Coming up on two weeks after D-Day and the thing I cannot understand ... actaully, there are lots of things I can't or don't understand. Like how my W, a woman I've loved for more than 10 years, could shut me out of her birthday celebration. Or how she can't see how absurd her behavior is and how much it's hurting me. Or how messy all this is and. Or how she can say "I don't want to get too comfortable here (in our house) because that's not a reason to stay." Or how ... the list goes on and on. I know it's a futile pursuit, this trying to understand the mind and actions of a wayward spouse. And I know she's hurting, too. I know there's a part of her internal monologue that tells her that I'm still the one. And all I want to do is make her feel better so we can move forward. She's so vital and magnetic and beautiful and important and I don't want to lose her. And I don't want her to lose me.

<small>[ October 23, 2002, 04:42 PM: Message edited by: coguy ]</small>

I have no answers but I have all those questions and more so I know where you're coming from. I hope we can find answers somewhere or at some peace.

coguy & stillcrazy4him,

I am sorry that both of you feel this way. I can tell you, and I hope that you do take some comfort in this - it does get better with time. I am the FWS and my H and I are almost a year into recovery. He still has bad days every once in a great while but not many. Shortly after
D-day my H decided to have a revenge A, not the smartest thing to do I know. I had a lot of BS issues after my H and I decided to reconcile. I don't really think about his A at all anymore. Some of our questions regarding the A's were answered, the "how" and "why", but you just get to a point where you know you want to get past this. You know you want to rebuild your M and the answers just don't matter anymore. It is still important to figure out what was missing in the R to allow the A to happen, but the detailed questions just become useless. I've often wondered, how could my H bring our children around OW, how could he bring them to her home and stay the night with them there. I never involved my children with OM, in fact they never met the OM. At this point though the question doesn't matter. Honestly if he gave me an answer now, a year after the fact what would it prove? Rebuilding my M is more important.

I hope the two of you can eventually get to this point. Good Luck.

DU

Thank you, DU.