I hear/read B/S say things about red flags they either saw or ignored. What are these red flags? I know they will be different for everyone but I am interested in what they were your marriage?

My WS had a very distracted attitude when he was with me and seemed to be anxious to go home [he had an internet addiction and we were engaged at this time]. I also saw emails from other women on his computer but thought they were harmless internet friendships.

The biggest shock to me now is how pathetic my judgement was back then and the lies I used to tell myself to convince myself that everything was OK. I have never deluded myself so badly in my life as I did then. I normally have exceptional judgement and am guided by my logic, rather than my emotions. My judgement was very impaired at that time because of tragedies in my life that year.

Acme ,

Red Flags for me were:

-my H worked longer
-he was out on his own alot
-he left in the mornings without saying good bye
-he showered in the mornings (he always showered in the evening)
-he stopped walking with me in the evenings
-he was chewing gum and wanted to stop smoking
-he brought home little things and told me he had bought them (he never does this)
-he had a "garlic" breath and I didn't cook anything with garlic
- we had just met a new couple and he wanted to spend alot of time together with them (this was OW)
-OW behaved strange and he didn't critisize her behaviour when we were alone (this was very strange, she was behaving very strange and odd??????)
-he shared "OUR" hobby with OW. Ithought that this was strange but I didn't react!!!
-OW was very quiet when I was alone with her
-my H acted like he was "paralized" when he saw OW
-my H started to dress very "extravagant" when we were going out with this couple we had met (he's normally a jeans guy)
-my H didn't buy me something personal for XMAS. Only a CD my daughter had picked out.
-My H was constantly feeling sick
-my H was very tired and he slept right away when we went to bed
-when we did have sex, my H didn't ejaculate, he told me it was becasue we didn't have much sex and he was outta practice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
-my H didn't laugh anymore
-he didn't hug me nor did he give me a kiss anymore
-he avoided eyecontact
-he cleaned his car every week (he never does that)
-he left the house earlier in the mornings

gosh, I could keep going on. I'm just thinking: WAS I BLIND!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I found out because I looked at his handy bill and I saw that one number had been called much too often and I confronted him.

bb

Thanks for the replies, BB I found my H out via his cell phone bill. I feel like I sill don't know the whole truth, the reason for my question.

I didn't miss many red flags, but then again, affair was with a friend I trusted about as much as I trusted my H and was very limited. Oh well! But, red flags are those times when if someone besides a person you trusted said/did something it would make you feel a little uncomfortable. Coming home late, a story which doesn't quite hold together, switching computer screens when you happen by, being not quite available when you expect it. etc.

Cell phones and computers...the ease of affairs...and also one of the weakest links for keeping them hidden. It's amazing how many affairs are now outed because of the dependence on these two items for contact between the affair parties.

Good Luck on your healing path!

<small>[ November 02, 2002, 03:18 PM: Message edited by: just a wifey 2002 ]</small>

This post was an eye opener. I counted about 15 things my WW did/does. Not always at the same time, but done nonetheless.

Bump for Red Flag info. Whipit's link is HUGE and interesting.

Where is he, anyway?