Well my suspicions were correct. I followed the OM when he got off of work tonight and sure enough, he went straight to our house. Actually, he drove around the block to cover his tracks and then my wife pulled her car out of the garage so that he could park his car inside and hide it from view. Sneaky #$%&#(*'s!. But not sneaky enough enough for me.

I have written a letter to give to OM's wife. I'm pretty sure I know where she works and I will go and leave the letter on her car rather than try and talk with her at first. I think that a well thought out letter would be a better approach than trying to get my thoughts together speaking about this with her the first time.

After getting this letter to OM's wife, I plan on moving into Plan B.

Does anyone have any suggestions for a strong Plan B? Preliminary steps? making sure our children don't suffer any more than we can help? Dealing with the holidays? How stongly do I enforce the NC during Plan B if WW makes contact regarding anything except reconciliation?

I'm pretty sure that she knows something already, whether or not she knows that the A is still on remains untold.

Let me know of what you think of this letter to OM's wife
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Dear OM's W,

Please allow me to introduce myself, as you may possibly know my name but we have never met before. I am Biscayne. You may know of me, or possibly may or may not have heard my name associated with my wife WW's name, who used to work for wife's former place of employment.

I have debated writing this letter more times than you can imagine. It is with considerable trepidation that I even find myself carrying through with it at this time. Please know right up front that my intentions here are only what I feel to be the best. I know if I were on the other side of the coin at this time, that even as much as what I am going to reveal may hurt you, I would want to be made aware of the events that have transpired over the last several months.

My wife (name) and I have been separated since the first week of June this year due to the fact that I found out that she had become involved in, (at least for a few weeks at that time) in what I would consider, in conservative terms, to be an emotional affair with your husband (name). I know that even after confronting my wife, they continue to be involved with each other, as I have confirmed their continued contact and involvement as late as this past week. I do not know a lot of details of exactly how involved they are, or have been. I do know that what I found, I could not, and would not, find to be an acceptable relationship for a married person to have, except with their spouse. My wife did lose her job at in the middle of July due to upper managements discovery of this involvement with your husband. So as you can see, I have not just come to this conclusion of my own sole accord. Nor, can I accept the explanation, which my wife gave to me at the time, of their relationship being only that of “friends”. She did admit to me at that time that she would not accept me having a relationship with another woman that was as involved as her and OM had become.

From day one, my intentions have never been anything but for my marriage to be reconciled. Again, I, in no way, shape, or form, intend this letter to be anything but informative, as I believe that you would want to be aware of what has been taking place, despite the possibly devastating feelings that I am sure you would experience upon receipt of this knowledge.

If you are already aware of this information about their involvement, I apologize for reopening this wound, and hope that you are doing ok through this.

Again, I hate being the one who has to share this information with you, especially if this is your first time becoming aware of these events of the past several months. I know of how devastated I was upon finding this out and can only imagine your feelings at this time. My hopes and prayers are for both of our individual families to be able to find a place in their hearts and minds to reconcile, and move past what has transpired.

If you so desire to contact me to discuss this any further, you may do so at xxx. If you should reach my business voice mail, you may leave me a message letting me know when and how to best return your call. I am the only person with access to this phone number and subsequent voice mail.

Sincerely,

Biscayne
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I hope and pray that this is the right move. I know that moving into Plan B with the holidays fast approaching will be very difficult. The crappiest part of this is that our children will suffer from this situation. My oldest made mention the other day that my W and I would be back together by Christmas. He said that he remembers us saying that, the day that we sat down and told them that we were seperating.

I hope that moving into Plan B will save what is left of my mind. I have been unable to concentrate on much else except some way for our marriage. Work suffers, my sanity suffers, and all of this 5 months after D-day.

Thank you and God Bless

Hi Biscayne,

I am truely sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Have you had the possibility to talk to anyone professional about your situation???
I'm sorry, I don't know much about your situation and therefore I cannot completely put myself into your shoes, if Plan B is the right thing to do right now.

The letter you wrote to OMW was fine and I think (only my opinion) that you could give it to OMW.
Just be aware that contact with OMW can get dangerous. I too met with OWH and we talked about our situation. The pain that we both felt at that time can get "touchy". Think, there are EN's that are being met when you are in contact with the other BS. (you feel understood (at least I did) and since you are in the same boat "emotions" can get twisted) I hope you understand.
At that time, I think, I too could of been cabable to have an affair with OWH.

But I'm not quit sure about Plan B.
Am I reading this right. Your wife is still in contact with OM and she doesn't know that you know? If this is correct then read on.

The letter to OMW is going to be a "blow up" for your W and OM. I'm not telling you not to write that letter, I believe it is the right thing to do.
I'm just abit worried that your wife isn't informed about what you know.

I'm just really thinking. What would happen if you talk to your W calmly and inform her that you know what is going on. You can tell her that you love her and that you want your marriage.
You want her to know that you are willing to give your best to make your marrige work, but that this will not work until she stops all contact with OM and is honest.
You can tell her that you are informing OMW as she has a right to know what is going on.
You might then tell your wife that you would prefer to Plan B to give her time to think about everything and that it is just too painful for you as you know that she is not being honest.

It might be a good idea to tell her this at a place other than at home. That way you can both stay calm and you can keep the conversation comfortable and short without letting it get out of hand.

This is just my suggestion. Your wife will then know that the affair is in the "open" and that her "sneaking around" was not "overseen". She will know that you still love her and that the door is still open.
You can then go on with Plan B and she will be on her own and will have to deal with "reality."
OM will have to deal with it too.
But the fact that OMW then is informed will put a different "light" on the complete situation.

I don't believe that OMW will react any different than any other BS. I don't believe that she will pack his bags and tell him to go to his OW. I believe that she will do somewhat the same as all of us BS. She too will be in complete pain and OM will have to deal with that. Do you believe that he will just walk out and begin a happy & hoppy life with your Wife? No way, they will be experiencing the same as all of us. They are not "exceptional", they are living in fantasy and they will then wake up. If OM does decide to pack up and go and live with your W, how long do you believe it will take for them to get into "reality??? Think, they are living in "LALA Land" right now and the awakening comes faster than you think. It's the "sneaking" that makes an affair seen so unique, that goes away very quickly once everyone knows.
(This is when "shame, embarrassment and guilt comes sneaking in for the WS, this is when they first begin to think: OH MY GOSH; WHAT AM I DOING??????WHAT HAVE I DONE?)

You might even consider to stick in a copy of Plan A and EN'S for OMW, who knows what will then happen. She'll definately read it.

What do you think?????

I hope I'm not too "off road" with what I have written, I honestly trying to help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care of yourself
bb

BB,

Thanks for replying.

The things you talked about sitting down and discussing with my wife will all be included in the Plan B letter. If my wife can't tell from my actions what my intentions are then she's not as smart as I once gave her credit for. She knows full well what my intentions are. She wants to keep me as a friend while she carries on with whatever she is doing. It's time for me to say, "no more". I know that it is time for me to move to plan B. I feel like at this time that I will start sounding like some of the folks here who have a WS trying to reconcile and the BS is now uninterested in doing so.

I may put in a copy of the Plan A to see what kind of response OM's W has to that. To the outside world I think that us here at MB may appear to be crazy for taking the path that we do.

Thanks again and I hope all is going better for you and your situation. God Bless

Be careful what you put in writing, it can and will be used against you later. I am not sure if you have given om's wife this letter yet, but I would rethink it and perhaps have a face to face conversation not a letter.

Confrontations can be terrible, I know, I had them. It is all and all an awful situation.

I hope the best for you and don't have a lot of time to write right now... I just urge you not to put it in writing.. chances are your wife will see it. big lb, even plan b has no lb's.

Hugs, HONEY