BryanP,

I started a post looking for BSs who originally told their FWS from d-day that they were done with the marriage and wanted a divorce and separation started immediately. I guess I was looking for people who originally felt that way, and then later changed their mind (and decided to work to save their M), so I could perhaps get some insight into why they changed their mind.

TMCM told me that you fit this description. If that's true, what made the change for you, and caused you to decide to forgive your FWS and try to save your M?

Here's the original thread:
"A bizarre question about BSs"

I am eager to hear from you!

Jen

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TMCM told me that you fit this description. If that's true, what made the change for you, and caused you to decide to forgive your FWS and try to save your M?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Jen, my understanding is that BryanP divorced his WW, he did not forgive her and try to save the M. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.

Ah well, then I guess my question should to BryanP should be: "Why did you decided that it was over and that forgiveness was not an option?" I'm still interested in finding out an answer to that one. That, and why did BryanP come to MB if he didn't want to save his marriage?

Thanks again TMCM.

For that matter, has anyone seen BryanP posting latetly? Perhaps he's done with this place since he's decided to end things with his WW.

Jen

Hello Jen,

I have been following your post and my situation was totally different from your situation. If my ex-wife had shown true remorse and was willing to rebuild like you have shown then I probably would not have divorced her or at least tried. In my situation she fell for the OM (who she claimed was gay)and moved away with him to another state (we had no children) so I guess the big joke was on me.
It is ironic that I had wished for the day she would feel the pain she caused me and it happened years later in my office. I am a university professor and I was with my girlfriend at the time when the phone rang and it was my ex-wife who I had not talked to for many years. She called to tell me that this man left her for someone else and she was heartbroken and started crying. I cannot tell you how long I wished for this to happen. The strange thing was that I was not happy at all and I actually give her a pep talk and then we ended our conversation. I realized what an amazing waste of energy it was to live for revenge because when I got it I did not want it and it felt hollow.
The reason I am on this board is two-fold. First, I counsel many university students in addition to teaching in my field of International Terrorism and second; I am planning on an engagement soon. I do not wish to make the same mistakes as I did in my first marriage. I believe that knowledge is power.
I hope I answered some of your questions. I am somewhat surprised at the attitude of your husband. I know that he somewhat encouraged your affair (especially the second encounter) and it is strange. I really think that you have done all you could have done to show him your remorse which seems very sincere. If he wishes to forgive you then he will or he will not. He should not control your life and your destiny.
It is his loss and you know in your heart you tried everything so you must be prepared to let it go if it comes to that and think about your next great adventure in your life that you will have with or without him. I wish you the best of luck Jen.

BryanP

Thanks for replying BryanP. Even though your situation is very different from mine, I find your words helpful, and even encouraging. You did answer my questions.

I guess my big challenge is making my remorse and desire to save this marriage as clear to my H as I have to people on MB.

Earlier today I was feeling confident and in control, now after being out at a movie about a wedding(Big Fat Greek Wedding - yes it was funny), I am right back at square one, lonely as ever and working hard to fight the tears. Just when I think I can take whatever comes my way, all I want is to have my husband and my marriage back.

Okay, enough self-pity, I got myself here. I will simply have to continue to try everything in my power to persuade my H to give our M another chance.

Thanks again for sharing your story BryanP.

Jen