My how time flies, been almost a month since I last posted, but I'm still alive and kickin'. Guess for all you old-timers, its time for me to give you an update.
Not much to report from on the M front, no progress being made as far as our relationship is concerned. Since I moved back in, WW and I have been basically co-existing and contact is limited to routine activities. WW did go off the deep end a week ago (after some heavy drinking) and went on a rampage, said some very hurtful things to me and the kids, even told the kids some things about my long-ago past that she had no right to tell them, stuff that we agreed I would discuss with them if necessary. The next day she apologized to me but that incident pretty much sealed the coffin for our M right now as far as I am concerned.
WW and I did talk for a while last week about a job she is working, actually asked for my advice (since I am a veteran of the working wars) if she should continue it or look for something else. Buts thats it, seems that the only time she wants anything to do with me is when she needs something, never about how I am doing. But thats ok because her lifestyle really turns me off. Her basic routine is to go to work, come home and either go over to a friends house, or head outside for some booze and cigarettes. Usually she gets pretty bombed and then spends the next day after work in her room 'resting'. Weekends are usually spent away from the house doing who knows what. I've quit trying to help her, its a complete waste of time and energy until she finally admits she has a serious problem and gets professional help. I also know that the M has no chance at recovery until WW gets some help and gets herself under control.
All I can do now is be the best father for the kids as I can be and let them know that they have at least one parent who cares enough about them and will be there for them. And thats what I have been doing, probably over-doing it a bit to compensate for WW's inability to be there for them. I've noticed that whenever they have a question or need something, they come to me first. They will even call me at work to ask something even though WW is home with them. Pretty sad situation and I wonder if maybe its too late for WW to make amends with he oldest D's. Sometimes it reminds me of that song "Cats in the Cradle" where the chorus goes:
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man on the moon.
"When you comin' home ?"
"Son, I don't know when.
We'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."
WW just seems to have too many other personal things to do and not enough time to give to the kids.
But I'm doing great. I'm sure some of you are asking "How can LHS be doing so well if his M is in shambles and his W is like that?" Well, 2 things I can attribute to this, Plan A (and the wonderful people who have helped me along the way) and the realization that a good M takes the effort of 2 committed people. I have been making some huge, positive improvements in my life (Plan A), really looking at things I do that have a negative affect on me and those around me, yes even with WW. And, I have realized that the failure of our M is not entirely my fault, that if it is going to work, WW needs to do some hard work as well. So, I continue to do a good, solid, Plan A and move forward with my life. If WW wants to be a part of that, she knows what needs to happen, and if not, well, there is another woman out there who is going to be very lucky to have such a wonderful man as myself committed to her. (little ego boost there)
Even though I have suffered through the devastation that this A has brought to me and my family, I am surviving and becoming a better, stronger person. A year ago, I wouldnt have even imagined I would be at this place, but with hard work, perseverance, sticking to solid MB principals and through the grace of
God, I am making it. The M may not survive, but I know I will.
Take care all, I'm still here and try to check up on all of you every chance I can.
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