Hello,
Just wanted everyone to know my marrige has failed. I have done all i can do and still a'm not getting no where with H. I can't live in this kind of stress any longer. Thank u all for the help and kindness i have recived since when i first joined here, u all have no ideal what u all have meant to me, thanks and thanks again soooooo much! Cathy

Cathy,
Are you OK? What happened? Did you find something else out to confirm your suspicions?
Please let us know what happened so we can help you more. This site can help you even if your marriage isn't going to work out (like mine!) Please stay and let us help you.
BH

Brokenhearted,
Yes at least i think i a'm still ok. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> i did find out some things that tore me apart. i knew he was into porn, but... what i diden't know was he was looking at LIVE porn with women. I saw alot of veido clips <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> not to mention found out when i was out of town at my parents house taking care of them that my H was thrown in jail and lied to me about some things, as well as my friends. I have tried and tried to sit down and talk with him over his lying but all he says is i do not know what u are talking about, and then gets very offence and starts laughing. H e is in his own little world it seems like. Then i don't know if i told u or not that about 7 months ago i was in his car snooping around 1 day and fount this little black case that was in his school bag hidden under a bunch of papers, he is a plumber and goes to school. anyways i opened it and i saw a razor blade that was it. When i confronted him about that and what i fount he said oh that is just a razor blade i use to cut pipes. but the next day when i went out to get the case that was in his school bag it was GONE!!!! never have fount it. if he was not trying to hide something then to me he would not of botherd to move it. He has been coming home with glased eyes, mood swings very offence when i tell him what i feel he is doing. just alot of signs i think that he may be on coke. and most the time when i do try to talk to him all he does is start laughing. i still haven't been able to prove he is actually cheating on me but i also did find out that he was surfing the web alot about a secret e-mail account something to do with a p.o. box u can get for 2.99 Then on my caller id i saw a number that was called here from a pay phone and outher numbers that looked sup. but when i called i never got a answer just ringing. also i have gotton some cell phone calls on my caller id but when i try to call them back it tells me they are not avabile. so then i leave a message and never get a responce back. ect. Cathy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi Cathy,
How awful for you to find out about the porn! Everything you have told me sounds suspicious, but without his confirmation, that is all you have are suspicions. However, I do agree with you that all the signs are pointing to an A. Do you have a counselor? If it is at all possible, try to see one. You really need to speak to someone to help sort all of this out. IMHO, I don't see that it does you any good to talk to your husband about your suspicions, so I wouldn't bother any more. It just seems to be futile and frustrating. I am going to ask some of the pros here to help you out. Hopefully someone will read this and be able to give you more helpful advice. I am so sorry I can't be of more help to you. Take care of yourself hon.
Hugs
BH

in the dark,

I am sorry to hear how stressed you are!!!

I am not pro or expert by any means, bh seems to be worried for you and thought I would see if I could help in anyway.

My thought is from your post that you have tolerated the lying and decite all of these years, he sees no reason to change or to answer your questions truthfully or honestly. I would suggest reading all you can on Plan A, remebering that it is for you to focus on your self and becoming a better and stronger you. You can't really take on the problems of your spouse, you need to take care of you right now. If you do an effective plan A and only worry about your self (saying that you will take care of the problems with spouse as soon as you are strong enough) your H will see the changes in you and will be made to make the decision for himself, that he can either change and come around or that you might be moving on as you don't need him anymore.

Just my 2 cents worth this evening for you!!! Hope that there is something there that will help!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

daybreak,
Ty so much for replying back. it sure meant alot, I a'm afride that i just can't bother anymore with H so, there really woulden't be much since in reading plan A. but as i said ty alot for responding to my post. God Bless u and i hope everything turns out ok for u and your family. Cathy

((((((((((in the dark))))))))))))))

Trust your gut feelings on this one. When I found out WH was on coke, I knew that was it for me if he continued to do what he was doing. (he has) Steve Harley suggested that I tell WH that he is hurting us way too much, that I know he is on coke, I know he is still seeing OW, that until he can get himself in a better place, then we have to keep our distance. That it hurts me more than you can know.

I attend alanon which has helped soooooo much and also open AA meetings. All the alcoholics & addicts have told me the same thing as steve, let him go with love.

If my wh ever does decide to get straight/sober, then I may consider seeing if we have a R or not.

When someone is on coke, they don't give a rat's a@$ what goes on outside their little fantasy world. There is no way to build a R when someone is in that state.

Please, protect you and your kids if you have any. Go to Alanon and open AA meetings & ask questions of the people that remind you of your H.

May God be with you, I know it is not easy. Don't stuff it, don't deny it, face what ever needs to be faced. ( I don't know your story so please forgive me if these don't apply. It was so easy for me to keep looking at my vision of how I wanted WH to be and not what he is now.)

God Bless,

D

will getthru this,
Ty for responding! yes alot did apply. Could u tell me the signs of coke? My H has been coming home somethimes, with glassy eyes, he gets mad at me when i confront him about that i think he is on coke and then laughs about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Did u read in my post where i fount a razor blade that was in a little black case hidden underneath his papers in his school bag? iI confronted him about that and this is what he said..... oh that is just so i can cut pipes at my job! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> so i left it at that and diden't say no more as i felt like he was lying to me, so the next day i went out to his car to get that case and it was no where to be fount. Now if he was not up to something then why would he bother to hide it? Cathy

Inthe,

I would encourage you to protect financial assetts ASAP

Drugs especially cocaine can be extremely costly and finnacially damaging... and you can always prepare for the worst...but hope for the best...

Much luck to you on this...
ARK

Take a holiday, to Thailand, Maylaysia, Indonesia, the Philipines ... experience the dark forces of that kind.

<small>[ October 26, 2002, 11:49 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

in The Dark,

I'm sorry.....your going through this.My husband(stbx),was into drugs....pot and dabbled in coke.Pot will make you very chilled out,red eyes.Coke makes you feel on top of the world,confident...this is what hubbie has told me in the past!!
Coke is very expensive along with crack(another form).STBX,has suffered panic attacks and it's made him VERY MOODY,If it's coke...he'll get angry when he doesn't have it.
There are many forms of using it smoking it,rubbing it on your gums,sniffing it.
I found pot in my basement and in his bag...I haven't found coke....but a silver pipe that wasn't a pot pipe,so thats why I think My stbx was back into it.
Your love bank can become empty quickly when dealing with a drug addicted person,porn addicted(same with my stbx),and the affairs topped it off,has be become verbal abusive?
My stbx said I had no clue what I was talking about..even after I HAD PROOF!!