Hoping to get any responses with hope of saving my M. Here is my story. Married 9 years together 12, with two boys (10 & 17-my prev M of 8 years).

First off I will tell you that I was a former WW who had an EA with a co-worker that lasted 6 months, that was 6 years ago. My BS found out and I ended it right away realizing what I was about to loose, my husband I love and possibly my children. At the time of my EA, I was of course 'in a fog' and was only thinking of my selfish emotional needs!!.

I cryed and begged forgivness from my H to take me back and promised to work on our M. Since that time we have had the usual ups and downs of everyday life, work, kid's but we were a happy family. My H and I talked about the EA when it was discovered and I thought everything was fine. In July my H told me he had to 'leave could not be here anymore he had met someone'.

H had only known OW for a few weeks, OW had a BF at the time they first met.

Prior to this I had thought we were getting along great, he even kissed me the night before he left.
He left and moved in with his parents 50 miles away in another state. The OW lives in the same town has his parents, and my H was seeing her while he was there.

His parents caught on and kicked him out and told him to 'go home to his wife and work it out'. Of course he didn't and found an apartment for himself. Now I discover that OW has moved in, but she does not work and he is paying for all the rent and bills. My H is 38 and OW is 21 go figure?. These are the odd things my H has told me since he left in July:

I love you but I'm not in love with you.

It's me and not you, you didn't do anything.

I've been unhappy for quite awhile now.

I wasn't looking for anyone, it just happened one look.

She makes me feel alive, no one has made me feel like this.

I never got over the EA.

I can't change I've always been this way.

I feel empty inside, I can only come back when I feel full?? What???

When he first left he was very depressed and said nasty things to me. I asked him at that time to come home so we could work on our M. He said it was 'too late, he was in love with OW'. We have since worked things out finacially and we are maitaining two seperate households. He has told me that he was going to file for divorce but that has been a month already and he has done nothing.

Last weekend was my 40th birthday, my SIL came and spent the day with me. My H also sent me a card and called on the phone to wish me a good birthday, what is that? We do have phone contact and email including IM, and are civil to each other. There has been no talk on divorce for the past 4 weeks, and we do not talk R or LB eachother. I'm trying to be his friend, no matter how much it hurts me.

I have a better understanding of what he is going thru since I was in his shoes as a WW. Am I being a fool, by waiting and giving him a chance? I told him when he left that I understood, but I choose my family and he took me back. Why can't he make the same choice?

Thanks for any input on this.