What is the first step in accepting that there may be no hope? Everyone is telling me to give up, that her mind is pretty much made up. She is a pretty determined person and as my C told me today, it sounds like she has dug her position regarding the divorce pretty deep.

How can she throw away 9 years of our lives just like that? Why does she blame me for everything? Why does she treat me like I am the enemy, a person who was still making love to me 3 months ago and who was still telling me she loved me 8 months ago?

How do I begin (or continue maybe) to pick up the pieces of my life and re-build again?

You can tell I am feeling down tonight. Is this my self-pity party for the week?

Accepting that a marriage which you want to continue so badly may not, isn't easy. Try stepping back and looking at everything that has happened. IS your marriage worth saving? Are you trying to hang on to someone who has already released you?

Sometimes having someone argue that you are making the wrong choice only increases their resistence to seeing that you might be correct.

Sad to say, a woman who leaves a marriage is less likely to return to it then the man who leaves. Am sure there is some "important" reason why this seems to be true...but all I know is that it is.

My advice is to back off as much as possible, and just work on making your own life better and happier without her in the picture. Then if something happens with her, you get a bonus...if you are still even interested by then.

You begin one step at a time. Continue with your counseling sessions, focus on those areas of your life where you feel you could improve, began going out with friends and having a life that doesn't revolve around your W. Start living and looking for new options for yourself.

If the marriage survives...great. If it doesn't...you have a great life anyway!