Zorweb, 2long all all other fellow MB friends,

Well let's start by telling u all that I know this is not good but I am starting to not like my H. I found out the the ow is the company *hore. Everyone has had a turn and I guess my WH's # came up. ow will go with anyone and do anyone that gives her a ride. They call her **** the *hore. ow also goes drinking with anyone who invites her out. Now mind you this is 2nd shift I am referring to. 2nd shift gets out anywhere from 12am-2am. Everyone grabs her front and back and she just laughs. What a PIG!!!!!!

That's what floored me. I was just about sick to my stomach when I found out what a pig ow is. I can't believe that my H would even look at something like that. I know find myself being turned off completely by my H. I think about what I could have caught. GOD forbid I could have contracted Aids...... I am going again to the Doctor to get ever test you can think of now. I don't know what it is but I don't even want to speak to my H. I feel total disgust for him. Is that normal??????

I am now getting myself together. And I am not worring about H anymore. It's about time!!!! I am finally finishing school, I am going to take video or tv classes. Believe it or not I am going to be a Teacher. I am also going to go back to work (and get paid cash) while I finish school. I even went back to unemployment and now am in the process of appealing unemployement. (I was layed off in Sep 2001). My job was suppose to call me back since I am a union employee but as of today's date they have not.

And guess what?????????? Now my WH is asking me what is going on with me. I just said that I have to take care of me now.

lost

<small>[ October 24, 2002, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: lost ]</small>

Yeah, I can sure relate. My WH is a joke among all our friends and co-workers. Like so many Western men over here in Asia, he's fallen for one of these sl*ts. She's pregnant, convinced him it's his, & is slowly wiping him out financially. I caught an STD in July (before I knew) & have gone for an AIDS test too. YOU SHOULD DO THAT AS WELL! And then I saw he'd been going out on this "find a friend in Asia" site back in early 2002. Wonder if that's where he met her?? How pathetic. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Like you, I go through periods where I wonder if I still love him. And when I realize I do still love him and want to stay married, I wonder if that makes me just as pathetic as he. But then I remember he's gone middle-age-crazy & been abducted by aliens, besides having severe mental problems (depression).

I try to think of this like he's got some disease, like cancer. If it was cancer, I sure wouldn't desert him. I'd stand by him and nurse him back to health. And if I couldn't then I would turn it over to professionals who could. And only if he died would I move on. I know it's not a great comparison - after all, our WH's have choices & free will, and what they did & are doing is reprehensible. But I find it helps me get through the worst times when I feel the most disgust & despair.

Now the trick is to figure out when our WH's have "died". Maybe you've figured out that yours already has. Sure hope so - you sound like you're doing great! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ October 25, 2002, 12:41 AM: Message edited by: SH94 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lost:
<strong>

Well let's start by telling u all that I know this is not good but I am starting to not like my H.

I don't know what it is but I don't even want to speak to my H. I feel total disgust for him. Is that normal??????

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok, besides the fact that the OW has a serious lack of self-esteem and self- worth, there are more important issues for you here. There's nothing you can do about her behaviour, don't even try.

I once read that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. The fact you still feel something, although negative, can be good. Your M will not save itself and throwing it away because you feel betrayed, hurt, disgusted and angry is not the answer either.

I understand how you feel, I truly do. Right now you shouldn't make any hasty decisions. You are not in the right frame of mind. You need to educate yourself as to how and why A's happen. This site is a good place to start. Are you seeing a MC/IC? If not, it may be a wise thing to do...if cost is a factor, consider this...IC/MC is cheaper than D! Look after yourself. It's important your health (emotional and physical) remain good.

It's normal to feel the things you are feeling. At some point you have to deal with those feelings in an effective and positive way. If you become bitter and cynical with unresolved 'baggage' then the OW has 'won'. She has in effect gotten control of your M, made herself feel better and made you look like an unforgiving, passionless W. Make the effort to get control of this situation! If your M is going to end it should end because both you and your WH did everything you could to make the M a success and it just wouldn't work. It shouldn't end because of an OP.

SH94,

Yesterday was a period of wonder. Like you I also wonder if I still love him. NO... you are not pathetic, nor am I. We are just here for support, looking for answers. My WH just turned 39 and it may even be a MLC/abduction & mental problems all wrapped into him. His moods are hot and cold. Just yesterday, he told me that I don't really know how much he loved our kids, it really didn't matter if he was unhappy. And this morning he told the kids that we were going to a wedding tomorrow. If I made him so unhappy why would he even want me to go with him?

You are right disqust and despair has helped me so much. This period in time has by far been the best for me.

I am not LB'ing nor am I questioning H. Even though I want to I am controlling myself and keeping myself occupied. That helps.... I have been on this site probably a month of so after d-day 03-21-02 and just now I am realizing that I have to take care of me.

What happened with your WH? Is he filing for D? How are you doing?

lost

lost:

Hi! Well, in a way it's "good news" that the OW was everyone's "toy", because she couldn't have meant that much 2 him, could she? But you are wise 2 be tested for STDs, because her "behavior" certainly increases the chances of that.

I've followed your story since March, and I would have 2 say that you're doing amazingly well, considering what's happened 2 you in that time. ...you have a much stronger sense of self-worth, in particular. You may have 2 change your name 2 "found" at some point! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey, do me a favor. Order a copy of Greg Baer's book "The Truth About Relationships". I've found it extremely helpful 2 me in dealing with the feelings of "hate" that come and go through this. It's changed my life, in fact.

best regards,

mgm,

Yes, I know I can't change ow behavior, but I was delighted..... Does that make sense??? I am not thinking of giving up on my M, I just have a different mind set now. I was so jealous and always wondering about measuring up to the ow. Since the ow works with my H I was always worring about competing. But when I found out what type of person she was I felt 100x better about myself. Even though I felt disqust for my WH. My H did say that he cared for her, but you know something evvvvvvvvveryone at his company diddddddddddddddd at one time. H never said that he loves her though. A plus for me.

My d-day was 03-24-02 and I have been on MB for quite awhile it has just taken me this long to really incorporate the principals. I bet there are a ton of us on this site that have a awakening. My awakening just happened to take 7 months. Believe it or not I have read SAA/ATA/HNHN/OLB & Torn Asunder. We were going to MC but now we can't afford it. But as soon as we get our finances together I am going to go back. I'm not sure if H wants to go back.

Believe me, the ow will not win. I am going to do everything in my power to win my H back. I do Love Him, I was just having a hard time last week with finding out about the ow. 2 steps back 1 step forward.

lost/found

<small>[ October 28, 2002, 10:42 PM: Message edited by: lost ]</small>

2long,

Hello.......... Yes, it is good news that the ow is the company toy. I was disappointed with my H though, that's why I thought that I hated him. In all reality I still Love him. I was just freaking out about the ow. I did get tested once of STDs but I am going back to recheck, better safe then sorry. When I found out about the ow I told my H that he needs to find out exactly what he wants and he should start asking about ow. H looked dumb founded. (I really don't think that he knew). I told him that as least he knew who I had been with, he never had to worry about meeting anyone on the street and wondering if I had been with them. That was a LB day... oopss

I do have a stronger sense of self-worth. I had lost that in the past 7 months. You are right I am going to sign lost/found. It's unbelievable how a A can change you. I think I am a better person now. Hopefully my H will see the positive change in me. WH is now asking me what am I up to.

I've read SAA/ATA/HNHN & Torn Asunder, but I will take your advice and buy that book too. I hope it does change my life, only to make it better then it is already. I don't know what my H wants at this point but we are talking more and I am just taking things one day at a time. Word of wisdom. Take care of YOU..... You can't take care of anyone untill you get yourself together first.

2long, I still cry but not as much. And I am still heart broken and very very sad but I am trying to work past that. God forbid there is a program on about infidelity. That I can't bear to watch.(yet)

To all fellow MB friends you never forget but you can forgive.

lost/found

<small>[ October 28, 2002, 10:41 PM: Message edited by: lost ]</small>

lost,

2Long suggested the same book to me, "The Truth about Relationships." I just received my copy last week. I haven't finished yet, but I will say what I have read so far has already changed my attitude in regards to WW and to my whole outlook on relationships. Please get it and read it. I am really looking forward to finishing it and applying it to my life.

Take care of yourself and god bless you and your family.

HW