Just my 2cents
A. Does A means WS is completely rejecting the whole marital realtionship? I don't think so at all. I think that at the time of the A the WS is extremely selfish and wants the security of the marriage and the excitement of the A. They have two people wanting them at the same time. It is very uplifting when you have a low self-esteem to feel so WANTED. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> My H never once 'didn't want to be married'. He maintained that he always loved me thru the whole A.
B. Does self disclosure of A, means the marital relationship maintained till DDay and there after is "Phoney"My H never disclosed the A to me. I found out myself and was humiliated in front of all our so called friends. They all knew and did not tell me, so I really felt like a fool. Your wife should be grateful that you had the courage to tell her yourself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> My H was somewhat of a coward in that department. But however the A is disclosed I do, to some degree, feel that the marital relationship is 'phoney'. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Since that is the word your wife chose. I would not call it phoney, but it certainly is not HONEST.
Forsakeing all others means just that. Not the office girl or the crotch cricket you pick up or whoever else makes your boat float. However, after DDay, if there is true remorse and pentenance and a sincere effort to rebuild, then the marital relationship can be even better then before. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I don't believe that after DDay the marital relationship is STILL 'phoney' at all. Ours is better than before. The reason being is because you learn from your mistakes and you know what NOT to do anymore as to not cause the same thing from happening again.
C. Can a WS engage in A and still love his BS? ( after NC with OW). Absolutely. At the time they may love themselves a little more, but in my case my H always maintained that he loved me the whole time. And it went on for 15 mos. I think in the case of men, they have the ability to compartmentalize. It is easy for them to do things without thinking of others. But people in general, I believe, when they are having an A, are just plain selfish and self centered. They only think bout their needs being met and forget about everything else at the time. Their fantasy is just a small part of their entire world and when they go back to their REAL WORLD, everything is just as it was when they left it. At least thats the way it was in my case.
I hope I helped a little bit. But like I said before its only my 2 cents and my take on MY SITUATION. Everyone is different and I'm sure you'll get some other opinions from all the great marriage builders at this site.
