I can not even remember the last time I posted here at MB. I used topost regularly in GQII, but for the past few months have only been reading posts two to three times a week and never posting myself.

I filed for D during the middle of August and after not hearing anything from either my WH or my lawyer since then I put it in the back of my mind and almost forgot it was happening. Last Friday I found out from my BIL that my WH had been served a few weeks ago and last night I got papers from my lawyer stating that WH had sent him documents regarding a settlement. I guess this is real.

I did not file because I wanted a D, I filed because I could no longer continue with the marriage the way things were going. I was in Plan B at the advise of SH and I was losing love for my WH each day that he continued to choose to live as a WH and not choose our marriage. SH suggested that with no kids and not having any contact with WH since 3/02 it seemed that this was the only direction to go at this point.

At first it was a relief for me to actually be doing something to get closure even if it was not the closure I wanted. After seeing the papers last night, I no longer feel relief. I feel a great deal of pain. I am sure every BS out there remembers the not sleeping, the not eating. Well it is back. That feeling is back and I don't know that I can go through this again.

The one thing that has gotten my this far all along is that he had never filed and I thought that if he didn't file, maybe that was not what he wanted. The one thing that I still had was hope. That is gone now. I guess this is what the wanted after all. I can look at the papers and see it in black and white.

Thanks for listening.
Sinking