my children are 18 and 20. before my h left we were an extremely close family. H said he is getting own place will not pay utilities for 2 and i can stay in house with boys. before he wanted me to move out (it belongs to his parents) I am tired of his actions. I am tired of his pretending to be a caring dad when his actions speak volumes. I want to be totally honest with the children. I want to tell them that Dad said :
I am not coming back home.
I will not pay any bills for home.

Dad does:

Dad spends day with female friend instead of visiting his children. ( i am at work so he knows he will not run into me)

Dad does not call on that day but on sunday expects to be visited by children, and tells them many times he loves them.

Dad will not speak to me during the week when they are gone and if i have to call him he is nasty to me and is constantly angry with me.

Dad throws at me "Don't you think I will file for divorce" Don't you think at all about it"

I am tired of his playing the caring but i just could not live with mom dad and then acting like the devil the rest of the week.
Please send imput

Your children are 18 and 20???

Why not tell them the truth? They deserve to know, its their family being ripped apart. Sit down with them, lay out the family finances and explain to them how things are going to be.

IE, here's our income. Here's our expenses. We can no longer afford XYZ. When they say why isn't Dad contributing more? You can say the truth. Dad is not moving home again, because Dad has found someone new, and feels that he is not responsible for these items.

You don't have to do anything but tell the facts. At 18 & 20 they will be able to figure out the rest.

should i tell my husand that i will be explaining the situation before i talk to the children.

I don't see why. The kids have a right to know and withholding this information just serves to protect him.

CALL ME BIG CHICKEN. I tried to tell each of the kids the new rules their dad has laid down. I got out you d will not bring our mail to the house anymore. He gets that hurt look and tell me not to mention his dad or anything about him he does not want to hear it. He is just home for today and i want him to be happy while he is here. so I drop it. I mention to younger that we may have to econmize some (actually majorly) due since dad has decided not to pay anymore bills for us. This goes okay but he is on his way to visit his grandparents and dad so i don't share too much. But i do tell him about mail. I want to ask my kids not to accept any money from my h but how do i do this and not seem petty? I already paid the car payment, health insurance, car insurance, the credit card payment, plus i give to church every week, buy groceries. He has no expenses at his parents, no responsibilities. It must be nice.

24 years of marriage and he's decided not to pay any bills? sounds like it may be time to protect yourself. have you seen a lawyer about spousal support? after almost quarter of century of marriage, you are entitled to some help. are your kids in school? are you working, and if so, how long?