New to this so bare with me...

Last year my husband and I split up in August. I left because I made myself believe that I was unhappy there. I was also having an affair. I didn't leave my husband for this other man but that's how it ended up looking. We got divorced in Dec. I broke up with the other man because I missed my family (we have a son together). I moved back in Jan '02. I still had feelings for the other man and I told my husband about those feelings and that I'm sure they would subside in the future. This was in Feb. '02. He told me that I should look for another place to live.(which I understood because if the roles were different I would have done the same) So I left. Since then we haven't gotten along real well because of the custody situation. We lived in the same town and he wouldn't let me see our son hardly at all. So I filed for custody and we were beginning a long and sure to be nasty situation. To add to the situation I started seeing the same guy again in Feb '02. We were pretty serious, he asked me to marry him and I said yes but I gave the ring back a month later because I knew it wouldn't work out. We broke up again and for the final time two weeks ago. Since then my exhusband and myself are seeing each other again. We are trying to take things slow this time and me not move right back in. (to make sure this is really what we want) But.. we're not too good at the slow thing and are already talking about getting remarried in Dec. of this year. I know it will work out this time and I know it will take time for everything to be normal again. We live in a small and very judgemental town and I know that will add to the struggle of making it work. Any advice?

Hi NewBeginning

I would suggest reading everything you can on this website, including the book His Needs, Her Needs. There are emotional needs questionaires that can help you determine your top EN's. The key will be to find out what was lacking in your marriage that created the conditions that led to your affair. There will also be an enormous healing process for your H to go through. You will have to rebuild trust with him. Counseling would probably also be a good idea.

Anyway, welcome to Marriage Builders. It sounds like you are on the right track. I should warn you that we have another member with your name so there may be some confusion.