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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 4 |
My H told me that the A ended. He is going to work on the M, but he refuse to talk about the A. Should I stop questioning him? Can our M work if he does not tell me the truth about A?
Some backgroung information. I found out about the A by finding OW's phone on his calling card. I confronted H, but he refuse to tell me about the A. He then leave the country on freign assignment. I then contacted OW and asked her about the A. She answered all my questions. The A lasted 3 months. I confronted H and he told me he love OW. I told H that I want a divorce, but later back out on it. We agreed to work on the M and talked every week while he is in the other country. He is coming home soon. I need advice as to how to save my M when H will not talk about A. Is H still having contact with OW? Is he going to run back to her?
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 72
Member
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Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 72 |
I am new here so take this with a pinch of salt K?
1. Create a safe environment
he is not going to talk if he feels that all he is going to get is a whole lot of screaming etc.I know how frustrating it is to try to find out anything about the A.
2. Accept that he might not remember all the details that you want.
3.Try to get marriage counselling. It helps cos none of us have as much experience.
4. There is a letter that was around the boards about why you need to know details etc. Letters might be a non-threatening way of getting your message across.
You are in a lot of pain right now. It helps knowing that you are not alone. Read "WAT's Quickstart guide for the Betrayed Spouse". I think it is on the Just found out board.
good luck and god bless.
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 661
Member
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Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 661 |
Under your circumstances being as you have not been in each other's company for a while, talking about the mechanics of the A probably don't need to be a priority when he gets home. Give him an opportunity to show you he is willing and ready to recommitt to the marriage. When he feels safe that giving you details won't make you bolt and run for the hills, he'll probably be more willing to come forth with them. Instead of trying to talk about the A, gently remind him that in order to bring closure for you, you would like to have some questions answered about the A. Gently remind him about this occasionally, not regularly. Treat him with soft loving hands unless you are ready to boot him out. Don't force yourself to give an ultimatum that you aren't ready to make good on.
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 4 |
Babysteps & Jamup- Thanks for the info. It really help calm me down.
My H is the type that thinks not talking about it is going to make the problem go away. I am scare that he will never open up about it. How do i go on like this?
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