Hello, I am in desperate need of some guidance or input or advice..A little over a year ago, I discovered my H was cheating on me. I was, at the time, pregnant with our fourth child. The OW is a co-worker of his, and she was also married. I say was because she has now gotten a divorce. About six months ago my H confessed to the affair, and says he wants to put the family back together (why don't they ever think about that BEFORE they cheat???). There are four children involved, and I am having a hard time just walking away. Things were bad in the relationship and we had discussed separation even while I was pregnant. He, however, never left, but did have the affair. My problem is this..even as we try to put things back together, he refuses counseling, he is still working with this woman. She has gotten a divorce and is, I believe, waiting for him. He says taht he is not going to leave his job and that I just have to get over it. Things have gotten better, but he travels a lot and she is part of the team that travels. How do I tell him how this hurts me? Each time I have tried he tells me to get over it. Either I trust him or I don't. How do I get him to understand how my insecurities lie with knowing there is another woman waiting for him. He says he does not understand this and that I am just looking for problems. Here is a woman that persued him knowing I was pregnant and that we had three other children, but I am supposed to think that it is just over because he has said that it is. I don't know that he has gone to her and said that he chose the family. I think that he probably just says nothing hoping it will all go away. I am having a hard time every Monday as he goes to wrk and I know that she will be there. Or, even worse when he is on a trip and I know she is with him. When we married he prclaimed to be a christian and he has changed so much. Is this who he is, and the whole Christian thing was a show? How does a man who proclaims to be a christian cheat while his wife is pregnant?? If he is truly that miserable, why didn't he leave? Why didn't he go to a pastor instead of HER? I don't know how to get past her, when she is still THERE. Please help. I want my Godly home back.

Thank you. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hi Want2heal,
Welcome to MB. There are lots of resources here, have you read the articles, Q&As, etc.?? I'm going to let someone else comment on your trust issues and your H working with the OW (since that's not something I've had to go through).

Counseling might help YOU, even if your H doesn't go. You might want to consider it.

However, I will comment on your last few sentences. My husband was a leader in our church for years, then slowly became distant to God. I never realized how distant until the affair. Our pastor talked to him, sometimes heatedly, but to no avail. He had opened himself up to deception and lies from "the enemy" and all I can do now is pray his eyes will once again be opened to the truth. It was a conscious decision that he made, both to have an A and to turn his back on the foundation of Christian/Biblical beliefs (the strength of which was a major reason I married him in the first place). You may not know if the "whole Christian thing was a show" until we all stand before God. Only He can judge a man's heart, right? I'll remember to pray for you on Mondays. Hopefully someone else will comment on this thread who has been through what you are.