Well, bad news today. Found out that someone asked a friend of my H's today the outright question "is he going out with Karen?'. Karen is my H's boss...the one who he had the EA with earlier this year. The man who asked the question works for the same company as my H, but at a different location quite far away. So..obviously some strong signals have been sent out and/or seen if this has now made it to another location.

Looks like my greatest fear has been confirmed. My H is still involved with his boss. And, most likely a PA now. And, she is married, with 2 small children.

And, she knew how I was devastated in February, when the original EA info came out, and I saw her in September and asked her if she had anything to do with my H leaving me. She said no of course and then asked how our kids were dealing with it. I told her our kids were devastated and having a hard time.

So..obviously if she was/is having the PA with my H, that info didn't affect her in the least. Just makes me feel sick. How can people do this to their families?

Kimmy,
I am sorry this is still going on, but it does explain your H's detached behavior. He is still deep in a fog because contact has continued. Have you considered contacting her H and possibly her boss to let them know this is going on? That would definately put severe pressure on them to end the affair.

<small>[ November 12, 2002, 06:59 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

I've definitely thought about it. I've thought of nothing else all day. But..the problem is, I also work at the same company they do..but a different location. So..if I start something at work, it could spread and I just don't think I could deal with it. It's hard enough working at the same place and never really 'getting away' from the situation as my H is well known and I even get some of his e-mails by mistake.

And, I don't want my H to lose his job as we need the financial security as he earns the bigger paycheque.

Re contacting the husband. I want to, but don't know what to do. They have 2 small girls..not even school age yet. Do I ruin another family?!! I just don't know yet.

I just got home from hockey practice. My H is one of the coaches and I couldn't even look at him. I just felt sick and couldn't bear the thought of looking at his face.

Kimmy,

I can understand why you wouldn't want to tell your H's bosses, but I still think you should consider telling the OW's H. You won't ruin his life by telling him, you will help him protect himself andhis children from someone who IS ruining it. It is being ruined behind his back NOW by his deceitful wife. He desperately needs to be warned so that he can take steps to protect himself and his children.

I look at it like this. If I knew someone was embezzling money from my neighbor, would I tell him so he could protect himself or would I withhold this damaging info becasue I didn't want to "ruin" or disrupt his life? It's not the TELLING that would ruin his life, but the embezzlement

Not only would it be the right thing to do, but it would put great pressure on the affair from that end. As Harley said, the BS should do everything to end the affair.

<small>[ November 12, 2002, 09:25 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

What you say makes sense, but remember..I haven't any physical evidence..only all these rumours, my gut feeling and this blunt question that that guy was asked about my H. So..I suppose my mind can't justify calling the H unless I have proof. I need to think about it more and see if I can get more assurance. And then yes, I will call him.

I can only send you a hug Kimmy. It is hard to hear about these EA/PA and the work situation is similar to mine in that I can't get away from this/I work closely with WH's organization and the OW.

The EA/PA does explain some of his behavior though. I am so sorry to hear about this.

Can you go get some kind of exercise? I find if I go for a run or at least a fast walk that it lets me get out some of the pent of energy of knowing about these kinds of things and helps me let go temporarily and calm down.

OK Kimmy. I had to reread the question post. I have a few of my own. What was your husband's response to the blunt question? What was the friends rebuttle?

This whole thing will soon be coming down on him. It is impossible to continue the lie indefinitely. As you said, people sense things. If your husband loses his job it will be his own doing. This whole fantasy world will shatter soon enough. It is terrible to go through. We are all with you.

On the positive side-I know there may not seem like one-but now we know some things first of all...When this affair ends and believe me it will end the magic spell vanish he has been under will vanish. This affair will never work. Second he isolates himself from you in an effort to not feel the guilt that accompanies this bad behavior...not because he so despises you but because his conscience aches. He may deny it but that is what it is. Every nice thing you do for him only makes his guilt worse. Hence Plan A.

You must still concentrate on yourself and your children. Even without proof it is clear. Also take plenty of time deciding what to do in terms of telling the other family. You are responsible to yourself and your children first.

continuing prayers

ayslyne

I know what you have meant, I've often used the example of if my H could take an eraser and erase me out of the family pictures and insert the OW, the "love of his life", then things could go on wonderfully for him. What about the years I spent putting him through school, raising his kids, moving 9 times for his mobily upward career?? Throw away is a good scenario. But you are NO throw away - none of us are. You are worthy of love, and respect and so much more. Don't let him play mind games with you. Stand strong. All he has are words. You have the conviction of your heart. It may not mean much to him now, but your words will come back to him when he least expects it.

Hi Kimmy....are you still posting on this thread, or have you started another one somewhere that i am not aware of, just i have been checking here and havent seen a post from you since Wednesday. I was thinking about you and was wondering if you are OK.....A/C0810