Ok T -- you're doing good on the first dozen -- you need to work more on the next dozen.

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore!
2. No frequent phone calls
3. Do not point out good points in marriage
4. Do not follow him around the house
5. Do not encourage talk about the future
6. Do not ask for help from family members
7. Do not ask for reassurances
8. Do not buy gifts
9. Do not schedule dates together
10. Do not spy on spouse
11. Do not say "I Love You"
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation), be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his whereabouts, ASK NOTHING
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. show him someone he would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while)
21. Never lose your cool
22. Don't be overly enthusiastic
23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes their feelings stronger)
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil)
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel
34. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.

Lexxxy,

Now this is a list!!! A battle plan! being in the military, we are all about lists. This one is going on my wall and in my pocket as a reference. Great stuff!! Wish I had this about 6 months ago.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mortarman:
<strong>Lexxxy,

Now this is a list!!! A battle plan! being in the military, we are all about lists. This one is going on my wall and in my pocket as a reference. Great stuff!! Wish I had this about 6 months ago.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry to temporarily hijack your post Lexxxy.

Mortarman

The list that Lexxxy posted is from Michele Weiner Davis Divorce busting. Her approach is very MB oriented and super enhances plan A. Mighty good stuff, give it a try.

Thanks for the heads up Coffee Man. I actually bought that book online and had it sent to wife while I was still in Bosnia. Havent read it because she still has it...but I will get my own copy. Thanks!

Lexxxy,
Thanks for the post -- it was a great refresher for me!
You are so kind! --
You are such a strong reminder to me of the value of forgiveness! Thanks!!
Terrie -- others -- I can say that I have had major struggles with all of this stuff with my DW and all & I don't have it all figured out & everyones situation is different & there are always different dynamics that precede certain strategies, but I believe this 180 thing has helped me and helped me a lot!!
I totally encourage you to try this!!
I would say, don't fight em ... fool em!
To me, this can be corrodinated with MBer's as well as the Dobson concept of "Love Must be Tough." Change just takes time -- Change in us!! Perhaps more than we ever imagined - be patient and be kind to yourself!!
One day at a time ....

Thanks Lexxxy,

I needed to read this also. Especially #33.Thanks!!