My W keeps concentrating on our past together. A few instances that have come up lately:

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• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The time we went to Toronto, two years into the M, and we didn't get to do what she wanted because I didn't want us to. I had my reasons (right or wrong), but to her they are invalid.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The time we went to Niagara Falls and the same thing that happened in Toronto happened here.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Our honeymoon didn't go as she expected and blames me for it. I do admit I had something to do with that but not totally responsible. However, as I recall, she was happy most of the time during the honeymoon.</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can go on and on, but the interesting fact is that most of what she blames me for is behavior from early in the M. What happened in Toronto and N.Falls did not repeat itself in later trips. I have made a lot of changes in the 9 yrs we've been married and all she concentrates on is the negatives.
Is she just pulling excuses from anywhere she can find them?

The situations that occurred are realities. And you can't change those facts. Sure, your W is focusing on them to rationalize her actions right now. But on a positive note: isn't it great that she can't give you examples of bad behaviour since your MBing began? GOOD JOB! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I wouldn't worry about it too much. Your consistency now, by not repeating past poor behaviours, is what matters. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

By the way... I'm in Southern Ontario - London to be exact. I was born and raised in Toronto, and have been to the Falls countless times. I'm being nosy here... but what was it that you didn't want to do at both places? I know it's none of my business... and by all means... tell me to take a hike if you want to - but with the references to places I'm all too familiar with, I was wondering what wasn't done. My mind has assumed something to do with not going up the CN tower or the tower at the falls b/c of a fear of heights (my H is afraid of heights - probably why I'm thinking along those lines). If you'd rather not share... then that's okay. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> As I said, my curiosity has been peaked, and that's why I'm asking. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Karen

I am a little embarrassed (my low self-esteem acting at its best) because they are rather silly things but since I have overcome them I don't mind sharing now...

At Niagara Falls, the second time we went, I didn't want to go down the elevators on the American side. Me and water don't get along too well. It was something rather silly especially because some years later I did go down on the Canadian side, however, as you know they are not the same experience.

In Toronto, another silly thing, we only spent one evening there and she wanted to go out to dinner. Two years after the honeymoon, this was our first trip together to a big city and I was a little intimidated by it not knowing the territory. We stayed and had dinner in the room with a beautiful moon and a view of the lake. To me it was romantic anyway.

The thing is I have learned to overcome the fear of water (for the most part) and the fear of unknown places. We have travelled extensively in the states and this is a non-issue anymore and she knows it.

I have not been perfect with MBing so there have been some bad behaviors since d-day. I have said some things I shouldn't have. But, I must say I am getting better at Plan A and learning to bite my tongue quite a bit.

<small>[ October 20, 2002, 07:00 PM: Message edited by: utterlyconfused ]</small>

How can she get mad at you b/c of your legitimate phobia from the PAST??? Wow! Now THAT'S FOG! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

And please don't feel embarrassed by being human. My H is still afraid of heights. And, after giving birth to 4 boys in 3 deliveries (we have twins)- one with drugs, one without, and one c-section, surviving a house fire when I was in grade 2, and being the one to find Andrew after he passed away in his sleep.... I still get my H to kill spiders for me!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen

I am sorry to hear about your 4 year old son. That must have been really tough on you. Being away from my son for two months have been extra hard on me but I talk to him several times a week. I cannot imagine the pain you endured with your son.

The fears were not to the extreme of being phobias, but I guess you can consider them mild phobias. However, part of our problem in the M was not trying to get to the root of many of our problems. Many discussions we had but few did we ever resolve. I admit my fault with this. I am not sure she is there yet.