I need to move into plan B in order to protect myself from any further harm. The last couple of weeks have been almost as hard as just after D-day. WW had been coming back around, but I saw her turn right back around. I have seen OM's car going to and coming from our house at least three different times in the past 10 days. I can't take this continued exposure any more. WW wanted us to be friends through the D. Her words from the first day. I can't do this anymore, and hope to continue functioning. The only reason that I am still able to even get out of bed each day is because of our two boys.

I was going to contact OM's wife and reconsidered after a lot of thought of my wife's retaliation, as you may have read in my previous post. I think that she may already know anyway. I saw his car leaving our house at 7:45 this morning. Must have spent the night.

Here goes. Pretty long, so tell me where I should make any cuts or changes.

There is a revised version further down this post.

--------------------------------------------------Dear WW,

It is with great difficulty that I find myself writing this letter.

The last five months have been harder than I could have ever imagined. The only reason that I am still around to even write to you now is our boys, and the hope that we could come to a point to start all over again with our marriage. This time, putting into place some principals that I have come to learn about since our seperation. Both through seeing my counselor and reading some very awakening material from marriage counselors.

I know that you have been unhappy for several years and I wish that one of us could have realized how much our relationship was in trouble at that time, and seek out the right help. I knew something was seriously wrong back when you used to come home when I was getting up for work in the mornings, back about four years ago. At the time I thought that the things that were bothering you were, still suffering from losing your son (I know you always will) and our financial situation. When I saw you suffering and not being able to tell me what it was, I thought that I could make things better if only I could give more to you. Well, I could have given you more, just not what I was trying to give you. I tried to make more money by working more hours to help with the finances, and when I could, I would try to give gifts to you that I thought would make you happier. I only knew that early on in our relationship my gifts to you seemed to make you so happy that I thought that would fill the void. I know now, that you were hungering for something more than that. I have seen that hunger in you from way before I was ever part of your life. From way back when that little girl would write to her mother begging for affection.

I have to admit that I have not been happy for several years myself also. I have realized some of what has made me this way. My counselor and the books that I have been involved with have awakened me to some of what I too have hungered for most of my life. I have been starved for words of affirmation, admiration, and physical touch for much of my life. I’ve learned that it isn’t unusual or unrealistic to feel these needs. But when either spouses emotional needs goes unmet there develops a huge hole in their life. I know that is part of the reason why I have a hard time getting along with my parents like I wish we could. I know you have seen that I was raised in an environment of criticism rather than that of encouragement. I know that my parents love me, but when I am so hungry for their approval and encouragement and instead I always seem to hear them questioning my every decision, or having some critical statement to make, it makes me lash out. I know that I sought to have those same emotional needs fulfilled in each one of my jobs also. I always felt the need to make everything perfect to get those words that I was starving for. I also really think that, that is why I was so addicted to the networking business. I couldn’t get those emotional needs filled from my home life or my job, but I always heard those words, and felt those needs filled when I was listening to those tapes, going to meetings, seminars, and conventions. The people there always told me that I was good enough, that I could do it.

I've learned now that most married couples go through their lives trying to fulfill their spouses emotional needs based on what their own needs are, rather than learning their partners needs and focusing on fulfilling those. As a result, if each focuses on fulfilling the others needs it makes for an incredibly close marriage. Almost all husbands and wives have opposite emotional needs, so it really unrealistic to expect them to instinctively know this. It’s pretty unrealistic of me to try and summarize all of the concepts that I’ve learned here in a few pages.

Anyway, the real reason why I am writing this letter is the hard part. I love you and always have. I spent the first 20 years of my life looking for you, and when I found you, you were even more than I could have hoped for. When I married you, it was for life. I still want to be married to you for life. I am finding myself in a dangerous place with my love for you. I have been hurt so much by your actions and involvement with OM that I find myself beginning to dislike you more than I love you. I felt you coming back towards our marriage several weeks ago and then like a snap, I felt you turn back around. I cannot tell you how deeply it hurts me to see his car heading to, and leaving our home (at least what was our home) when I am taking the boys to school and picking them up. I feel like you want to rub your relationship with this married man in my face. I don’t even know who you are any more. The woman I married would have never done this. I have a hard time really believing that this makes you truly happy inside. I know that it may fill some need right now. But I know that the last time that I saw you this thin was after your son died. If you can really convince yourself that this is truly what you want in your life, then you are not the woman that I want in my life any more at all. You tell me that the boys are more important than anything to you. Your actions and decisions during the last five months say otherwise. I hate the fact that you think that they will be ok, through all of this. You have to know that they will carry this scar throughout their whole life. They’ve already seen you with him, and will know in later years that what was going on was not right. You know as well, if not better than I do, that children learn what they are shown more than what they are told. I can’t stand the thought of telling our oldest son that we will not be together as a family for Christmas. He told my parents the other night that we would be having Christmas together at our house as a family. He seems to remember us telling him that, when we seperated.

Because of the way I am feeling, and to protect myself from any further pain, and also to keep myself from getting to a place where I hate you, I have to insist that you no longer contact me in any way at all. That means that I don’t want you calling me, emailing me, or coming into my parents house. I talked to sister in law and I believe that she will act as the go between for us as far as any communication. I’m sure that she can also relay any phone calls when necessary. You can email her your schedule each week and I will be responsible for watching the boys when you are working or otherwise, pretty much like it has been. If you need to drop the boys off after school before you go to work, then you can usually drop them off at my parents office. If for some reason either sister in law or my parents aren’t available, I know that the boys can get from the car to the house by themselves just fine. I know you don’t want this for them and neither do I, but I have to do this to protect myself from any further contact with you as long as you choose to be involved with OM. You say you know how I feel, but since you haven’t gone through what I am, you don’t know what I truly am feeling any more than I can ever feel your experience with losing your. If I continue on with the way things have been I don’t know if I will be able to be here for our boys. The only exception to you contacting me directly would be for any medical emergency involving the boys or when you decide to end ALL contact with OM. Until then I cannot, and will not have any contact with you, or see you. I am not doing this to “punish”, you, or “get back” at you. This is only about protecting myself from any further harm.

When this affair ends I would love to discuss the possibility of recovery and reconciliation. I have come to learn that there are ways to do this and create a marriage that was better than we have ever had before. I know that neither one of us wants to go back to the way things have been.

All that’s left of my love, still your husband, Biscayne

------------------------------------------------

Thanks folks and God Bless

<small>[ October 23, 2002, 12:39 PM: Message edited by: Biscayne ]</small>

^

First of all.......I haven't been here in a very long while and I never had to go to Plan B and I know very little of your history......but......

Your Plan B letter sounds a little resentful and may send the wrong message to your WW.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I spent the first 20 years of my life looking for you, and when I found you, you were even more than I could have hoped for. When I married you, it was for life. I still want to be married to you for life. I am finding myself in a dangerous place with my love for you. I have been hurt so much by your actions and involvement with OM that I find myself beginning to dislike you more than I love you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thinking from a WS's point of view.....this is going to look bad for you. First you tell her that she is what you have been looking for then you go on to say that you dislike her more than you love her.

I completely understand what you mean by that.....but your WW will possible try to use it against you to convince HERSELF that you no longer love her.....which will help her further in trying to validate why she is doing what she is doing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I feel like you want to rub your relationship with this married man in my face. I don’t even know who you are any more. The woman I married would have never done this. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Again from a WS's point of view.......the wonan you married may never have done this to you.......BUT.....she is no longer the woman you married. She can swear that she is......even truly believes it herself probably.......but we all know that something like this changes all involved. She may take the comment of not knowing who she is anymore as more validation for her acts.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I can’t stand the thought of telling our oldest son that we will not be together as a family for Christmas. He told my parents the other night that we would be having Christmas together at our house as a family. He seems to remember us telling him that, when we seperated. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She may see this as you trying to use your son as a tool. She may also see this as a proposed guilt trip.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When this affair ends I would love to discuss the possibility of recovery and reconciliation. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry to say......but in her mind right now.....she thinks this is the reltionship to end all others. This statement might actually send her into working harder to make it work with the OM just to spite you.

Mind you......I'm not one to really go over Plan B letters as I never had to use one, but I've gotten really good at looking at things from both sides of the fence....after living a year and a half of pure hell and now 1 year into recovery.

If anything I've said applies.....I'm glad to be of help.....if not.....just ignore what I've written. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Best of luck!

Heather

<small>[ October 22, 2002, 07:12 PM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>

<strong> This is only about protecting myself from any further harm. </strong>

How about saying "This is only about keeping what little love I have left for you, before it dwindles away to nothing"? Or something along those lines?

Of course, you mentioning your W's deceased son is a trigger for me. I'm not sure how her reaction to that would be, but my interpretation was that you were blaming her sons passing for her actions now. Yes, it is highly likely that is PART of the reason - but educating our spouses while in plan A or B is a no-no. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I do think it is good to mention him - although focusing on her appearance might be what's bothering me. How about mentioning how "frail" , or better yet, "exhausted" she is looking, as opposed to "thin"? Minor change, I know. I don't know why it's sticking out to me (personal weight issues maybe? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ).

Karen

I would send only the paragraph that begins "Because of the way I am feeling...", but at the end of the first sentence, add "until you have ended all contact with the OM." This last part is similar to what you wrote towards the end of your paragraph, but without the bit about "deciding" to end all contact. That sounds too wishy-washy.

The same goes for the sentence "...as long as you choose to be involved with OM." I would change that to "as long as you are involved with OM." She really does not have a choice; if she wants to be in your life, she cannot be with the OM, period.

Perhaps it seems somewhat harsh to delete the preamble and get straight to the point of the letter, but the preamble is probably a repeat of stuff you've told her before, which could cause her to toss out the letter before she gets to the important part. Furthermore, it dilutes the message of the "Because of the way I am feeling" paragraph.

Agree completely with Iaa...the rest is only going to make her mad and feel as if you are trying to put a guilt trip on her.

The second to the last paragraph is good (add in what Iaa said) and make it short and keep it focus. This is a letter to stop contact with her so that you can heal...the rest is "getting my message" across...again. Something you don't want to do.

You might also want to change about her not being welcomed in your parents home, as that should be their decision...not yours!

Definitely scatch the "only reason I am around" in the beginning...sucide threatening sound.

I am living at my parents house at this time. Thus the inclusion of places where I will not receive contact.

<small>[ October 22, 2002, 11:12 PM: Message edited by: Biscayne ]</small>

It occurs to me that my last (and first!) post might seem rather unkind--with its advice to get rid of the major portion of your letter. I know that you poured your heart and soul into your letter and I did not want to suggest that I thought the letter too long or not good.

The first part of your letter perfectly describes how you feel and how you are hurting. But the most important point of the letter is in the "Because of the way I am feeling" paragraph, which because of its strength, sums up everything you touched on in the earlier paragraphs. It says EXACTLY what you want and its message is as clear as a bell. Your wife cannot possibly misinterpret it.

The first part of your letter is fine, but, if you send it, I think it should be sent as a separate letter.

Dear Biscayne,

I am truly sorry you are at this point but with that said, I understand your need to get your point across.

Personally, I am NOT a good plan B letter analyzer....... I believe in hitting hard right between the eyes and follow through immediately.

That point aside, I recommend in addition to the suggestions you received, see if you can hale Just Learning, NSR, WAT, Redhat, SEM, JDMac, Spacecase and a few other guys here. They are usually good at critiquing from a male BS point of view.

Just a suggestion. I understand why you wrote what you did. Realize that no matter what or how you say things, she will still try to blame you for anything bad. Know this when you say what you need to say.

Take some responsibility but not all. Let her know in no uncertain terms that this course of action is for the protection of you and your family. Savlaging her A is not your concern. Even her happiness while in the A is NOT your concern. Identify your true boundaries and refocus.

take care,
L.

Hi Biscayne,

I hope some of the NC letter pros weigh in here because this is not my forte. We have some people here, like Orchid said, who are really good at this.

From a self obsessed female point of view [in the past I was this way] I would only agree that maybe the letter should be shortened a bit and eliminate the parts about your emotional PAST. Only because you are talking to someone who is very self obsessed and detached and is not very interested in the issues of others.

I think it IS very important for you tell her how her actions impact you NOW, though. I think your BEST, most impactful paragraphs are the last 3 and maybe trimming it down to those last 3 would have a greater impact than more paragraphs. Again, this is not my forte so I only speak from the perspective of the receiver.

I'm no expert, but I tend to agree that the letter is filled with resentment (which may, in fact, echo your feelings). Edit, edit, edit, my friend. Like my grandfather liked to say about books and letters: It should be like the length of a woman's skirt ... long enough to cover the subject but short enough to keep it interesting. Of course, this oversimplifies it, but keep it pretty bare and show your love.

Keep the faith, bro.

Revised version:

Dear WW,

I find it very difficult to write this letter.I love you and always have. I spent the first 20 years of my life looking for you, and when I found you, you were even more than I could have hoped for. When I married you, it was for life. I still want to be married to you for life. I am truly sorry for my part in contributing to our marriage in every way that made you feel so alone. I am finding myself in a dangerous place with my love for you. I have been hurt so much by your actions and involvement with OM that I find myself beginning to dislike you more than I love you. I felt you coming back towards our marriage several weeks ago and then like a snap, I felt you turn back around. I cannot tell you how deeply it hurts me to see his car heading to, and leaving our home (at least what was our home) when I am taking the boys to school and picking them up. I feel like you want to rub your relationship with this married man in my face. I don&#8217;t even know who you are any more. The woman I married would have never done this. I have a hard time really believing that this makes you truly happy inside. I know that it may fill some need right now. But I know that the last time that I saw you this thin was after your son died. If you can really convince yourself that this is truly what you want in your life, then you are not the woman that I want in my life any more at all. You tell me that the boys are more important than anything to you. Your actions and decisions during the last five months say otherwise. I hate the fact that you think that they will be "ok", through all of this. You have to know that they will carry this scar throughout their whole life. They&#8217;ve already seen you with him, and will know in later years that what was going on was not right. You know as well, if not better than I do, that children learn what they are shown more than what they are told. I can&#8217;t stand the thought of telling our oldest son that we will not be together as a family for Christmas. He told my parents the other night that we would be having Christmas together at our house as a family. He seems to remember us telling him that, when we seperated.

Because of the way I am feeling, and to protect myself from any further pain, and also to keep myself from getting to a place where I hate you, I have to insist that you no longer contact me in any way at all. That means that I don&#8217;t want you calling me, emailing me, or coming into my parents house. I talked to sister in law and I believe that she will act as the go between for us as far as any communication. I&#8217;m sure that she can also relay any phone calls when necessary. You can email her your schedule each week and I will be responsible for watching the boys when you are working or otherwise, pretty much like it has been. If you need to drop the boys off after school before you go to work, then you can usually drop them off at my parents office. If for some reason either sister in law or my parents aren&#8217;t available, I know that the boys can get from the car to the house by themselves just fine. I know you don&#8217;t want this for them and neither do I, but I have to do this to protect myself from any further contact with you as long as you are involved with OM. You say you know how I feel, but since you haven&#8217;t gone through what I am, you don&#8217;t know what I truly am feeling any more than I can ever feel your experience with losing your son. The only exception to you contacting me directly would be for any medical emergency involving the boys or when you have ended ALL contact with OM. Until then I cannot, and will not have any contact with you, or see you. I am not doing this to &#8220;punish&#8221;, you, or &#8220;get back&#8221; at you. This is only about protecting myself from any further harm, and before my love for you dwindles away any further.

When this affair ends I would love to discuss the possibility of recovery and reconciliation. I have come to learn that there are ways to do this and create a marriage that was better than we have ever had before. I know that neither one of us wants to go back to the way things have been.

All that&#8217;s left of my love, still your husband, Biscayne

Any Better?

<small>[ October 23, 2002, 12:40 PM: Message edited by: Biscayne ]</small>

Much better...but...I still believe that she may ignore the most important information in the last of your letter and focus on the first paragraph instead.

She may be hunting for reasons to "stick by her choices" and you're insistence of replaying her actions which have caused you pain/sorrow could be the excuse she needs to avoid facing what she has choosen.

She KNOWS what she is doing isn't right. She knows that she is hurting her children. She knows that you've been hurt and are hurting. She's going to feel as if you are attempting to use her love for her children as a weapon to beat her over the head with. jmho While everything you said may well be the honest truth...she doesn't want to listen. I'm sure you've said most if not all of this before, maybe in different ways, but repeating it now is counter-productive. again...jmho

[b[ I am finding myself in a dangerous place with my love for you. I have been hurt so much by your actions and involvement with OM that I find myself beginning to dislike you more than I love you.[/b]
Change to something like, “your involvement with om causes me such pain. I feel I am losing the love I have left for you, which is something I do NOT want to happen.”

I felt you coming back towards our marriage several weeks ago and then like a snap, I felt you turn back around.
Don’t need.

I feel like you want to rub your relationship with this married man in my face.
Change to, “I feel like you are rubbing your relationship with this married man in my face and it hurts.”
Don’t tell her how she feels or what she wants.

I don’t even know who you are any more. The woman I married would have never done this. I have a hard time really believing that this makes you truly happy inside. I know that it may fill some need right now. But I know that the last time that I saw you this thin was after your son died. If you can really convince yourself that this is truly what you want in your life, then you are not the woman that I want in my life any more at all. You tell me that the boys are more important than anything to you. Your actions and decisions during the last five months say otherwise. I hate the fact that you think that they will be "ok", through all of this. You have to know that they will carry this scar throughout their whole life. They’ve already seen you with him, and will know in later years that what was going on was not right. You know as well, if not better than I do, that children learn what they are shown more than what they are told. I can’t stand the thought of telling our oldest son that we will not be together as a family for Christmas. He told my parents the other night that we would be having Christmas together at our house as a family. He seems to remember us telling him that, when we seperated.
Too much. This should be a positive letter, not a finger-pointing letter. Rephrase it and tell her you still love her and still want the marriage. You are working on yourself and learning about relationships and how to make them fulfilling for both partners.

Because of the way I am feeling, and to protect myself from any further pain, and also to keep myself from getting to a place where I hate you, I have to insist that you no longer contact me in any way at all. That means that I don’t want you calling me, emailing me, or coming into my parents house.
Something like – Because of the way I am feeling, and to protect myself from any further pain and losing more of the love I do have for you, I ask that you do not contact me in any way until you are willing to end your relationship with om (use his name if you know it).

I know you don’t want this for them
Again, don’t tell her what she is thinking. It’s okay to tell her what she said.

You say you know how I feel, but since you haven’t gone through what I am, you don’t know what I truly am feeling any more than I can ever feel your experience with losing your son.
Just tell her about yourself, not her.

When this affair ends I would love to discuss the possibility of recovery and reconciliation.
When you have permanently separated from om, then we can discuss possible reconciliation

All that’s left of my love, still your husband
With all my love, you husband.

Okay, but this is supposed to be basically a love letter. It may be the last thing she will hear from you so make it good. No little jabs or pokes at her. Remember, marriage is not about laying blame, but accepting responsibility.

Biscayne,

Good points from Chris (as always)! Now Biscayne, let's bump this up and get more input!

L.

^

<small>[ October 24, 2002, 08:46 PM: Message edited by: Biscayne ]</small>

Hey B....
A little later than I hoped to be able to get to this. It's been a very loooooong week!

So, I will confess to not reading all the posts. Forgive me if I repeat what others have said.

First, let me give you the guidelines for a Plan B letter. They are:

1. I love you
2. I married you for life; I want to stay married to you.
3. This thing you are doing is too painful for me to endure. It is destroying my love for you.
4. To preserve the feelings I have for you, until you end the A, and agree to n/c I cannot see or speak to you.
5. When the A ends, I would love to discuss how we can move forward in restoring our marriage.

With that in mind, let's look at your letter.

Dear WW,

I find it very difficult to write this letter.I love you and always have. I spent the first 20 years of my life looking for you, and when I found you, you were even more than I could have hoped for. When I married you, it was for life. I still want to be married to you for life. I am truly sorry for my part in contributing to our marriage in every way that made you feel so alone.

Very excellent! Good start, talks about how much you love her and want to stay in the M.

I am finding myself in a dangerous place with my love for you. I have been hurt so much by your actions and involvement with OM that I find myself beginning to dislike you more than I love you.

I think I might remove the dislike word, and simply say that you are losing your love for her. I know it's a small point, but it sounds like a threat.

I felt you coming back towards our marriage several weeks ago and then like a snap, I felt you turn back around. I cannot tell you how deeply it hurts me to see his car heading to, and leaving our home (at least what was our home) when I am taking the boys to school and picking them up.

This is good. I know you are not living at home, but I would remove the part in paranthases. It doesn't serve a purpose other than to be a little martyrish.

I feel like you want to rub your relationship with this married man in my face. I don&#8217;t even know who you are any more. The woman I married would have never done this. I have a hard time really believing that this makes you truly happy inside. I know that it may fill some need right now. But I know that the last time that I saw you this thin was after your son died. If you can really convince yourself that this is truly what you want in your life, then you are not the woman that I want in my life any more at all. You tell me that the boys are more important than anything to you. Your actions and decisions during the last five months say otherwise. I hate the fact that you think that they will be "ok", through all of this. You have to know that they will carry this scar throughout their whole life. They&#8217;ve already seen you with him, and will know in later years that what was going on was not right. You know as well, if not better than I do, that children learn what they are shown more than what they are told.

Nope, sorry. All that should go. It's judgemental, lecturinfg, and disrespectful. True? Perhaps. But it has no place in your letter. It's a vent. Keep it here, but don't give it to her.

Remember, you want her to remember the good work you did in Plan A. Don't have her last impression of you ( in writing no less!!) be one of disrespect and put downs.

I can&#8217;t stand the thought of telling our oldest son that we will not be together as a family for Christmas. He told my parents the other night that we would be having Christmas together at our house as a family. He seems to remember us telling him that, when we seperated.

I think this is a good statement. You might want to amend it to talk about how sad YOU are also, that you will not be together for the holidays.

Because of the way I am feeling, and to protect myself from any further pain, and also to keep myself from getting to a place where I hate you, I have to insist that you no longer contact me in any way at all. That means that I don&#8217;t want you calling me, emailing me, or coming into my parents house. I talked to sister in law and I believe that she will act as the go between for us as far as any communication. I&#8217;m sure that she can also relay any phone calls when necessary. You can email her your schedule each week and I will be responsible for watching the boys when you are working or otherwise, pretty much like it has been. If you need to drop the boys off after school before you go to work, then you can usually drop them off at my parents office. If for some reason either sister in law or my parents aren&#8217;t available, I know that the boys can get from the car to the house by themselves just fine.

Except for the hate statement, this is good. Change it to loss of feelings for her. Once again, the letter is not to punish or demean. Simply a statement of your need for protection.

I know you don&#8217;t want this for them and neither do I, but I have to do this to protect myself from any further contact with you as long as you are involved with OM. You say you know how I feel, but since you haven&#8217;t gone through what I am, you don&#8217;t know what I truly am feeling any more than I can ever feel your experience with losing your son.

This serves no purpose. I would take it out.

The only exception to you contacting me directly would be for any medical emergency involving the boys or when you have ended ALL contact with OM.

Both of these statments are excellent. But I think you might want to handle them as separate issues? They each are important. So, you could say: "The only exception to you contacting me directly would be for any medical emergency involving the boys."

And then start a new paragraph that talks about the A ending.

Until then I cannot, and will not have any contact with you, or see you. I am not doing this to &#8220;punish&#8221;, you, or &#8220;get back&#8221; at you. This is only about protecting myself from any further harm, and before my love for you dwindles away any further.

I like how you say this. But I wouldn't say it more than once. Perhaps use these words where you have the same sentiments above.

When this affair ends I would love to discuss the possibility of recovery and reconciliation. I have come to learn that there are ways to do this and create a marriage that was better than we have ever had before. I know that neither one of us wants to go back to the way things have been.

Superb!

All that&#8217;s left of my love, still your husband, Biscayne

Mmmmmmmm... no.... rubbing her face in it. Simply "Love, Biscayne" would be better.

Hope that helps. Feel free to email me if you want. And, as always, my question to everyone who comes looking for me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .... have you signed up for my free enewsletter at www.saveyourmarriagecentral.com ?

I'm glad you're taking this step. It's time.

Blessings to you and your family,

C

<small>[ October 25, 2002, 03:36 PM: Message edited by: cerri ]</small>

Cerri,

Thanks for everything. In the last few days I've slipped past the point where I feel like even reconciling with her. I think that maybe something self protective has kicked in. At this point if she did come to me with the thought of reconciliation, I don't think that I'd be all that keen on even trying. I'd probably say, 1. You need to get yourself into counseling to find out why you are, where you are. 2. Hand her SAA, HNHN, and LB and say, while you're in counseling read these. Give it a few months and then see where we are.

I know that this doesn't fit with MB principals. But like I said earlier, I think that I've gone past that point and don't want to even think about a possible future with her.

I don't think that I can give her the plan B letter in writing. I dont't trust her enough at this point. She may use it against me in D proceedings.

Thanks and God Bless

<small>[ October 26, 2002, 08:55 AM: Message edited by: Biscayne ]</small>