ok plan A really sucks. and my bank is in the negative balance right now. ok i feel like i can't make up my mind, RH has given me advice and i just can't seem to get it together. Now about last night. we (H and i and two kids0 go out to eat and go trick or treating a little boring because h is really ready to go out to a drinking party afterwards. I don't lb, infact i made him a package, some snacks, gatoraide, and aleve. He ask me repeatedly if i am going to be mad if he spends the night, i said no just call. He calls and says he is coming home in a hour 1:30 2:30, i call are you ok, says we will be home in a hour 3:30, i call he says will be home in a hour, you know how last beers are, (and i do) I don't call again. at 6:30 this morning, i go tofind him, thinking maybe wreck, in a ditch, ect. can't find him. house where he is is locked. I AM PISSED OFF. leave him a nasty voice message. its 10:00 he just called, Im sorry i passed out, don't know where Jim, (Designated driver that was supposed to bring him home) is, are you mad, i said hell yes i am mad, all you had to to is say, i am spending the night, over, done, but no you let me worry for nothing, I HOPE HE PUCKES FOR HOURS. I am so tired of being walked on. I know i should kick him out. he is such a child. Ok i vented, im still going to tell him off, lb or not this is not ok. for all you patient people out there. i know im asking for everything i get by not setting boundaries. why the heck is it so hard. I guess my day will look up from here. At least im not planning a funeral.

notgoingtodothis - I just wanted to let you know been there done that - and I can sympathize - my husband well ex now - will never grow up - some boys just never change - the party with friends and the drinking always seem to take top priority - but you are a better person than me because I would never deal with the sleeping over - but it is really a huge bummer to sit up all night worrying - you don't sleep - then you are hugely cranky the next day - but you are mad but you are also glad they are alive - I just wanted to let you know that I can relate.... Good Luck... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks M64 - it seems like i just keep giving more and more. What is scary is that my son will be 10 on the 10th and even my H, wouldn't allow this behavior from him. Heck my son can't even do kid things like be loud or irresponsible without huffing from my H. Wonder who is more grown up. I would put my money on my son EVERY AND ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. I wish is could just quit this whole situation without it hurting my kids me or my H. I think we would have been better off never even beginning this insane relationship. except i did get two of the best, and greatest kids in the world, which is why everyday i try to keep it together. thanks for listening. S

hmmm...well, Plan A is VERY hard to accomplish as outlined. I take my hat off to anyone who is able to stick with it in the face of a WS who is being a "butt". While I see the value of it, I also see where it can cause a lot of damage to the spouse who is practicing it when the WS is not doing anything in which to be praised.

Personally, I could never have done a plan A if my H had continued the affair. I do think it's a fantastic plan when rebuilding with both partners giving it a go. And it keeps you focus on those positive issues while continuing to work on the ones which need improvement.

I do know that even SH says that a plan A should only be done as long as it doesn't destroy the love you have for your spouse. There are limits as to what you should accept...and it's up to you to set your own boundaries...just make sure that you are willing to live within them and make them clear to your spouse. Then it's up to the spouse to either choose to live within them or to make other living arrangements. jmho