Fricking crazy?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> LOL OK.... I guess the one thing I can claim I'm not, is...I'm not in a state of total denial and selfishness!! BTW, kids having clean ears and teeth doesn't make one a good mother.

I guess if plan A and B are out the window, we could suggest to WW and OM that a little bit of common courtesy, respect and accepting responsibility for your actions (like a mature adult) go a long way in getting what you want.

Oh God, I almost forgot the best part. She told me she could not believe that I haven't helped her (financially) !!! Hmmm, memory serves me right. She moved out 2 weeks ago. When she moved out I gave her $2,200.00 cash. Paid first months rent and deposit for her new place. Bought stereo, tv, vcr, dvd player, microwave, vacuum cleaner etc. Paid our phone bill with 65 phone calls to Michigan. Paid cell phone bill with phone calls to Michigan. Jeez, maybe I haven't done enough. Maybe I'll get a second mortgage on the house and give her that too !!!!!
What the he!!. God !!!!! You know I am such a horrible person.
I thought I was doing the right thing for my family. I thought I was doing the grown up thing. I guess it's never enough !!!!

HW

Can't even believe I actually have that signature below when I can't even see that right now.

HW -- (guess you missed my earlier post...lol)
If your goal is reconciliation, you're making a lot of errors.

I'm not trying to justify your wife's behaviour or her choices -- but I can give you a pr

All right HW prepare to get whacked over the head with my virtual 2x4.

Why are you letting yourself get dragged into conversations with her to begin with? You know very well that in her present OM-loving stage that she is going to spew nothing but venom at you and try to manipulate you for her own benefit. And you know what? it's working.

If the reason why you are subjecting yourself to so much abuse from her is to purposely drain your love bank, then you are doing an excellent job. It won't be long before your love bank will be totally closed and reconciliation will have a snowball's chance in hell of happening. You are going to be in exactly the same place where thejohnsmith is right now in his thread Her A is ending.

Is your goal marriage building or marriage ending?

Lexxxy, sorry I did miss your earlier post. Sorry for the venting, just I get tired of being blamed for all of this by her, even though I tried my hardest to do the right thing when this first started. My goal is not reconciliation. My goal is healing and making an attempt to get on with my life. It's hard when I get bombarded by her for doing all of this to *her*. I'll take the responsibility for the demise in our relationship, but jeez when does it end. I thought I was learning patience, guess not.

HW

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My goal is not reconciliation. My goal is healing and making an attempt to get on with my life. It's hard when I get bombarded by her for doing all of this to *her*. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then don't talk to her and just hang up when you hear her voice talking to you about non child related issues.

TMCM, I read the post from thejohnsmith. He put into words exactly how I feel right now. I don't have the emothional strength anymore to deal with her. She thinks we should just be able to talk whenever. I told her I can't. Maybe someday but not now. I tried to hang up. I just couldn't do it. I told her over and over I'm not going to do this with her. I should have just hung up. I will next time. And, I am sure there will be a next time, da**it.

HW

Consider screening your calls to avoid getting into a conversation with her. Eventually she'll realize that you do not want to talk to her about anything not related to the children and give up. Try it and save yourself some emotional hits from ms fog 2002.

Well HW, you've got your supporters rallied.

Reading YOUR e-mail to her is very enlightening. Her e-mail was simply a hurt and angry response to all of your pokes and jabs.

What on earth would you expect to get back after sending such a LB filled provocation??

But you come here and want support for how awful SHE is. If thats how you want to use this board, go right ahead. I won't post to you if you're not trying to reconcile. You have enough posters to pat you on the back and say "yep..those WS sure are crazy".

Now if you want some insight into what she's thinking, and FEELING then I'm willing to help you. But not if you're going to provoke her then come running here to tell only ONE side of the situation.

She's in a lot of pain HW. And there are some opportunities for you to help her and be her hero.
Up to you.

Lexxxy, first of of all let me apologize to you for my outburst last night. I was just at the point where I'd had enough. By me saying that I don't want to reconcile was me saying I want the easy way out. I'm not going to do that. I am just running from the pain and striking out. My apologies go to you, I know you are here to help. I know I am doing everything wrong. I do want your help. Would you be willing to e-mail me. I am still a little nervous that OM and WW may be reading my posts, even though I have changed user names. I don't want them to know what I am thinking or doing, unless I tell them directly.
Le me know and I will give you my e-mail. If not, then I will understand completely.

HW

p.s. The knot on the back of my head from TMCM's 2x4 kept me up all night.

Bump for Lexxxy.

HW:

"Lexxxy, first of of all let me apologize to you for my outburst last night. I was just at the point where I'd had enough."

Rest assured, you're not the first 2 go there!

"By me saying that I don't want to reconcile was me saying I want the easy way out. I'm not going to do that."

Good, because there is no such thing. And even if there was, there shouldn't be!

"p.s. The knot on the back of my head from TMCM's 2x4 kept me up all night."

That was MY 2x4, though TMCM may have borrowed it. Mine's made of ebony, which doesn't float!

HW:

"My goal is not reconciliation."

Bull Feathers! yes it is!!! If it's not, you don't belong here.

"My goal is healing and making an attempt to get on with my life."

You SHOULD do this, whether your M survives or not.

"It's hard when I get bombarded by her for doing all of this to *her*. "

HW, from your email 2 her, it's obvious you've been doing your share of bombarding!! Look, it doesn't make sense, but she's DOING this 2 you because she LOVES you. She's a mess, but if she didn't care about you she wouldn't be CALLING AND EMAILING YOU EVERY DARNED DAY! Now, would she?

TheJohnSmith's story may sound similar and have some good pointers, but he's been dealing with his W's infidelity FAR LONGER than you have. You're just out of the gate. A LOT can happen in the next few months, and you're in a position 2 control what comes from you during that time.

I said it before. Respond 2 her tirades with NOTHING but positive replies about the things you must talk about (tyke logistics and the like, maybe the occasional ILY). Leave her with NOTHING but positive memories about you while she's with the OM. You'll both win in the end.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 2long:
<strong>HW:

HW, from your email 2 her, it's obvious you've been doing your share of bombarding!! Look, it doesn't make sense, but she's DOING this 2 you because she LOVES you. She's a mess, but if she didn't care about you she wouldn't be CALLING AND EMAILING YOU EVERY DARNED DAY! Now, would she?

.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why is this so hard for me to see. How can you say she LOVES me. I know she's a mess, but I think she is calling because she blames me, not because she loves me. I think she actually hates my guts. Yes, she has called twice today. Once this morning, to tell me where the boys are going to be today. Then at work, even though I didn't take the call, to tell me when the next mediation appointemnt will be. I don't think she is calling me because the loves me. I have told her she needs to e-mail me, or leave me a message on my cell phone. She isn't doing that though. I actually think she just wants to be friends and have that friendship so we can be there for each other as parents. I have told her some day that will be possible and that is why i don't want to talk to her or to see her. I need space and time to be able to get to that point.

HW

Lexxxy, still waiting for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

HW:

If she didn't love you she would ignore you. It'd be the easiest thing 2 do. Get a 3rd party 2 tell you where 2 take the kids and when.

Called you 2ice this morning? ...yep.

That's love. In any case, what YOU should do doesn't change. No vindictive emails. No punishment (she's doing that 2 herself aplenty!). Just love. I KNOW you love HER. Be yourself, but be kind in the process.

That's all you have 2 do. Easy, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Easy? LOL.

HW

HEY, I just noticed!!!! you're member number is all "2s"!!!

I don't have a single 2 in my number!!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

HW

If your true goal is reconciliation, then I have to agree with others that you are doing a crappy way of going about it. You are reacting to her foggy statements instead of acting on a plan that has been proven to increase the odds of a WS ending her A and coming back to work on the M. Mind you that the MB methodology is NOT A SURE THING (nothing in life is) but it is a proven one that has worked to help the BS survive and become a better individual whether the M survives or not. Please read (or reread) What Are Plan A And Plan B. TheJohnSmith made many of the same mistakes you are making and now is headed for divorce, is that where you want to go also?

YES!!! I still LOVE her. It is hard to say that about someone who acts like she wishes I were dead. I still want her, which is even harder to say. I'm not going to chicken out. I'm not going to take the easy way out. I do want to look back on this and say I did everything I could to make it work, whther it does or not.
Ok, starting fresh. Deep Breath.... keep the mental picture of 2Long and TMCM standing over me with that 2x4....ouch !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I WILL RESPOND POSITIVELY TO HER. I WILL SHOW HER RESPECT, CARE AND LOVE. SHE WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT HER.
No, I won't overdue it. Actually I won't do anything, especially react. I understand now that she is trying to draw me in to make me the bad guy and be able to blame all of it on me. I won't give her that chance anymore.

HW

HW:

"someone who acts like she wishes I were dead."

BINGO. you're realizing more than you think you are. This is the distinction. She loves you but acts like she wishes you were dead. Impossible? Not when you read about cases of infidelity on this 4um!