What exactly is recovery and how do you get there?

Thanks!

There's probably an official definition, but this is how I think of it as an MB oldtimer with 2 1/2 years of recovery.

Recovery is when the affair is over, little or no contact between OP & WS, no contact is preferable. WS is living in the home, remorseful, being accountable, trustworthy, loving, doing their part to restore the marriage, help the BS, going to counseling if asked to.

The BS is working on forgiveness, working through the grief, also being loving.

The MB 4 rules of successful marriage, including Policy of Joint Agreement (POJA) are being followed.

Getting there is a more difficult question to answer, as individual situations vary so much...but for the WS it is ending the affair and wanting the marriage. If the affair has been ongoing after discovery, the BS generally does Plan A for several months whether separated from the WS or not, followed by Plan B if the affair doesn't end. After Plan B is begun, either the WS wants to come back to the marriage or the divorcing process goes on.