My H left me and our four little boys and is now living with OW. We never had any problems until she came into the picture. Lost sleep working but we always talked and had great sex. He said they only started talking and one thing led to another. Anyways I have filed for divorce he said that it would be best for now he does not know how he feels about anything. What are the chances that this A will end. OW has done this before to other couples and has been married three times already. She is six years older than my H and had two kids both in school. Ours are 5,4,18mnth and 8 mnths old. We were high school sweethearts and were very much in love. He said that the reason he left was that he got made at the whole situation and could not take it anymore. The day he left he said that he loved me and that he thought that everything with us will be ok. I know now that he was going through withdrawl from A. He has always been a good H and father up until now.When we talk and she is not around the look in his eyes are of saddness and when she is there he is cold and rude. I love him very much and want nothing more than to make our marriage work what should I do? And will their A last? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Well...the stats say that most affairs end. Can't say if the one that your H is involved in will end or if it does end it will end in time for the marriage to survive. Continue with making sure that you and your children are protected legally...but a divorce can take as long as you have anything that is not agreed upon between the two of you. So proceed on your own time schedule.

He's sending you mixed signals (not unusual) and you might want to try a plan A type of behavior...or even a plan B. Depending on what you need right now. It's sounds as if he's likely giving those same mixed signals to TOW. This may show his level of confusion and fear. Hopefully, he's scared of backing off from a bad decision...give him a safe environment to come back home....if you want him back. This doesn't mean that he can continue with his affair, but that you're willing to listen and HEAR what you both need to do to reclaim your marriage.

Check out counseling, both individual and marriage. Look over the site here and see if what it has to offer can be of benefit to your situation.

Good Luck!

I have told him mant times that I love him and that I can forgive him in time. I also have told him that I think we can work things out and have suggested counseling but he say that he does not think that it will work. He has never been into the whole counseling thing. The day that he left he kept teeling me that I did not understand which I did not until now(with drawl) he wanted time to think and not have to worry about anything problem was that he spent a week finding himself next two and half weeks great then bang he became angry said that he could not understand why he did this(talk with OW and Kiss once) I asked him to see some body for his mood changes again did not know withdawl he said that he did not want to be put on medication said that no body could help any way. I am diffently taking care of my and my children legally. He has had visitation but is not allowed to have children with OW but H has broken agreement. I am staying positive that thing will change.

26yrsold H27yrs OW33
married 7yrs
4 kids
H left 9/4/02
filed 10/4/02
high school sweethearts

They say that only 5% of A's last. Most just run their course and die.I also read that 80% of those who D during an A regret it later.
I suggest you wait it out in plan A but at the same time make sure you stand by your agreements and boundaries that you make with him.

If you can, try to really talk and listen to him.
My H left because he was angry too. He lived with OW for a year. We are working toward rebuilding our relationship now and hopefully will be back living together on Dec.1 - that's our plan.

Stay positive - and don't file for D if you don't want to. This is your life too!

HH-

I'm sorry you're having to go through this nightmare with your WS. It's just a hunch, but it sounds like you've got a good chance to work things out if you (1) take care of yourself (2) let your H know that contact with OW much stop. Good luck with all of this...

Married 7/94
WW reveals A 10/01
Separted 11/01
Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi keeps me strong

I do not want he divorce but when I went in to speak with my atoorny he had informed me that myH had come in hoping to hire them. So I did not to mention the fact that H did not even show up or call for our 4 year olds birthday That was a very sad and upset little boy he was waiting for daddy to come no smiles no cake eating. I am trying to stay positive telling him that I love him that our marriage had more ups than downs in fact noteven enough to cover one hand. He agreed. I don't know what I could have down better my parents and I put him through police academy that was his dream when he was a kid to be a cop. I waited up for him at night to see how his shift was supported him in every way, gave him space to find himself forgave him for kissing her when he told I love him unconditionally. When you love some one you learn to forgive. It is so wierd that he his nice loving his eyes sad almost crying whenhe looks at me and then if he knows that she id there or she id there if we talk on the phone its so different. Posseion wise we do not have much, children are not possions they are gifts, except his retirement check(he was fired from the sheriffs department not doing job nver there ext..)there is arestraing order on it so he can not cash it he received it Monday and my attorny told me not to agree to sign any papers giving him permission to cash it and give me half. He walked out on me and our children and has not helped out in any way I told him this he gat mad and called me ***** and hung up on me. Never asked about kids never even calls to see how we are doing Is this the FOG that everyone talks about? But she was there in fact he called from her work I am still confused at everything and hope that he will wake up and sees what he is missing his best friend, love and our children

married 7yrs together 9
me 26yrs old H 27 OW 33
4 childrenboys 5,4,18mnths,8mnths
he left 9/4/02
filed 10/4/02
high school sweathearts
still love him