Even though I just found MB I feel like I have been doing some type of Plan A off and on for the last 3 years. I don't know that I have anything left in me. Yesterday I spoke of the "unavailable" calls and yesterday there were 17 within a 4 hour period. I know it's her. Anyway, I asked if we could get our number changed and he said yes. So I guess that helped some.

Major LB? I'm sure it is. Sometimes I just can't help myself. I snooped this morning after weeks of being "good" and found a cell # in his pocket. I called it and it was a W who claims not to know him and doesn't know why he has her number but apologized to me. What's up with that?

This is a major argument for us continually. He always says "this is a 2 way street". I know that but everytime I snoop I find something whether it's days, weeks or months in between. My husband has always had a lot of "girl" friends and I guess in a way it has always bothered me. Mainly b/c the majority of them hang up on me if they call the house.

Since I've been here I've really been looking at everything in a whole new light. I have been in such a fog and I guess denial. I just didn't want to see things as they really were. I feel so stupid and niave. No, I just trusted him whole heartedly! But the signs were right there in my face. Sometimes I bucked the system and asked or confronted but everything was explainable. He had become the master of deception. I've heard some of his work or I guess really all of it but I see him lying to everyone. So how am I suppose to believe anything he says to me.

I am trying to let go of everything and start with a clean slate and quit all the accusations and assumptions of him doing wrong but it is so hard when things seem to keep happening. So many questions. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Hi SC4H,

Sorry you are feeling so sad today. You have a point. Something is not right about getting that many calls in such a short period of time. Glad you got your number changed.

Does you H have a cell phone? Just curious.

The snooping, well that is NOT something you should be blasted for. You have concerns and are not getting any real answers.

What was on the paper with the cell phone number? Any name? Could he have found something in the paper he wanted to purchase? Is there any explanation for it? Did the girl sound legitimate like she honestly didn't know who he was?

I know this is distressing. Its not healthy. How long do you want to continue to feel this way?

I was not aware that he lies to everyone like you said. Then there is a definite problem there. Has he gone or will he go to any counseling? Perhaps something happened as a kid to start him on this path of deception.

Im struggling to search for some answers for you. You sound like you have a big decision to make as to what you want to do or what you will take and for how long.

Thinking of ya
Zoey

SC4H,
I'm also a snooper (or was, while H was still living at home). But the first rule of snooping is to be prepared for what you may (or may not) find out. Having said that...you can do an online search for phone numbers. It's called a "reverse look up" through one of these sites: People Find , US Search, or Know X. Do you have caller ID? If you're getting a lot of hang-ups at home, that would keep a record of who's calling. It is GREAT that your H agreed to change your number, that's a good sign!

There is a lot about your situation that isn't known. Also, you said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am trying to let go of everything and start with a clean slate and quit all the accusations and assumptions of him doing wrong but it is so hard when things seem to keep happening. So many questions. I just don't know what to do anymore. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is good, but it will be very hard without some outside input (counseling). Trust me, so many of us here at MB have been through the exact same issues: trust, betrayal, infidelilty, starting over, etc... Are you seeing a counselor? That would certainly help you focus, on both you personally, and direction.

sorry the more I write and read the more I think. My eyes are opening more and more. I've been in denial for so long. A HUGE doormat. I've about come to the end of my rope. I keep praying. I have prayed harder than I have ever prayed before. Sometimes I just want to pack up and leave but I have 2 kids, no place to go and no money. And probably too much pride. My marriage isn't working! I feel like the whole thing was a joke. He won't go to counseling. Says "he doesn't care how many degrees you have you can't know how I'm feeling and I don't need anyone telling me how I feel." His thought is he says he's through with all of the lying, cheating and hurtful ways and he's ready to move on. Knows it will take time but is tired of rehashing all the things he has done.

I'm tired too. He seems so split. One day the perfect husband and father and the next a cold hearted player.

He does not have a cell phone anymore. MAJOR drama when he had a cell phone and a pager before that.

I feel so blind sided by it all. I just can't imagine him doing this to me. I would never do it to him. I thought we were doing OK. Boy was I wrong! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />