Hello! I'm fairly new but have posted and read quite a bit on this site, its very interesting!
I have questions regarding traditional "gender roles" because marriage and divorce seem to be a hot topic these days...
I am in my late 20's and my H in his mid 30's, first marriage for both, we have been married 1 1/2 years, lived together for 4 before that and no kids yet. My H had an A w/ his coworker and we're slowly going through the recovery process as I discovered it 2 months ago (he had apparently ended it a month before I found out).

Although there's never a good excuse for adultry, he had mentioned in counseling that part of it was because he felt I never appreciated him or respected his job, like a lot of little things were not good enough for me, plus our intimancy was becoming few and far between because we were always so tired from work, activities and life in general. Bottom line, we were not depositing enough "love units" and meeting each other's needs, I have begun to question myself, him, our roles, expectations and priorities because of it...

I have always wondered how older couples stay married for so many years? What has worked? Is it now become that neither men nor women are aware of our priorities anymore?

Many young adults struggle with this, especially women I think. We want to be SO independent but in doing so perhaps we are making men feel less appreciated and so they have affairs with women who make them feel more appreciated, or because they feel they can't give enough to us so we feel unappreciated and WE have affairs! Am I making any sense? Should we try and learn lessons from our mothers and grandmothers in the way we approach marriage and the role of husband and wife? I'm curious because I'm so fascinated by older couples who manage to stay loyal and married to each other for 50+ years, and many of them actually seem happy! Well honestly, I have admiration for any marriage that can last over 10 years! That's a bit sad, isn't it?

<small>[ October 24, 2002, 08:50 PM: Message edited by: zany ]</small>