Could use some advice here. Im the one who found out the last 6 months of recovery was based on a lie. My H gave me information about the OW.(all false) Now finding out she really works with him. I was not involved in the NC. Is it wrong for me to ask how it really ended? There was no letter and with them seeing each other everyday I would like to know what the conversation consisted of. All i know is H said it was a mistake and he told OW he was going to make up this nonexisting woman. Which he did. Now i feel since any question i ask in the past was all lies and i know no more about this A than i did 9 months ago. Nothing he told me about the OW was true. Just like to know for sure it has ended at this point all i have is his word and as much as i want to it's not enough. I read everything i can and have taken so much advice without having to post. If i am going to be able to put closuer on this i feel i need to know about the end There are those of you out there that are so wise. Help!!! At some point im going to have to face the OW with the holidays coming up work functions sorry my mind has been blown away again so im ranbling just don't want to add fuel to the fire is it wrong for me to want to know these things?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarolynG:
<strong> Help!!! At some point im going to have to face the OW with the holidays coming up work functions sorry my mind has been blown away again so im ranbling just don't want to add fuel to the fire is it wrong for me to want to know these things?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Carolyn - I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so much with this "stuff." No, I don't think you are wrong for wanting to know how the conversation went down. I am in the same situation, since our initial NC notification was by phone call - we didn't know about MB then, and to be honest, I just don't think my FWH would have handled it by letter anyway. WAY too much friendship/history with OW for him to have considered that seriously, I think. The folks who have followed MB guidelines are in a different situation - the BSs got to see and possibly even mail the letter. They know what was said. You and I don't.

I guess I never really wanted to know what was said, because I can pretty much figure it out on my own. (My finding proof of C after NC pretty much confirmed my suspicions anyway.) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I do know it was a lenghthy conversation - that's enough for me! I have already learned far more about the way the two of them conversed than I EVER wanted to know. Anything too specific is VERY hard to get out of your mind. I do know that even though my FWH asked for NC, he was basically doing it for me - he was not ready to give her up on his own. So I'm sure that all kinds of stuff I wouldn't want to know were thrown into that conversation.

I think you have the right to ask what was said - but I would not be surprised if the answer you get is "I don't remember." That seems to be the answer for an awful lot of questions that we BSs come up with. I think it's awful that your H made up some non-existing person. I understand now that some WSs do that, but it just seems that much more hurtful. Thankfully, I never had to deal with that issue.

I don't think your husband should continue to work with this woman. One of them should move on to a different job. I don't see why you should have to deal with her at holiday functions, etc. And he should just not be in any sort of contact with her anymore. None. Not at work, not anywhere. It's just not good for your M for him to still be seeing her at all. I couldn't handle that myself. In some ways I guess I am fortunate that our OW lives far away. I don't have much chance of running into her.

MT