I am currently going through a phase right now where I feel I desperately need my W. I need her presence, her conversation and I need her physically among other needs. We were separated two months ago and haven't been intimate for three months.

However, sometimes I feel the urge to find someone who can fill that hole. Deep inside me I know that will do more damage to the R, our son and myself, but I can't help feeling that. I also know that it would not be fair to whomever I meet. It is simply WRONG to use another person for selfish motives.

Having this feeling has made question whether I love my W or not. It makes me wonder if maybe all I need is a companion. But if I analyze myself more deeply, I know that's not the case. When I go through a new experience it is HER I want to share it with and not just anybody else. When I feel joy I feel the need to call HER and not anybody else.

All these things and others reaffirm that it is HER I want to be with. No matter how I question her decisions right now, I still feel she is the best mom my son could ever have and I want to have more children with HER. No matter what she's doing to me, I am glad it was HER I married.

If I do indeed love her, why do I feel the need to be with somebody else? What's going on inside me?

---

You know what I just realized, a couple of hours after writing this? I'd love to have an affair with my W. That would be my revenge affair! I'd love to take her to Cancun for a week, just the two of us.

I can dream, can't I?

OK, fixed link.

<small>[ October 22, 2002, 07:22 AM: Message edited by: zorweb ]</small>

Zorweb,

The link to Welcome for All New Builders is not functional. Thanks.

Utterly,
It's nice to see that you still WANT your WW. My A ran its course, finally, and 'went away'. I hope and pray that your wife wakes up and sees how much you love and miss her.

It always encourages me to see that BS's can forgive their spouses.

H_P

hopeful...

I will be honest with you. I am not at the forgiving stage. She is still in her EA. However, as a typical male, I think forgiving will come easier for me because the A has not turned physical yet. It still hurts me to know that, as she puts it, she's never loved anyone as much as she loves him. They met in March, saw each other for about a month and the A has been purely via e-mail, phone conversations and snail mail. How can that be real love???

Thanks for the words of support. I still love my W very much and I hurt to know our S will be the one most affected by this if she does not wake up soon.

^

<small>[ October 22, 2002, 10:17 PM: Message edited by: utterlyconfused ]</small>

bump

Your feelings about this are normal. That is why so many BS’s end up having affairs of their own. It’s hard to deal with a spouse’s infidelity. Finding someone else might make you feel better in the short run.

But you know that problem with this. Like you said it would be using someone. And it is not emotionally healthy for you to jump from one relationship to another.

Having these feelings have nothing to do with your loving your wife. People can love their spouse and still be with others. You are lonely and hurting, it would be nice to have some comfort. That is what your feelings are about. That is all they are about.

This is a very hard time for you emotionally. I’ve been through something similar in my previous marriage. It’s hard to be alone when you don’t want to be. All I can say is to take it one day at a time. Find things to do and people to hang out with that do not put you in a position to stray. You can make it through this.

I can feel the pain you are in and wish there was more I could do to help you here.