Nduli2 - I don't think anyone is going to magically get my pt of vw if they don't already understand.. In regards to MAW, she is an endearing, kind poster.. but has lots to say about MOVING ON.. well from my perspective that is where she is at.. her h and herself.. agreed to D... My life is not there. Nothing wrong with divorce on the right occassion/ situation/ whatever,- not meaning I like it or believe in it.. it happens and I am glad it happened to me 1x.

This time that is NOT , what I want. That is what I mean.. MAW is in the moving on state of mine, I am not.. and don't have to be. Why would I want to be told to move on as if getting a D.. if that is not where i am at. What helps MAW or others, doesn't necc. apply to ME>.. OK?

IT is an ongoing argument that posters here on offense to me, don't seem to get.

I NEVER sd all the advice was bad... I just commented on some things I didn't like in regards to plan a attempts and work..t hat is btw.. WORKNG.

I have been misunderstood, as we all are often on these forums.

Sometimes it is hard to really get it, when we don't know the person in real life.. or completely understand where the person is coming from.

PERHAPS.. some TRUTH and too much VENTING.. has brought some people to think poorly of me or my h or my situation..

I APPRECIATE those of you who are trying to help me look out for myself etc... but my choice of plan a.. is not to be a doormat, not to take h's drinking.. I AM A REGULAR ALANON ATTENDEE>> AND MEMBER TOO! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am doing the best I can in this situation, you who think I should do AS YOU WOULD...

Why is it so importaant I do what you think is right?

I am tired and weary of attempting to make sense of this .. I am sorry for any offense and wish more could see what I mean...

H

yes I am divorced but let me tell you it wasn't by choice - I choose to give my children and myself a better life - I haven't quite figured out yet how to give myself a better life but I am sure that will come with time - But my children are 100% happier with me not hysterical all of the time about their father - sure days it still happens and days I am still as wacked out as ever - but Honey - just last week you were saying that your youngest was freaking because you were crying because your husband didn't want to eat a key lime pie you made him - Now is that healthy for your child??? And aren't you the one being selfish??? You want what you want - not what is best for your children now ?? and maybe not what is best for your husband now?? What is gonna happen if he gets another girlfriend - Last week you were commenting on that you were the woman in his life right now - then to someone else you were wondering if he had someone else - Don't you think you need to work on yourself - get away from th situation - give your kids a normal life for a change??? And why do you never answer my questions??? I get my information from you - and what you post??? Again I am not bashing you - but frankly I am worried about you - your husband has a drinking problem you say but you are addicted to saving this marriage - another reason why I got divorced was that my husband was not willing to fix what was wrong - and I couldn't go it alone - Now don't for one minute don't think I am happy with my life - or that I don't hope someday he becomes the man I fell in love with - but right now he is a lost cause to me - and I deserve better..... And so do you -

This is dizzying, really. There is no continued point in arguing this.

You know what, the fact of the matter here is that some people become so dependent(happens to women a lot) on a relationship that they can't see themselves without the other person. No amount of helping hands or rational talk changes that.

Maw, no direct questions are ever answered. The illusion might blow away. It needs to be protected in order to live. You know that. I'd love an explaination of all the inconsistancies but I doubt it will be forthcoming.

Is much of this a fantasy? Yes, it is. Can anyone sway that? No, you cannot. She must do what she feel driven to. It's not any of our places to insist, just keep your fingers crossed and pray for her if that is your bent. Wish her well and hope that she's being looked out for.

You said something telling in one of your posts Honey. Something about marrying your first h because you wanted a man for security and felt like it was the thing to do. You should have spent some time with yourself asking why you did it and what drives that need in you. It's probably the need driving you right now.

Oh well, just words on a screen so please don't get freaked about it. It's just hard to watch someone else struggle, human nature.

<small>[ October 31, 2002, 12:39 PM: Message edited by: Nduli2 ]</small>

I found myself reading Honey's posts and the kind suggestions she was getting from people and it was driving me crazy. Why??? Great Gads, I don't even know. But, I had to post to her....I just had to....I was compelled to post to her. This person is a stranger to me and has no bearing on my life but I kept seeing someone standing out in the rain.....getting soaking wet...getting wetter and wetter by the moment....asking advice on how to stop getting wet...people telling her....COME INSIDE!!!... and her replying with....

"But you don't understand...I WANT to stay outside!!!"

Some people just don't know when to get in out of the rain.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

As Always, JMHO
committed

<small>[ October 31, 2002, 12:53 PM: Message edited by: committedandlovingit ]</small>

Honey, back to your initial question on this thread:

How should you handle *any advice* you don't like on this board?

I believe you should (1) listen and consider any and all advice carefully (2) ask for clarification if you are not sure what the advisor is saying (3) appreciate their willingness to help (4) make your own decisions

If one MB'er specifically tells you to "D the bum", my suggestion is to take it up with that person, or ignore it. I also think you did a good thing by posing the question on this thread (you were unsure of some advice you got, and wanted to know our opinions, right?), but you didn't like the answers you got.

It is OK to disagree with people (H's, parents, co-workers, friends, MB'ers, etc), but you can make your own decisions, and you can choose how you react to their advice. You can disagree respectfully, or you can LB (angry outbursts). It's very easy (I know from LOTS of experience!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ) to blame someone else for making you feel a certain way.

I know you're in a tough situation. You have to do what you think is best. Just keep your mind open, and make rational (not emotional) decisions, k?