Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 4
G
Junior Member
Junior Member
G Offline
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 4
My H told me that the A ended. He is going to work on the M, but he refuse to talk about the A. Should I stop questioning him? Can our M work if he does not tell me the truth about A?

Some backgroung information. I found out about the A by finding OW's phone on his calling card. I confronted H, but he refuse to tell me about the A. He then leave the country on freign assignment. I then contacted OW and asked her about the A. She answered all my questions. The A lasted 3 months. I confronted H and he told me he love OW. I told H that I want a divorce, but later back out on it. We agreed to work on the M and talked every week while he is in the other country. He is coming home soon. I need advice as to how to save my M when H will not talk about A. Is H still having contact with OW? Is he going to run back to her?

Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 72
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 72
I am new here so take this with a pinch of salt K?

1. Create a safe environment
he is not going to talk if he feels that all he is going to get is a whole lot of screaming etc.I know how frustrating it is to try to find out anything about the A.

2. Accept that he might not remember all the details that you want.

3.Try to get marriage counselling. It helps cos none of us have as much experience.

4. There is a letter that was around the boards about why you need to know details etc. Letters might be a non-threatening way of getting your message across.

You are in a lot of pain right now. It helps knowing that you are not alone. Read "WAT's Quickstart guide for the Betrayed Spouse". I think it is on the Just found out board.

good luck and god bless.

Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 661
J
Member
Member
J Offline
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 661
Under your circumstances being as you have not been in each other's company for a while, talking about the mechanics of the A probably don't need to be a priority when he gets home. Give him an opportunity to show you he is willing and ready to recommitt to the marriage. When he feels safe that giving you details won't make you bolt and run for the hills, he'll probably be more willing to come forth with them. Instead of trying to talk about the A, gently remind him that in order to bring closure for you, you would like to have some questions answered about the A. Gently remind him about this occasionally, not regularly. Treat him with soft loving hands unless you are ready to boot him out. Don't force yourself to give an ultimatum that you aren't ready to make good on.

Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 4
G
Junior Member
Junior Member
G Offline
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 4
Babysteps & Jamup- Thanks for the info. It really help calm me down.

My H is the type that thinks not talking about it is going to make the problem go away. I am scare that he will never open up about it. How do i go on like this?


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 656 guests, and 43 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
rossini, Michael Thomas, Vallation, smmworldpanael, lalos
72,009 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Spying husband arrested
by coooper - 06/24/25 09:19 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Benjamin Roberts - 06/24/25 01:54 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by Oren Velasquez - 06/16/25 08:26 PM
Roller Coaster Ride
by happyheart - 06/10/25 04:10 PM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,511
Members72,010
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0