It has been brought to my attention that WW and I should possibly talk to our boys (8 and 5) about WW's relationship with OM. I have a IC appointment today and will be discussing it with him. I am in no way trying to be vindictive. The A has seen the light of day. Her friends and family all know of it and none of them are supporting her in this decision. But, how long do we wait to talk to the boys about it. I think they feel as though their mom will be back home soon. I am afraid that if he decides to move here WW will just introduce them to him immediately. I do not believe this will be good for my boys.
Anyone have any advice on telling the kids. I would want WW and myself to be present and talk to them together. I am sure she will not want to do this. Any advice. If we do decide to tell them what do we say and what don't we say. I don't want to lie to them either. I will be talking to my IC tonight. Will post on what he tells me.

HW

HW - no matter what, you cannot lie to your kids and that means you must have a rehearsed answer if they ask "when does WW come back" or a similar question. This could pop up at any time, before you and WW agree on a joint presentation (if you ever do). You also have to consider the likelihood they will hear something about the problem from another source.

It's not so important that you and WW agree on what and how to tell them. It's much more important that you handle it in a way you can live with over the years to come, as your kids become teens and then adults.

Your children are very young. I wouldn't tell them very much pass the fact that mom and dad are not living together anymore, that both still love them very much and that whatever happens, both parents will continue to love them.

Follow the guidelines of your counselor, as I am sure he/she knows more about this then any internet site could possibly know.

Be ready in the future to address "mom's friend", with honesty...but NO details. Their too young. They will at this age accept that mom has a new man in her life. Our children might think the world revolves around them, but they know they have no control over what adults do and they accept.

As they mature, give them honest answers as the questions come up. My DDs from my first marriage were about that age when we divorced. They are now 30 and 31 and I still get questions occasionally as to details they didn't know or even know to ask earlier. I've always been honest, with the side note to them, that this is ONLY my POV as to how, why, what happened and that their father's POV might be completely different.

Allowing them to learn the details only when they were mature enough to understand has made it easier for me...and hopefully easier for them.