No problem Sue!

Okay,
I have been having a rough time the last couple of days. I don't know what to do, but I WANT to Lb really bad (I haven't yet). So I brokedown the other night and looked at his phone. I know, I have not snooped in almost a month, but it was just sitting there. Anyway, he had erased all the recent calls! This, I am assuming, means that he talked to her within 10 calls ago because his phone only saves the last 10 calls. I have not said anything, but I am feeling really hurt by this AGAIN! Why does it get to me? I have been assuming that he was still in contact with her, but I guess realizing that he must call her on his way home HURTS!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I know that he is checking the history on my computer, so I erase all of the MB sites I visit and my e-mail checks. Just so he can't come here and read what I am writing. And while the history was on yesterday, I noticed that he is checking his NEW e-mail account on my computer! The one set up for OW and him to communicate! I just think maybe it is time for me to throw in the towel. He doesn't care about me or what I am doing for him. He just wants to be with her. I'm not even sure that he hasn't seen her. When he went to LV, he stayed overnight and she could have met him there. I just don't know anymore... I'm starting to feel sad a lot again, even with my meds. I think I just want to move on. I want someone who will treat me better and care about me, not just what I can accomplish for them.

Last night, my WH called me and asked if I would drive up to SLC to give him some tools that he had left at our house. And what did I do... I drive 30 mins. each way, bring home-made dinner for him and his crew and what do I get in return? He might have said thank-you, but I don't remember so it probably was not too heart-felt. His crew was a lot more appreciative!!! What am I doing??? I am such an enabler! I am letting him walk all over me, and I don't know how to stop it without just saying FORGET IT!!!

I am getting very sad now, so I'm gonna go. But thanks for letting me vent.

PQ

Vent all you want pq. You're feeling drained and it's best to try and detach from him for a bit if you can. Not thanking you for bringing tools and food to the crew is just plain rude. Go out and do something with D for Halloween. Are you taking her trick or treating? Do you go with other kids? Seeing the little ones dressed up should cheer you up -- I'm certainly looking forward to it.

I also wanted to tell you that your trip to LV inspired me. I am going to go to LV next weekend with three girlfriends. One is recovering from breast cancer, one is recently divorced and the other is my sister. We are going to just sleep in, go out to eat, get massages, go to a show and laugh. And, hopefully, I will meet George Clooney in a night club <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sorry you are sad. Keep posting. Thinking of you.

Hey Unsure!

I am glad to here from you. I jsut got done reading Honey's thread and I actually feel worse! My WH also just told me that they didn't finish the job they were working on last night and he has to get it done. He thinks that it will take all day today and tomorrow. He was suppose to have our D tonight, and he had invited me to go trick or treating with them. Now it will just be her and I. Also, he thinking about doing the session with Steve with me tomorrow, but I guess that's out too. Today might be a very long day for me... Thanks for your support!

PQ

Okay,
I had my appointment with Steve. I now understand why I am falling out of love with my WH, but did not really get any advice on what to do to fix that. Wait, I guess I did. I may have to go to a seperated Plan A.

After I was done at school, I went to see if my WH wanted to get something to eat with D and I (he was working very close to my school), and the first thing he asked me is how my session with Steve went. Is that a good sign? I also asked him if he would be willing to talk to Steve as well and he said he would but it was not an enthusiastic yes. So I don't know what to think. He will be home soon and I plan on talking to him about some of the things that we covered in my session like:

-Are we going to work on a path to turn our marriage around? If WS says ANY type of NO, Steve says to have him leave. If yes, then ask him to wait on moving out until he has talked with Steve.

I am so worried about this conversation being a LB for my WH. We have not discussed our R for over three weeks now.

I also don't know how much of what I am feeling to tell him. I am worried that if I tell him I feel like I am falling out of love with him, then he may take that as okay let's throw in the towel. Any advice would be MUCH appreciated!!! I will update tomorrow on how it went.

HUGS!!!
PQ

PQ- Not feeling like i can offer much advice, after the last few days here... and I think I lb'd here on mb trying to explain myself and I did get a little mad... ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I must have been having a sensitive/ even hormonal day to respond as I did...
but I still want to plan a my h, but with boundaries....

I think following Steve's advice is the best you can do, so I commend you for talking to him and for follwoing the plan. I need another sesssion myself with him or Jenn... i started with Jenn, but am now not wanting to pay... the price, but should... soon...

Anyway, My heart is here and thinking of you! I am sorry about the cell phone check.. it is better not to ck, then you can feel and see the good in him better when you are not so angry... It feels good not to ck on my ws so much anymore... i used to be obsessed.

I am thinking of you, vent here and talk here about your anger. I just felt like when I vented everyone started saying.. yes, yes, he is awful, dump him.. when I needed plan a encouragement because that is what is helping...

There will be a time for nc, or way less contact.. and that is happening for me anyway.. but you have to stay in the picture to have a chance... at lesat that is how I feel in my case. Your ws may miss you more if seperated.

Take care of you and your D... I hope you had a happy halloween.

I finished the soldier for os, and the buzz lightyr for ys, and they are gorgeous, a lot of it thanks to my mom, since I ran short on time and she came through for me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I will email the pics to you... soon! Hugs and prayers! Honey

Hi Honey,

Read ALL of the posts last night and some today, but all of your were deleted. I was going to post and tell you to BREATHE, but I didn't know how you would take that. You were getting so upset, I didn't feel like I even knew you!! Are you feeling better now? From what I read, I got out of it that people really wanted you to not be hurt and were trying to show caring, but I also know how frustrating it can be to hear the negatives on what you are trying to accomplish. Please take a break from all of this, and have fun with your Boys! I bet they looked VERY cute yesterday. Hunter was a "feather witch". Which is a witch that has feathers on her outfit. I did get her to let me paint her face green and put a mole on her cheek, but in return we had to paint a spider web with a glitter spider on it. You have to be a cute mean witch ya know!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> She is such a GIRL!!!

As for me, I just started a bath for WH. He is on his way home and has been installing. He has a bad back, and I know he is going to need it. He also told me he wanted to watch videos tonight, so I went and bought "Spiderman" and "The Sum of all Fears". I hope I get a chance to talk to him about all of this other stuff.

Anyway, thanks for always being there for me. You are a great person, please don't ever forget that!

HUGS and PRAYERS to you!!!
PQ

Hi PQ,

I have been reading but have not had much to offer. I have been having a couple of bad days. H and S are going at it, I'm at work, S calls me crying because he thinks H does not love him H told him he can leave (S is 9). A very unrealistic thing to say to a 9 year old. I'm trying to write a paper for school and study for a test. Things should settle down after this week.

Well here is the latest in my world...

Asked WH, "Are we were going to make a plan to get our marriage back on track."
He said, "I don't know."
So I asked, "Do you want to?"
He said, "I'm not sure."

So as per Dr. Harley's advice I told him he needed to move out. I explained how his actions over the past three weeks were hurting me and that I felt like I was almost done with our M.

He said, "What have I done?"

I told him that I didn't appreciate him calling OW on his way home and I knew that she called him at our house and that I didn't like him checking his e-mails from her on my computer.

He very defensively claims, "She has NEVER called me! I call her whenever I want to and yea it might be on my way home, so what."

So I just repeated that I needed him out of the house by Monday.

I honestly did not think I would feel anything, but after this conversation, I couldn't stop crying. I guess I finally felt all hope lost. Dr. Harley told me that is the worst thing that can happen in a M. Now I know why!!! I went up and saw my parents for a bit, then my sis called and wanted to take me out for a beer. So I went, eventhough I can't drink beer on my diet. While at the bar, I met some nice people and one very cute guy. We all played pool and talked. Not that anything will come of this or even that I wanted it to, but it was nice to be noticed and actually feel attractive. It's been so long since I have felt that way. Anyway, came home. WH ignored me as usual.

Then this morning, he comes in and wants to talk. He found a list I had made of items he could take with him. He wanted to know why it was that our property was not divided equally. At this point I didn't care anymore, I said take what you want. Then he brought up the money I am having him pay me for child support and alimony, and wants to know how that's fair, blah blah blah. I told him all I wanted was to be able to live each month and that we will be living on the same amount of money. He just thinks I am being unfair, and I told him, "Well you made a choice now live with it."

Then he asked me what I thought about us. He said that he was sure that he wants a D, because he thinks that all I have done to change is fake. And from things that I say, I am proving him right. That I am vendictive and mean and I must want a D. What's funny is that I have not been even a quarter as mean and vendicitve as my mind has come up with. I think that holding that in is a positive improvement for me! I said that I am not angery about the last year, because I am a better person for it, and someone else will see that. I also told him that I was tired of being hurt and maybe everyone has been right for seven years. We just don't and can't make each other happy.

We talked for quite a bit longer. It was not a great conversation, but it was one of the first long talks about our R in awhile. Then of course, he starts in on wanting SF!!! I just don't get it!!! WHY!!! Is it because little Miss Skinny B!tch is not here??? I just kept my boundaries and told him over and over and over, NO. I wish I could think that way... "I know I just hurt you again and you feel like I have used you, so why not just F@@K me???" What kind of man did I marry?
Okay I'm through venting.

I just wanted to thank ya'll for trying to help me save my M, but I don't know if it is worth saving anymore. Maybe I have become a synic. I keep thinking, I will never trust him again and he doesn't want to love me, WHY AM I TRYING??? I think I can finally look at my D and tell her, "Honey, I did everything I could to make my M work, but it just wasn't right." So I think it is time for me to move on. Thanks again!

PQ

bunp...

I am still sad and can't really post much. I just wanted to read some encouragement, so shamelessly bumped this.

Please post!

SAD PQ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />