RedHat,
Yes, I agree. In fact I already emailed my attorney and hers. Told her I am sorry for even stating that and if it is her wish then it is up to her if she wants to drop it or ammend it. It would be disrespectful to attempt to go against her wishes. If I got it dropped, still doesn't mean she will WANT to see me anyway, in fact I am sure it will drive her further away. So already did before you posted. I must be thinking staright.....scary, huh?

I will keep up plan A and give her the time and space she needs to discover what she wants and if it is divorce.....yes I will be sad....but life goes on.

"I will keep up plan A and give her the time and space she needs to discover what she wants and if it is divorce.....yes I will be sad....but life goes on."

Life will go on. It has a funny way of doing that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I'm no mind reader, but your wife may need/want space for 2 reasons. One, to be able to think and get her head straight; and two, as a test for you. I'm not saying it is a conscious test -possibly subconscious. A way for her to feel that she KNOWS you are listening to her. Ya never know!

Ofcourse, I have pursued for some time after relationships were over twice (you could say stalked once). I should admit I was pretty pathetic one time, but that time he wanted to be pursued; he was putting notches in his belt each time I did. I wised up very soon. You are lucky to have this forum. It is not easy that she keeps giving you mixed signals, coming back to you when she wants. And you have to think of your daughters as well. Wise up and go and do something for yourself. As I said, get a promotion, buy a car, put on some muscles ...

<small>[ November 03, 2002, 06:10 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

Thanks,
I do get your points. It is out of my hands. I will continue to Plan A all the way until divorce day. At least I will know I tried and maybe she'll know I loved her and cared.

If I do the opposite of what she expects she's going to wonder what I'm up to.........I am so predictable.

I do know a few things though.

I did tell her regardless whether she is my W or Ex that I hope to be her friend and I WILL ALWAYS be here for her no matter what. I could tell that affected her.

I told her of my opportunity in Omaha. I told her I was going to probably go for it early next year. She was kind of upset (she is from Omaha) She has no close friends and relatives here and I know she hates it here. I offered her a chance to come with me and start over now that we know what we have to do to make marriage work.

She is having financial difficulties and will be in her off-season, through 4 mo.(Iowa winters are not fun and gas is going up 20% more)

Small town 4,000 pop. NO REAL DATING OPPORTUNITIES FOR HER in farmer country. Not her type of prospects.

Daughter constantly crying and asking for me to come home.

Her grandparents (I heard from priest) have been telling her I seem to be changing and I do love her! This was good as grandparents are devout catholics and like her parents.

So as you see, I do have plenty going for me in hopes of her wanting to try. I will give her the space she needs as I need to let God work the miracle if he sees fit.

She knows how I feel and of course right now she will not tell me if she really has any feelings towards me.......it may be just that--a test! I hope, but I better do a 180 now or may be too late. She will contact me---W is very curious---as to why I haven't been trying to contact her. If she feels I'm getting on with my life this may force her to realize a few things.

I do believe she is impressed that I have been going to counseling each week since August. Unfortunatetly she hasn't.

By the way relate.....thanks for saying something I understand and seeing you are human. Sorry I was a little mean with you before. Just looking for guidance (maybe magic answer).

I did buy new car 1 mo after separation. Boy that caught her attention!

I have my own business so can't get promotion.

I do work out.

I am taking 2 college classes.

Going to church as much as possible.

So I am trying and I get what you mean. Thanks

PS: 2 weeks after separation I got my 1st tattoo. My daughters love it. It is two hearts entwined with roses. I have each daughter's name on the hearts. It somehow makes me feel closer to them when they are not here. I also lightened my hair....lost 45#....and put a tan on my ghostly body!

She has lost 20#---she was so proud telling me this and I was so happy for her. She has not been happy with her body since baby was born. She doesn't like the stress, but it is great for losing weight! She lightened her hair---was black---now has brown streaks (I don't like it, but won't tell her) as long as she is happy. She bought new clothes and redid house. I knew she would do this things now that she is single.

Maybe time will help her think of us and what could be. Like the books say: if your in their face how can they reflect on missing you?

<small>[ November 03, 2002, 08:31 AM: Message edited by: AlanArthur ]</small>

AA

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I had so much anger this last year..stress and I took it out on her.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is this the reason for the RO? If you are both past this then why not try to amend the RO so that you can at least communicate by phone. I imagine that you need to at least communicate somewhat for the sake of your child.

Is it possible to have the RO amended so that there is no physical contact yet it would allow you to communicate via phone, email, etc. without repercussions?

You've used the word pursue. One pursues something that is out of reach and this case she is intentionally out of reach via an RO meant to protect her physically...not emotionally.

All of these of replies are pretty much saying the same thing...respect the RO and give her the space that the RO orders and that she needs.

tagging off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ November 03, 2002, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: ba109 ]</small>

Yes RO can be ammended to allow telephone. Stress and lashing out were done by both of us. My counselor believes it is in place for emotional safety. I do think so to. Out of sight out of mind. My W knows I would never ever hit her.

With one simple form at courthouse she can have it ammended to attend joint counseling only. She is aware of this as I have advised her.

OK,
I did a good job this weekend....no calls to her or to me Fri/Sat/Sun.

Our priest feels she will not(or not now anyway) stop or prolong divorce. He said she stated that if he truly leaves me he will give me the space I need right now. She doesn't feel it is love, she feels it is desperation. Probably a little of both.

She is right this is something I need to do for both of us. I will stay in Plan A.

I did advise her/my attorney I will not seek to discontinure RO as it is her wish to have it and I respect her decision. I think if I fought it ti would be a major LB and at this juncture may kill any chance I "may" have with her. Plus if removed she still might not want to talk to me so what would I gain-0 Lose-every chance I might have had.

I did ask my lawyer to ask her lawyer if they would agree to remove the part of telephone/email. We have been communicating this way and told her that I would only use this to communicate about D and divorce settlement. Hopefully they will accept that as we have both been doing it anyway.

Oh, I wish I could hear the phone ring and it would be my wife stating "I want to go to marriage couseling with you!" What a dream <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Something did come to me today when I was reading another thread on respect. My wife went to an IC on 9-3. She stated afterward that she told the counselor she felt I had no respect for her. I now realize that respect is probably her #1 EN. But, besides giving her the space she needs, do I show her respect from a distance? To show her I can fulfill that need. I'm glad I read that thread as I forgot that she told me about the respect issue.

She told the priest that she has given me many chances but it has never meant anything before, why now? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

EASY: Because I was an insensative, selfish, stubborn, fool! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> God, I'm easy on myself aren't I?

<small>[ November 04, 2002, 02:53 AM: Message edited by: AlanArthur ]</small>