My W does not know anything about Plan A or Plan B. She hasn't visited this site. However, she says she has noticed the changes in me the last few weeks.

She told me today that she thought it was unhealthy to do Plan A. Specifically, she said it was unhealthy for me to keep trying to save the M, to love her and and to hang on to hope. She says she can't fill my needs and that we can't make the M work and that she is not interested.

Your thoughts are appreciated. Is this another way for her to discourage me?

Thanks.

Ha ha ha ha... sorry, had to laugh at her response.

No, that's one of the beauties of Plan A - it's coming from YOU, and there's nothing they can do to stop it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You don't need to defend your reasons for being a better person... you can simply say that you're trying to improve yourself for whoever you end up with, even. (Double-edged since they not only have to "let you" continue, but have to imagine someone else possibly benefiting! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )

So yes, she's trying to discourage you... and no, don't let her. Your Plan A is a period to negotiate an end to the A using specific behaviors. Since you can't demand or control your WW, you can work indirectly, and she has no ability to tune that out completely. If you continue, she will notice - whether she wants to or not. In many, many cases, that's the best we can hope for from Plan A, sadly.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by J.R.:
<strong>Ha ha ha ha... sorry, had to laugh at her response.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">J.R.

I haven't laughed this hard in a few days. Thanks for your reply!

The other way I can interpret this is that she's testing me. She wants to see if I am for real, after all she's skeptical about my changes.

I have told her before that I am taking an opportunity with this crisis to grow and to be a better person and that I am very confident in my ability to fulfill her needs in the future and that if she is not interested, then fulfill the needs of a future Mrs. UC.

<small>[ October 27, 2002, 09:12 PM: Message edited by: utterlyconfused ]</small>

^ bump

<small>[ October 28, 2002, 04:33 PM: Message edited by: utterlyconfused ]</small>

UC- Nothing at all wrong with being loving, kind, considerate and a great person! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Be like Jesus, it will win u many friends and make you happier.

hugs for your plan A.. no there is nothing wrong with being good to people in the face of their mistreatment of you.

It is reccomended, even plan B advises treating them good.. but ncontact unless kids or money..

hugs, HONEY U CAN DO IT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

How DARE YOU be kind and loving! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Next time she tries this ... say "Yes, you're right. Thank you my love." (reverse babble)

LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

If you are kind and loving ... it makes HER look like a fool for leaving such a kind and loving guy. KEEP IT UP! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Pep

UC,

Keep up the good work! Apparently what you are doing is making an impact, since it is making her feel guilty (or atleast that's what I hear from her response). Honey is right! Being good to people despite the way they treat us will help you to be a good person. And there is not a thing wrong with that!!!

HUGS to you!!!
PQ

UC,
Do you feel you are doing anything unhealthy?

WS often notice a good Plan A by telling the BS to stop it. Afterall, if you are being nice, making changes, being positive, hopeful, staying at the point where reconciliation is possible for you...you aren't as easy to blame for the WS's problems.

And that can't of your wife's should be a won't or doesn't want to .

<small>[ October 28, 2002, 05:00 PM: Message edited by: Lor (Lor) ]</small>