My son is 5 1/2 yrs old.

My son told me today he cried.

My son told me today he was sad.

My son told me today he wants the three of us living together in a new house.

My son told me today he does not want mom and dad fighting.

My son asked my W today, why was she upset with me. Told her not to get upset at me. He sounded angry when he said that.

My W and I had made an agreement a few weeks ago that we were both going to tell him about what's going on between the two of us, especially the separation. What did she do? She broke the agreement, of course what did I expect? Didn't she break our marriage vows by becoming emotionally entangled with the OM?

She told our son, without me, that when they return to the midwest, daddy was going to live in a different house than mom and him. I asked him what he felt when she told him that. He said he felt sad and cried. My son cried. He asked her why, she just said because we are separated.

I asked him today what he prefers, he said the three of us together in one house with no fights between mom and dad. Isn't that what all kids want? I then asked him, did you tell your mom that and he said, yes, I did.

The kid is smart (no bragging, he is my son). I told him he will always be our son and we will always be mom and dad and always loved him and it was not his fault. He said, "yes, I know, mom said the same thing." It almost felt like he said, yeah, yeah, whatever, don't feed me that line.

He asked me how I felt about that and I told him the truth, sad. He asked me if I cried, I said yes. He told me he was sad and that mom was sad.

I finally reminded him to ask God during his prayers to keep this family intact. I know God listens to all of us, but will my W listen?

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Unrelated to all this... I goofed today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . I told her I've always admired her as a mother but that I thought that since she met the OM she wasn't being a good mother with our son. She told me that hurt her and made her feel more insecure.

<small>[ October 19, 2002, 07:00 PM: Message edited by: utterlyconfused ]</small>

utterlyconfused,
My boys are 8 and 5. My oldest told my SIL last week that he feels he is the only one in his class that doesn't have a mom and dad that live together. That breaks my heart. I didn't know until tonight. I am going to talk to him tomorrow.
My IC has told me to let the kids talk about this. It sounds like your son is trying to do just that. It is good for them. I told my IC that I was going to buy my boys a Nintendo Gamecube they've alsways wanted to help them not think about the situation. He told me not try and avert their attention away from this as they will need to deal with it as some point. He told me what to watch out for in their behavior as well. I have met with both of their teachers and told them the situation and asked that if they see any different behavior to please contact me. My IC told me I cannot shield them from this, it will only prolong their pain. My WW has convinced herself that the kids will be fine. I am glad I am the one who is thinking clearly at this point b/c I am giving them everything I have to help them and support them. Even though we have always been close, we are growing closer each and every day. I love them for more than anything.
Your son need his parents right now. In actuality he only has one. His mother may feel she has his best interest at heart and that he comes first, but we all know and realize that is impossible when they are in the midst of an A.

Take care of yourself and give all of your love to your son.

HW

bump ^

<small>[ October 22, 2002, 09:41 PM: Message edited by: utterlyconfused ]</small>

any other thoughts?