In june I found out that my husband of 7 years had an affair. He said it was a one night stand, someone he met at the gym. He had been having problems at work for almost 9 months, corporate takeover, layoffs, bad work atmosphere. I felt I tried my best to support him, offering solutions, such as looking for a new job or returning to school and I would support the family. He says the woman met nothing to him, she was just easy to talk to, she gave him oral sex and he has never seen her again. He has done everything right since he told me, very supportive and understanding, we both want to make our marriage better. The problem is I do not believe his story. Thats where our friend Jane comes in. She and my husband worked together and we are like family, spend holidays together, major life events. She was laid off in february and when my husband came home to tell me he was so upset that one of the first things I thought was he acted like a spouse or boyfriend, not a friend. It was such a bad time, and Jane was totally emeshed with this company and all of the gossip even after she got fired. When we would all get together even though they were not working thats all they would talk about. A while later we started having trouble in bed, one night I tried so hard to get him interested and nothing. I asked him if he had an affair. He lied. A couple of weeks later I opened a bill for a herpes test, when confronted he denied it,said it was a sore in his mouth and he went to MD thinking it was cancer. I was in such denial I believed him. Miserable sad weeks went by, finally he told me. I have asked him a number of times if it was jane.He says no but my instincts tell me hes lying to protect me and her. When we discuss the affair he says it has to do with his state of mind, emotions, felt the OW was listening. That sounds like Jane to me. When I first got on this site I read the page about types of affairs and with who they usually occur with. I believe the affair occured because he was looking for emotional support, not just sex. We see Jane and her family often. If he continues to deny it was her do I have the right to ask him to stop all contact? What if i am truly wrong?There are also a few more funny coincidences but I've already gone long. I think if a woman really wanted to pick up some guy she just met she would want intercoarse too.If it was a married woman I could see her thinking..It was just oral sex, not really an affair. I could easily see them both turning to each other for emotional support and comfort. Any constructive comments would help.

I think if a woman really wanted to pick up some guy she just met she would want intercourse too. … If it was a married woman I could see her thinking It was just oral sex, not really an affair.

Na, this type of thing happens all the time. Some women are just weird. So that alone is not enough to say he is not telling the truth. And it is an ‘affair’ or ‘infidelity’ just the same.

If he continues to deny it was her do I have the right to ask him to stop all contact? What if I am truly wrong? … There are also a few more funny coincidences but I've already gone long. … I could easily see them both turning to each other for emotional support and comfort.

You cannot say it was she until he or she admits it or you find evidence to the contrary. But the very fact that you think it is her tells me that you are just uncomfortable with their relationship period. Do they spend any time together outside of the couple’s activities with her and her husband? If so you have all the right to request that those end. It would be reasonable to talk to your husband about this. Have you or your husband ever broached the topic about your H having an affair with them as a couple? And then talk to her and her husband… them of your H’s affair and that to protect your marriage he will no longer be alone with any other woman.

Another approach would be for you alone to talk to her husband and tell him of the affair. Tell him that you are uncomfortable with your H’s closeness to his wife and therefore plan to curtail the friendship. That he may want to very seriously think about backing you up on this.

If her husband is also suspicious this alone may shake it out.

Have you read the material on this web site? Have you discussed MB with your H yet?

Thanks for your feedback zorweb. I have also thought about talking to rob(Janes husband) about how things have been going. I know things have not been great for them either just from conversation. He was relieved when she was fired, glad she was out of the loop, hopeful that she would find a new job she was happy with. Unfortunately she stayed in the loop, continued to gossip and be consumed by all the garbage that went on at her previous job. Rob has stated for months that they never have sex. The problem is I am scared of confronting him about it. We have known this family for over 10 years, Rob is a hunter, owns guns, and many times has stated over the years that he would kill the man who touches his wife, and maybe kill her to. This is not a man who runs is mouth. He is the type of guy that talks when he wants to say something or means what he says. I have other evidence, nothing concret but stuff that makes me feel funny. On sunday I saw Jane and she argued with me about what one of our relatives who lived across the country had done. I told her that it was not true and yet she continued to argue, stating that my husband had told her so, and I was the one who had the story wrong. She has no contact with these relatives. I thought that was strange. That kind of stuff feels weird, When some other woman is telling you stuff that your husband has not told you. That happened quite a bit in the months leading up to June. Well, I think this has really helped me because I know the right answer. I am going to discuss breaking off contact with them. If it makes me feel so uncomfortable then something is not right. I have not asked my husband to check out the website yet but I am going to tonight plus I am going to pick up the book "after the affair" tonight. I feel he will be receptive to the information. I am hoping that he will tell me the truth if it is true after he reads the info about honesty in MB. Thanks very much!

solost, how are things going for you lately? any better? i hope so. i'd have to say that after reading your post, any affair your husband may have had with her is pretty irrelevant at this point. the mere suspicion has turned the friendship toxic and for your own peace of mine, i think it's time to end it! have you demanded your husband tell you the name of ow? in not, it seems like it's time. if it's something you need to know in order to heal, then you have the right to insist on hearing it. if he won't tell you, then he needs to hear that you feel he is putting her over your needs and that it will affect how you look at both him and the marriage. either he wants to fix things with you, or he'd rather protect whatever he had with her. he's not entitled to keep a secret of this magnitude, not if it is kept at your expense!

Solost

Hi, getting in on your story late.

Hi. I'm Zoey

Where are things now? Have you talked to anyone else or found out anything else. I'm with you that this is sort of odd how your H and this woman talk. I am a FWS. I guess knowing the other side, I picked up on a few things.

If you get a chance, please update us

Zoey