My H's aunt died friday morning. The wake is today and I just found out that Julie (OW) is going! I don't understand why she is going, but knowing her she is trying to show the family that she is going to be there for my H. I am very close with H's family and was very close with Auntie Clara. she was 78 years old, never married, and was like the matriarch of the family. I have been part of this family for 23 years and will not let Julie's presence deter me from being there! Ok...I have got that off my chest now. I can go and hold my head up high. I will be there for Auntie Clara and the rest of his family. I will not let her get to me! Ok..Venting over....thanks!

BH

So go and be a lady with a lot of class. You are right. You need to be there for you and for the family.

What a strong and amazing attitude. I am so impressed. You are amazing.
Talk about class. I don't know if I could be so brave.
Hugs and kudos to you,
Layli

Dear BH,

Sorry to hear about H's aunt. Family's are important and now OP can ever wheel their way into a family unless it is allowed.

With that, you go and be the dignified in-law to whom NO drunkin', violent and unstable OW can even come close to.

My condolences to your H's family.......for many things, including the passing of a favorite aunt.

Hugz,
L.

You go with head held high and dignity in tact!! Then come here and let out a huge long scream :-)

Bh,
Sorry to hear about your aunt. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> You are a very strong women. just wanted to let u know u will be in my prayers. Cathy

Hello BH,

I'm wondering how you are after the wake and how OW was received. Hope she was left on the outside looking in, while you were embraced as true family. My condolences to your family.

Estes

Dear BH,

I hope the wake went ok. We lose and affect so many people through this whole divorce process. You have every right to be there. She should be the one who is uncomfortable. Take Care...Pat

So bh,

How did things go? I am sure you held your head high!!! I am sorry for the loss of your Aunt in law.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi everyone! Just got back from the wake and funeral. I stayed overnight at my in-laws so I wouldn't have to drive back and forth.

Well....what a night! Julie showed up just as the wake started. She actually had the nerve to come up to me, rub my arm, and ask me if I was OK!!!!! It took every ounce of strength I had not to push her away! I held strong and just said yes and walked away. She went to every one of my in-laws and tried to hug them. Some of them hugged her and others just turned away (I have five SIL's and five BIL's. When I saw Julie hug my daughter, though, I had to leave the room. I just left for a little while, composed myself, and then returned. She stayed for almost two hours. It was torture! The wake was from 5 to 9. After the wake, I went to my M/F in laws to sleep over. About 2 in the AM, my father in law started to have chest pains and had to be rushed by ambulance to the hospital. He was OK and just made it to the funeral. Thank God he was fine and it was a reaction to his changing his medication on his own and not his heart! (he sometimes thinks he can be his own doctor!) Julie did not go to the funeral so at least I was able to grieve for Auntie Clara without the torture of Julie being around. Thank you all for your prayers and heartfelt responses!

As HFTF suggested, I am going to let out a huge scream now.....ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
that felt sooo good!
I made it through with my head held high!!
BH

What I am about to say, is politically incorrect and just not nice .. but, I don't care!!!!

Julie is a b*tch and a phoney .... and I hope her hair all falls our except for the hair on her chin, which I hope darkens and thickens and becomes like a billy goat's beard!!!!

AAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

She is a piece of work. EVIL .... all dressed up.

There... thanks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pepper,
I'll tell ya what... You have a WAY WITH WORDS!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I couldn't agree with you more!

BH,
I am so glad to hear that you were able to control yourself. You are such a lady! I know that I probably would not have been able to, especially if she touched me!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Way to go, your Auntie Clara would have been proud. I guess I just wanted to send out a big ol' hug! {{{{{{{{{{{Brokenhearted}}}}}}}}}}}}
Kudos to you!

HUGS!
PQ

LOL Pepper! You really do have a way with words!
Thanks for making me smile! You are sooooo right....she is a piece of work!!

PQ - Thanks so much for the kind words! I do appreciate it!!
BH

Hi BH
I was wondering how you were, yes I agree with Pepper she's a piece of work.
I'm so sorry about your Aunt I pray all is well with your family considering the drama.

How have you and H been getting along? mine is like a rollercoaster. H told me he wasn't committed to reconcile he didn't want a relationship not at this time maybe later.

When he talks to me it's like we are friends and nothing more, this angers me I find myself very hostile towards him.

I'm really deciding on plan B very strong he told me if, I divorce him he would never marry again whatever.

He also told me he feels I would do to him that was done to me, that's in the back of his mind. I beleive someone is putting that stuff in his head.

He often jokes with me about who my friends are, can he meet them it's like he can handle anything.
I just don't understand him he seems too show
no emeotions and get angry when I said I don't want to talk to him again.

He said he knows how I am now, so he has to watch his step. boy I need help with this one.

Enough venting I'll be checking in from time to time OK.

I post a lot on P/C it's getting hot overe there
some OW who supposely have receovered get offended when ow are called whores or bi$@hes I say if the shoe fits wear it well.LOL

Hi MALC! Thanks for checking up on me! I am doing pretty good I guess. Things w/ my H are about the same. We talk like we are friends. He tells me things about his life w/ OW that I really don't need or want to know! I just listen and say things like "oh, that's too bad" or "i know what you mean". He just doesn't seem to get it. When he tells me things about his life with her, it HURTS! I guess if I don't tell him, he will never know...right? I think sometimes I try too hard to be his friend. I guess if that is the only relationship we can have right now, I will just deal with it. If it gets to be too much to handle, I will tell him.
As for your husband, it sounds like the guilt is getting to him. If he did it to you, then you will do it to him....sometimes they really do sound so immature!! It definately sounds like someone is putting that idea into his head! Hang in there MALC....it will get better!
Thanks again!
BH

I find for me it's hard being a friend, they will talk to like a friend.

My H use to talk to me about OW until I blew up so he knows that's a sore spot for me he won't even bring up OC unless I ask.

I allow my H to emotional blackmale me, I'm going to give you an example. Today I called H we talked for a while then the door bell rang.

His brother girlfriend asked who is it then my H asked who is it. I couldn't hear who it was.
H tells me I'll call you back now mind you it's 10pm.

I asked H why do you do that, tell me I will call you back. Most of the time he doesn't
well he did call right back. I had an attitude
H tells me he doesn't have to talk to someone with an attitude.

H asked me whats was wrong? I didn't want to go into what I was feeling, because I felt whats the point. H doesn't understand what I'm feeling. Anyway I lost the call because I was on my cell phone.

So he thinks I hung up on him. I called back I was told he's gone to the store. I called his cell phone he never answered.

Now befor all this transpired we were talking about me not hearing from H in 2 yrs. H tries to justify his reason of no contact because we ended on a bad note.

The bad note was H was moving out of town, he told me he was moving with his bother. I later found out by retrieving his voice mail he was moving with OW and she was pregnant.

So of course, I would be furrious I told him what I found out, we had an heated argument so he held
the argument over my head so that was his excuse of no contact for 2yrs.

I guess he wanted me to roll out the red carpet. Buy him and OW some roses, and congradulate them both. I was hurt and angry at the same time.

I see he has a different set of rules when it comes down to me. This is something I tolerated.
I can have an attitude, or say I don't want to talk to him, and he uses that against me. H will tell me I need to think before I say something.

But what about my feelings about this whole stuation that was dumped in my lap.Was he thinking? I guess he feels I should just get over it.

I'm finding it hard to express my self, it's like I'm walking on eggshells with him, this to is something I allowed.

If it really bothers you about H talking about OW tell him, in a nice way of course. Or change the subject. Now changeing the subject would be a good idea it's getting what you want without confusion.

My H does this to me alot change the subject. I want to do a Plan B but don't want to write the letter, because I will say everything that I'm not able to say and what I'm feeling is important.

I just needed to vent haven't had the opportunity to do because all the heat on P/C forum about OC
that is painful within itself. Then you have the affair to think about to that's double jepordy.

People just don't know the choices they make how it can alter one's life forever. I will never be the same again.

You know I'm so afraid to actually love again I've been celibate for 31 months,to afraid to allow someone in. I don't want the drama. I don't know why I'm so hell bent on trying to save a marriage that I'm actually afraid to be in.

I have to ask myself whats is it about this marriage I want to hold on to, it hasn't been good for me. I still love my H very much and want to work on my marriage.

Didn't mean to hijack your post just needed to vent.

Good luck I'll keep in touch , How are your children by the way?

Wow brokenhearted, sounds like you need a hug. I'm sorry for the loss of your Aunt-in-Law. Julie probably just made herself look like an idiot. I'm shocked at her nerve. And, I'm impressed with the way you handled yourself. You deserve a pat on the back! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> I bet all eyes were on you at that moment you held back your impulses. Good for you...

Just speculating, but I wonder if your ex invited OW to come because he couldn't bear to face you, his children and his whole family all together in one setting? And she sounds so stupid like she couldn't wait for the opportunity to make a show for his family...

I was wondering how have you been? Haven't heard from you. I was wondering how are you?
I searched through these threads just looking for you.

How are your children? Keep in touch.

<small>[ January 29, 2003, 06:54 AM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>

Malc, sorry if I'm confused, but I never knew your story. Just read this post.
Your H was gone for 2 yrs? Had baby with OW?
Are you back together or trying?
For me, if mine left with OW for 2 yrs, the divorce would have started as soon as he left out the door!
Why are you still in love with this man who could do this to you and leave you for so long?
If I'm off base, forgive me, I'm only going on what I've just read here.
Not all men are jerks. So don't keep yourself hid away. There are still some good men out there!
LouLou

Hi Malc! Wow, I was surprised to see this post pop up! Thanks so much for thinking about me! We are all doing pretty well. My oldest D decided to try beauty school and is absolutely loving it! She can't wait to graduate and get a job so she can move out of my H's house. She is having such a hard time living with Julie. My son is doing great too. He is getting good grades in school and is trying to help out around here as much as he can. My middle child (daughter) is the one I am worried about right now. She is living on campus at URI and is having a lot of problems with her roommates (one of which is her best friend from high school). It has been really hard for her. Everything in her life seems to be falling apart and all I can do is hug her and tell her things will get better. She is looking into transferring next semester, so I hope that works out. She would be closer to me and may be able to live at home.

How are things with you? I never saw the last post on this thread until I opened it up today. I'm so sorry your husband does things like that to you. I will never understand why they don't realize how much it affects when they say and do these things! I hope things are better for you than they were in November. did you have a nice holiday? Well, Malc, thanks for the post and hopefully I won't miss your response! I don't post too much these days, but always look through the threads to see whats up. Take care!
BH