Terrie,
I hope it does not seem that I am preaching to you. You realise I hope that I too have many struggles & uncertainty as to how to best handle certain situations.
One thing that has helped me, was to focus on how to detach. It is a difficult concept for me to grasp and I fly by the seat of my pants! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Here is a copy from a post here, but I have lost the orginal author.
DETACHING
This is an exert from a message posted on a marriage enrichment (“Marriage Builders”) discussion, message board, forum.
"Detachment is not a cold, hostile withdrawal; a resigned, despairing acceptance of anything life and people throw our way; a robotical walk through life oblivious to, and totally unaffected by people and problems; a Pollyanna-like ignorant bliss; a shirking of our true responsibilities to ourselves and others; a severing of our relationships. Nor is it a removal of our love and concern, although sometimes these ways of detaching might be the best we can do, for the moment.
Ideally, detachment is releasing, or detaching from, a person or problem in love. We mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically disengage ourselves from unhealthy (and frequently painful) entanglements with another person's life and responsibilities, and from problems we cannot solve, according to a handout, entitled "Detachment," that has been passed around Al-Anon groups for years.
Detachment is based on the premises that each person is responsible for himself, that we can't solve problems that aren't ours to solve, and that worrying doesn't help. We adopt a policy of keeping our hands off other people's responsibilities and tend to our own instead. If people have created some disasters for themselves, we allow them to face their own proverbial music. We allow people to be who they are. We give them the freedom to be responsible and to grow. And we give ourselves that same freedom. We live our own lives to the best of our ability. We strive to ascertain what it is we can change and what we cannot change. Then we stop trying to change things we can't. We do what we can to solve a problem, and then we stop fretting and stewing. If we cannot solve a problem and we have done what we could, we leam to live with, or in spite of, that problem. And we try to live happily—focusing heroically on what is good in our lives today, and feeling grateful for that. We leam the magical lesson that making the most of what we have turns it into more.
Detachment involves "present moment living"—living in the here and now. We allow life to happen instead of forcing and trying to control it. We relinquish regrets over the past and fears about the future. We make the most of each day.
Detachment also involves accepting reality—the facts. It requires faith—in ourselves, in God, in other people, and in the natural order and destiny of things in this world. We believe in the rightness and appropriateness of each moment. We release our burdens and cares and give ourselves the freedom to enjoy life in spite of our unsolved problems. We trust that all is well in spite of the conflicts. We trust that Some-one greater than ourselves knows, has ordained, and cares about what is happening. We understand that this Someone can do much more to solve the problem than we can. So we try to stay out of His way and let Him do it. In time, we know that all is well because we see how the strangest (and sometimes most painful) things work out for the best and for the benefit of everyone.
…The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways; and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems."
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Take what you want & leave the rest.
I recall that you were working with Lexxy on a formal Plan B kind of letter -- Did you actually deliver that?
You have done your best to restore a marital relationship -- I believe he has major issues that have nothing to do with you -- he just projects them onto you!
I agree that it seems time to try & Let Go ... Let God (take over -- turn it over to our Lord) --You have done enough -- detach -- move on, at least emotionally.
I know it is difficult and it is painful.
Prayers are with you.
