I haven't posted here in a very long time (former name "stickingw/it"). So much has happened and so little has changed. I'll try to be brief since I could really use some wise words.

My H began an A about 2 years ago when we first moved to Texas. I discovered it about 14 months ago. We went to 2 traditional MCs and then Steve Harley beginning this spring. During the past 14 months WH has REPEATEDLY left OW, promised reform and then returned to lying and cheating. At Steve's suggestion and for my own sanity I moved out of the state with my 3 children at the start of the school year. After lying to me for past 2 months about continued contact with OW, WH appears to have in fact ended A (evidenced by OW freaking out, breaking into our house in TX, tearing up wedding pictures, etc.)

Although WH has truly been just about the most horrid human being on earth for the past 2 years, I am still willing to give marriage a try if the A is REALLY over and will not be started again. As per Steve's suggestion WH is writing a "plan" for getting marriage back and my trust restored. The problem is moving.

WH is a workaholic with a very high powered and high paying job. He gets huge personal satisfaction from work and making alot of money. Money is not a big deal to me (but that's easy for me to say). Steve seems to think that H must totally change lifestyle, quit his job, move here with me and become a man who works only as a means to support his family.

There is no way H will ever do this. No way. I'm not even sure I care if he does. I don't really want Ward Cleaver for a husband, my concern about moving is based soley on OW and hating the idea of ever being near her or having her near my husband again.

Have others dealt with this? How important is it that you move cities? I agree that H had no balance in his life before and during the affair and always put work first. He has made huge strides to change this already. Is it really necessary to give up a profession he loves -- won't he just resent me in the end?

Please any thoughts or similar experiences would be welcome.

I can give you my story.
My H was also a workaholic - making a good living running his own business. That is how he met OW.
He moved in with her in Feb./01 and out again in Feb. of this spring. He also was going back and forth in his decisions about her and I. I had to set strong boundaries and timelines to make any progress with him. I often thought of moving, and moved to the country for 5 months, but continued to see him so in a way I might as well have just stayed put.
H has been in withdrawl for months but is definitely improving.We are planning on living together again soon.His OW has been malicious since realizing that he's through with her and has done some damaging things to his business.

I would like to be in another city,I think that would be ideal, away from her but he is not ready to give up his business, despite the damage done and I make a good living here too.

I think it can be worked out in the same city but there needs to be very clear boundaries and consequences. I know that if my H cheats again that I will likely D him but I also know that if our communication is strong enough, this is unlikely.

Maezy -- Thanks so much for your reply. The situations sound somewhat similar. Perhaps it is premature to worry about the moving at this point anyway. You are much farther along in your reconciliation than I am. This latest drama is barely a week old.

I guess I will have to wait and see what kind of a plan WH comes up with. My biggest concern isn't moving, it's WH backslidding with OW again. I told him today that I cannot and will not drag our children into another false reconciliation. If he wants to spend time with me and the kids he needs to be certain enough of his resolve to bet his kids' happiness and mental well being on it. I wish I could predict the future, it sure would make this easier.

In the mean time as per Steve Harley's suggestion I am making an appointment with a lawyer. The move out of state has raised all sorts of jurisdictional issues. Yuck.