OK he says he is totally through with OW #1 and he is not having or had any contact with her. Not even by phone. I'm sick I know. I have had lots of contact with her via email and a few phone calls. I can't explain why. I feel drawn to her for answers but I know she's most likely lying b/c she wants him still. He says he doesn't understand what I get out of it by talking to her except hurt and upset. Which is true. I guess I'm a glutan for punishment. anyway, I have vowed to myself not to email her anymore for any reason. Someone keeps calling our house unavailable repeatedly but only during the hours I am at work. I have a strong gut feeling it is her. He swears he has not talked to her at all and that I keep things churned up by email. I haven't had any emails from her in two weeks. So I'm doing good. Right down to it. I don't think he's telling me the truth. It's driving me crazy. What do I do? I'm tired of changing my number.

SC4H

Ok. I was not aware you were emailing/calling the OW. WOW..that sure is keeping the stew stewing so to speak.

If your H has NC with OW, why do you have contact with her? That's crazy and adding to your issues. Please really stick to your plan of NC. Of course she is lying and so long as you keep emailing/calling her, she will keep feeding you BS and it keeps their whole whatever they had going on...ON.

For your sake and that of your H. Let it go. If he is telling you there is NC, try to believe him. If you keep doubting him..guess what. He may just resume contact because after all "You don't believe him anyway".

Change your number ONE LAST TIME. If she gets it then I think you have the answers.

Your marriage will not get better if you keep in contact with the OW. How is that helping your H recover from being a WS?

I hope you really look at this and stick to your guns on the NC. Its IMPORTANT.

Someone that cares.
Zoey

I am sticking to my guns. She usually initiates it so I guess really looking at it, she's fishing because he truly is not talking to her. I don't give her any pertinent info but I have left it open for her to continue to email. I have been ignoring her the last few times she did. I don't call her. For my sanity and the hope of our marriage I am letting go of it. I must trust him if he says he is not seeing her. And I believe I will change my number one last time. Thanks Zoey. This web is so tangled I can't believe I am a part of this. This is so not what I thought my life would be like this, but I guess none of us do. NC!! NC!!! NC!!!! Baby steps and trust him a little.

As long as you are having contact with the OW, then YOU are keeping the affair going. STOP! Let it die!

Unavailable numbers call ALL the time, they are usually sales calls, made by a computer....we all get them...rather our numbers are listed or not. This is NO indication that she is calling your home!

Loss of trust is one of the major stumbling blocks to rebuilding. You must take some things on "faith" when rebuilding. IF...your H and this OW are in contact again...you WILL find out. Might not find out immediately, but you will discover this. If they are not in contact...then you are putting un-called for pressure on yourself and your H by worrying too much about something you have no control over.

Keep your eyes open...but don't blind yourself to the real progress in the marriage by seeing what isn't there...Fear can control us...if we allow it to do so.

Good Luck!

SC4H - Wanna have a little fun? Next time she writes you, reply like this:

1. Change the subject to "MESSAGE UNDELIVERABLE"
2. Put text like this at the top of the message:
<strong>The MMS SMTP Relay is returning your message because:
Unable to deliver to recipient on remote mail host:
<youremail@youremail.com> - 550
<youremail@youremail.com>... User unknown</strong>

This makes it "appear" that you've changed your e-mail address.

Once you've done that, then block her email address and you won't be bothered should she try again.

Hit me in the head with a 2x4. I forgot to tell you I get UNAVAILABLE on my phone LOTS of times. Its telemarketers. Just the wifey 2002 is RIGHT on the money!

Riff: You are TOOOOOOO funny. I like that idea. SC4H..Keep that handy!

I know most of them are telemarketers but some to the companies around here when they call out come up unavailable. For instance, when my husband worked for Cinular Wireless if he called from worked he would come up unavailable. I do understand what you mean but like yesterday someone called 6 times in a row. From about 4:45pm to 5:05 pm. I get home around 5:20pm. It just seemed odd. Seemed a desperation move before I got home. I could be wrong but I also know she comes up unavailable because she has left messages in the past that coincided with the time and "unavailable" listing. Anyway, I am letting it all go.

Riff: Thanks. I will keep that one handy and use that the next time she emails me.

Thanks guys you are great!!! Especially in my weakest moments.

Ok I agree that is a little weird. That many times in a short amount of time but don't fret about it. Just let it go. If you get one when you are home. PICK up the phone. If its a telemarketer they will say something, if not, then YOU say something..

Also when you get one of those calls ask them to remove your number from their calling list. Sometimes that helps.

Its okay we are all here for you. We all have our weak moments too and we understand. I for one hope I don't sound hard on you but I am only saying the truth because I care about you and I don't like to sweeten things up to make someone feel better. I rather speak the truth, even if its hard, because at least its the truth and personally I will take that anyday over a bunch of BS.. :-)

Talk to you soon

I went for a long walk today I thought about ya. Too bad you couldn't walk with me and walk off some of that stress :-)

Zoey

Riff...LOVE THAT!