The three responses I've had to my initial post have suggested my H is having an A. I have a hard time believing that becasue I know my husband and the type of man that he is. He actualy told me this week during lunch out with him (which he invited me to) that two of his very good friends (and he told me who they are) suggested to him to have an affair! He said that he told them, "How would that solve anything"? And that he followed up by saying, "I wouldn't even know how to have an affair if I wanted to...I'd probably meet someone and they'd become my best friend"! That's how my husband is and I truly believe him. I've asked him a few times since this problem has been going on amongst us whether there was spomeone else, and he has always denied it. I' hope that I don't come off as naive, but I truly believe him. I will ask him again, though, since those of you who have responded seem to be convinced that he is. Please keep writing back with feedback and advice...I really appreciate it!

In the movie "The Shawshank Redemption" there's a joke amongst the prisoners where one character will ask another if he's guilty. And each time the reply is "no." MB is much the same. Almost all of us at some point chose not to believe that our spouse/SO was or is having an affair. What your husband is saying sounds like what so many of us have heard from our spouses (click here to read). If you've done any exploration and reading here at the site, we say that, during the affair, our wayward spouse is "in the fog." We BSes have our own fog, too. It's that period when we refuse to believe that our spouse could ever possibly betray us.

I, too, hope that you are correct and that all of us doubters are wrong. Take some time to poke around the whole site and read EVERYTHING ... even if you don't think it applies to you. I found this page to be especially helpful. Best of luck ... you're among friends who understand.

I hope your correct. Most problems in a marriage are not from a spouse having an affair...that's a fact. We can have loads of issues where betrayals never enter into them. However, when a betrayal has happened, it isn't the first possible reason for the "new" problems we look for...it's the last. Most of us had faith in our spouses, we trusted them, we actually did know them...but something changed...something they didn't inform us about. So we get blindsided. It's good that you are keeping your eyes open to all possibilities.

The fact that you are here, says that there have been "something" in which you find uncomfortable. Rather it is affair related or not...know that these wonderful people will support you through whatever you are dealing with.

Good Luck!

ilovehimso

My husband is a stanch Orthodox Catholic who would never cheat on his wife. We have been married a little over two years. The enter time I’ve known him, any time we have discussed affairs he said they were wrong that he’d never have one. When I told him of all my ex-h’s affairs he professed disgust. He was faithful to his ex-wife for 14 years. She left him for her OM after a string of affairs.

During the 9th month of this marriage I found out that this good Catholic man who promised to never hurt me had been having affairs the entire time he’d known me. ON the day I found out he had 10 women on the string who he met on the internet.

I’m not telling you to not trust your husband. What I am telling you is that even a ‘good’ person can have an affair. And they will tell you anything to make you believe otherwise. They will profess their innocence and their horror at others having affairs. But they will do it all the same.

I hope you are right that your husband is not having an affair. But usually the BS knows about the affair, long before it is discovered. It’s a nagging feeling that something is just not right.

ilovehimso,

I just wanted to ask you one question. What is your gut telling you???? I think that our gut feeling gives us the most reliable answer. It's just a matter of trusting it .

take care
bb

ilovehimso
zorweb gives a fine example of how good people can be at painting a completely different picture. Not always is it the case of what you see is what you get.
My FWH also used to make me believe that I was barking up the wrong tree. Made me think I was going crazy and played the victim well when I thought there was something going on. My head would tell me, no he would never. My gut was telling me, yes something is going on.
I have learned that the truth comes out sooner or later ....... what goes around comes around.
I wish you all the best and I hope for your sake that the truth is being spoken.