This idea of leaving my H completely alone is driving me insane. I want so badly to call him. History for those who don't know. H and I had a falling out 9 days ago. The following evening I found emails from a woman that works at the office of the company H works for. H doesn't work near the office. Anyway, I emailed the OW and phoned her threatening to contact her H. She said nothing had happened between them and wasn't ever going to and that they were just confiding in one another. H got mad at me for sending the email and calling her. He says I'm trying to control him. He left.

He came back two days later and talked with me and said he didn't see any hope in our marriage, but that he still loved me, etc. etc. My previous posts have told most of the story.

Anyway, am I making the right choice here? I feel like I'm going to fall apart if I don't contact him. I had a feeling he would show up at our home this weekend if only to get some more of his things, but he hasn't and it's really bothering me.

How long can this last? How long should I allow no contact to last before I contact him? I'm hurt and confused. I've read a lot of info on this site, but I'm still confused and need some strength.

ferbie...Hang tough!!! Do NOT going running after him. Give him the space right now. You're doing the right thing. jmho I know it isn't easy..but he does know exactly where you are...let him come to you!

It's so difficulty though. I don't know why he hasn't contacted me. He says he's stopped communicating with this married woman and I have to believe in that, but how can he just stay away from me, his step-kids who adore him and the house we've made into a home.

I don't know how long I can hold out in doing this. I want so badly to call him. It's like I'm going crazy. But, I know that I shouldn't and that God is with me and keeping me strong.

Can I ask though.....why does giving them space work. How does it work? I've read the info., but comprehending things right now is very hard for me. How is it that keeping my away from him is going to make him want me more?

Well...for one...he's asked for it. Rather you understand it or not, it's what he thinks he wants. So give it to him. It's likely that it isn't what he truly wants, but he'll only discover this fact if you're not there meeting those EN he has. Sometimes we have to not have something we've gotten used to, to realize just how important it is. Too often we just downplay how important it is to have someone we can count on and THINK we know how they will react. You're not reacting as he expects...he's got to be wondering just as hard as you are as to what is going on in your mind. At the moment...that's not a bad thing.

Is there an average time frame that you see the H or W that has left the marriage return when this approach is taken? I know it's not a guarantee that they will return, but is there amount of time that is somewhat average if they do? I mean, am I looking at weeks of this? Days? Months?

Just curious!

Bump

No there isn't. Or if there is, I don't know it.

It takes the time it takes. If the time becomes too much for you...then you must do what is right for you.

Why not call him and invite him for dinner with the kids? (would they like that?)

I know he asked you for some space... but come on! How much time does this guy need? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I read through your other thread to get a better handle on your situation based on what you've posted so far, and I really don't think it would be a bad thing for you to call him, even if it's just to say "hi". For all you know, he could be justifying his actions (of having A's) b/c you're NOT calling him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I'm just saying, it doesn't hurt to give it a try, right?

Now one thing to keep in mind, as far as conversation goes. Stay away from the relationship talk, just as Redhat suggested. He knows his stuff. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Talk about the weather, talk about the kids, talk about a current event. Anything but your relationship. Note: this task is more difficult than it may seem. So think before you speak (again, easier said than done).

I'd like to add that I also think that you have great hopes of recovering your M. It's a VERY long road... but can be worth it in the end. It's also referred to as a 'roller coaster' ride b/c of the extreme ups and downs of emotions. That's okay. It's normal. Keep talking on here, and you'll feel better. I guarantee it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen