I've been running though some things in my mind and would like some input from the folks on this board.

For those that don't know my story I am a WS about to reveal an A. The A has been over for quite some time, no contact, nothing, for quite some time. The A is truly over and I would never do such a horrible thing again. The guilt is torment. And I am meeting with my paster this week to begin the process of revealing this and with God's help recovery.

I do have some questions that have been in the back of my mind for a while, and I would like an opinion.

I can remember a time that my wife asked me if I would ever forgive her if she had an affair. For those of you experienced on this board, does that sound strange? My marriage has been very rough on the both of us, I just onder if maybe she was involved or almost involved t one time.

Also, when we first began attending Church she asked me what the Bible said about divorce. I thought it an unusual question. Now she may have sensed my behavior, my A occured before we began attending Church...

I don't know, I analyze everything, I study everything I try to prepare for anything. All I know is I want my M to survive this, and anything else that life throws our way...

Much of the reason I have kept this quiet is the assumption that an A instantly means divorce, I see it all the time. Even the Bible leads one to believe it is a no brainer. I have read the Biblical posts here and now understand better, thank you!

Anyway, thoughts, suggestions?

Hi frozbat,

sorry that I am the only answering you, but I guess all the others are sleeping. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
As you have already noticed, I have been following your story and I really feel for you so please bare with me.

You are showing what it takes to make your marriage work and become a success.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do have some questions that have been in the back of my mind for a while, and I would like an opinion. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm trying to encourage you once again. Wouldn't it be wonderul if you could speak to your wife about these questions??? Wouldn't this be what you truely wish????
This is what happens when a marriage becomes open and radically honest.
Do you notice how you "affair" effects your marriage just when it comes to questions like this?

You will never be able to talk about these kinda things in a comfortable way until you have opened up.

I'm not a strong believer but I believe that when someone makes a mistake and when he learns, he is a good person.
When he regrets and shows remorse he is making up for his mistake.
If he gives "himself" the promise" to never again make the same mistake, he is a person that I can respect and forgive.

Opening up and telling something that could be kept secret is a sign of "strength".

take care
bb

Hi Frozbat. I'm following on to BB's reply with a dose of reality for you.

What you did is really devastating for you W. You need to understand that. On average, from what I've read around here, it takes about TWO YEARS to "fully" get over it or recover.

You need to know that. I'm not trying to heap guilt on you, or anything. It's just important that you not get so wrapped up in "doing the right thing" that you are blindsided by the consequences.

<small>[ October 28, 2002, 05:21 AM: Message edited by: Riff ]</small>

frozbat,

Riff said the right words. It isn't going to be easy. Your wife is going to be devasted and it will take time to recover.

D_D was 21 months ago for us. So again I agree with Riff, it does take about 2 years to get over what happened.

My H feels better than ever though, he's happy that he doesn't have to live with a lie.

I believe that if "he" would of confessed instead of me finding out I would of had less problems, but still I'm fine with our situation now.

take care
bb