OK, here goes...my husband and I have been married for almost 9 years. We got married young (24) after having dated for 6 years. We initially had a long distance relationship being that I went away to college, but things worked out great (or so I thought).

After about a year of marriage my husband told me that he wasn't sure if he loved me. I thought it was him being immature or maybe wondering if he had made the right choice being that we were so young and most of (if not all) of our friend were single. That kind of got resolved (or buried, as he now puts it) and we moved on. We've had a great life together thus far and almost two years ago, we moved abroad (a dream we both shared) with our infant son. Since our arrival we had another baby who is now one. I, due to being pregnant when we arrived, didn't continue working and am now looking for a job. My husban works A LOT and travels even more. Currently he is on assignment in a different city from where we live.

When we first arrived to the country where we live, I had a very hard time adjusting. Part of it was due to missing my family and friends, part of it due to getting accustomed to a new life both in a new country and as a stay-at-home mom...something I wasn't used to. My husband and I have always had very good jobs and successful careers.

Seven months agao, my husband told me tht he was unhappy and not "in love" with me anymore. I never, ever invisioned this happening to us and am now living my worst nightmare. He has been my only love. Now he is asking me for a legal separation and I am devastated. As certain as he says he is, I know he stil has doubts if what he's doing is what he really wants. He tells me that he does love me, but isn't in love with me. He tells me he'll always care about me and wants to be my firend. He refuses to see a counselor (although we did go to a psychiatrist for two sessions and he said that didn't help us).

Can anyone out there help me save the love of my life and my marriage??? We need help desperately, but I know we both must want it. What can I do? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Well those are the exact same words my H of 15 yrs said to me when he was having an affair with a single coworker. I NEVER thought he was capable of that believe me.I had to drag it out of him the HARD way and by the time I found out he was so involved with her that our marriage was almost beyond repair. Telling you that he isn't in love with you anymore is CLASSIC when an H is having an affair.They start saying they are unhappy and find fault with you to justify in their heads why they are having an affair. They compartmentalize their affair and try to separate it from the other parts of their life. Suddenly nothing you do is right anymore. This is very typical behavior in wandering spouses.( along with the potential for an affair by his working long hrs at a stressful job and travelling so much and you tied down with two little ones!) I suggest you read Willard Harley's book Surviving an Affair- it talks about the entire course of affairs and what to do if you discover your H is in one. There is lots of help and support here for you if this turns out to be the case. Take care- lifeismessy

I hate to say it, but I have to agree with Life. It definately sounds like he could be straying. You could also read "His Needs, Her Needs" by Harley. If he is not having an A, then this book will help you figure out how and what emotional needs to meet for him. Good luck! I hope I am wrong about the A!

HUGS!!!
PQ

We all hope that there is no A. I have to tell you though, that everything that your H has said was and is being said by my Wife. I have heard the I'm not "in love" with you. She brought up everything I have ever done in the last 14 years together. I think she actually told me about not taking out the garbage and she had to do it herself. If memory serves me, that happened about 3 years ago! I am really sorry for any pain you have right now. But, I have to be honest with you. Your husband is showing all the signs of someone who is having or contemplating an A. I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but you also posted on an Infidelty thread, so I have a feeling your womanly intution is telling you something already.
We all here hope and pray that that is not the case.
Please keep posting, there are many here that can help you.
Stay strong and take care of yourself and your precious little ones first.

HW

The three responses I've had to my initial post have suggested my H is having an A. I have a hard time believing that becasue I know my husband and the type of man that he is. He actualy told me this week during lunch out with him (which he invited me to) that two of his very good friends (and he told me who they are) suggested to him to have an affair! He said that he told them, "How would that solve anything"? And that he followed up by saying, "I wouldn't even know how to have an affair if I wanted to...I'd probably meet someone and they'd become my best friend"! That's how my husband is and I truly believe him. I've asked him a few times since this problem has been going on amongst us whether there was spomeone else, and he has always denied it. I' hope that I don't come off as naive, but I truly believe him. I will ask him again, though, since those of you who have responded seem to be convinced that he is. Please keep writing back with feedback and advice...I really appreciate it!

Yep...I also heard those words. My H had an EA with his boss in February, and he told me she was her best friend and it progressed from there. Up until then I thought I was his best friend. I'm not sure if it progressed to a PA, but I'm pretty sure that as they still work together it's still an EA at least.

I also thought my H incapable of ever doing anything like that. I thought I was the luckiest woman alive and he was the nicest man ..everyone thought that. I treated him like a king and was devastated when the EA happened and then when he left in July.

He also, like 'happinesswithin' brought up every single thing I'd ever done in our 14 year marriage. To listen to him you'd think he'd never had a happy moment all that time.

It doesn't sound good. I'm really sorry to say.
If he still lives with you..work hard if you want to save your marriage. I never had that opportunity and wish I had. Definitely do Plan A.
Keep posting.