Good day today. I had my first physical exam with my doctor today and it went real well. Finally, something good in my life!

Then I called my W to speak with my son to see how his Halloween went. First Halloween I'm not with him. He was already asleep because he had a long day and was tired, so it gave my W and I an opportunity to talk.

We spoke for about 40 minutes and it was the most pleasant talk we've had in months. She told me, in detail, how my son's day went. He dressed up as a ghost, that's what he wanted. She asked me how my physical exam went. Also asked me if I had told our doctor of the separation and what I told him. I was totally honest with her and told her everything I told him.

I was able to do Plan A and told her to do something for our son that I've always disagreed with, but I've always respected her wish and so today I encouraged her to do it.

One of her complaints has been my lack of affection especially public displays of affection and not telling her enough times that I love her and that she's beautiful. A few days ago I told my son that his mom is beautiful, he said "yes, I know" and told his mom what I said. I was able to hear his mom when she told him, "wait until he sees me because I've gain some weight." So today I told her that I meant it and that I've always thought it (although not said it enough) and that even if she was overweight, to me she is a beautiful woman in all respects. So, she told me "wait until you see me. I am not taking care of myself so I've gained a few pounds." I told her that didn't matter.

Anyway, I am traveling to TX next weekend and I will see them then.

Thanks for reading.

Whippit, is it possible I'm finally learning? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Right on, brutha. You choked me up!

Utterly Confused: 40 minutes! That's an amazing length of time to talk on the phone to anyone! Good for you. Keep strong and calm! This must make you feel good.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whippit:
<strong>Right on, brutha. You choked me up!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I choked you up? You cracked me up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ November 02, 2002, 10:21 AM: Message edited by: utterlyconfused ]</small>

I finally spoke with my S tonight. Broke my heart because he thought I was arriving in two days. I told him it was next Friday, in 7 days. He then told me he dreamt of me last night that I had gone to see him <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . He and I had a wonderful conversation.

I also spoke briefly to my W. She said she received the letter my lawyer sent her lawyer where we agreed we both were going to work out the details of the custody without the lawyers fighting. She asked me when we could talk about it and I answered that as I told her a couple of weeks ago, I can take a couple of hours next weekend while I'm there. She tells me she can't wait that long, so I told her I wasn't ready to talk about it. Her tone of voice changed and then she asked what I meant by that and I answered that I need to sit down and think about it and decide what I want. After this there was this awkward silence and it didn't feel right to me because even though what I told her was true, her tone of voice made me wonder if I had just committed an LB.

I'd like your advice on whether this boundary that I drew was an LB or not. The more generic question is how do you know a boundary you set yourself is also an LB and how would you say it so that it doesn't sound like an LB?

<small>[ November 01, 2002, 09:26 PM: Message edited by: utterlyconfused ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by utterlyconfused:
<strong>I'd like your advice on whether this boundary that I drew was an LB or not. The more generic question is how do you know a boundary you set yourself is also an LB and how would you say it so that it doesn't sound like an LB?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let me give my 2¢. As we all know WS set the boundry not BS. So you have to be a salesman to WS !. Beside standard 5 no LB'ed, make sure that WS understand that your intention is not 'cause by WS but 'cause of you. Talk the fog !. My ATF (all time favorite) is "I love you but I hate your actions". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Remember oxymoron ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I gave very lame excuse and my WW takes it anyway -rh-

<small>[ November 01, 2002, 10:32 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Another couple of phone calls today and no LB's from me. She was worried about something and I told her that I am here for her if she ever feels this way. This is the only way I can fill her EN's at a distance from the telephone.

I'm still on Plan A, as you know, and I will be visiting my son next weekend. I have made it a tradition to bring my son something when I go away on a trip (several times per year). I already have something for him. What I have been debating is whether to take my W a "little something" or not. I am not doing nor do I want to do what another member in this forum is doing. What are your thoughts on this?

Utterlyconfused: Did you bring her something when you went away before? If you did, then if you're still Plan A'ing, then I'd take her something too. That will show that she's still your wife in your eyes. Just my opinion. Mind you, anything I've done so far re my H hasn't worked out, so I'm not sure if I'm the best to give advice.

My W is finally beginning to see the effect this separation is having on our S. This does not mean she's reconsidering our M situation. Last night I called her and said I wanted to talk to her because I was concerned about the way my son reacts on the phone when he talks to me. She said he was fine but that she was starting to notice changes in him. I have told her about this for weeks and now she begins to see it. Granted, I have noticed lately it has been more intense.

She sounded worried. I asked her how she was feeling, she kept quiet so then I said "you must be going through a hard time yourself trying to make all these decisions." She said yes. I then reminded her that anytime she wants to speak with me I am here for her. Her voice broke down a little bit and said "thank you."

We spoke a little about my trip this weekend. I told her I would like to invite her out for breakfast Friday while our S is in school. She said she wasn't sure. I said that was fine that I was totally cool either way. She reminded me that we still had to talk and that we should take advantage of our S being in school. I am pretty certain she wants to talk about the child custody issue.

So, now the ball is on her court. I told her I would help and support her if she comes back to the midwest in addition to the child support. She knows I am willing to do this until she finds a job. It is just breaking my heart to know our S is going through pain. On the one hand I feel really torn that he misses me so much, on the other hand, it makes me feel good because it proves he loves and misses me. See, after finding out about my W's EA I've been feeling rejected so when my S shows he does, it makes me feel better. Deep inside I know he does and I wish he wouldn't have to go through all this, but I don't have any control if his mom is doing all this.

I keep praying that she continues to open her eyes. I am thankful to God that at least she's beginning to see the damage to our S.

Thanks for reading.

<small>[ November 04, 2002, 05:19 PM: Message edited by: utterlyconfused ]</small>