My wife and I have been seperated for about 5 weeks. We see each other 1 to 2 times per week. When we are together its most of the time great. When we are together we hold each other kiss one another and tell each other how much we love and care for one another. Each time we are together though somehow we get into an argument. Most of the time it starts over the littlest thing but blows up into a big argument. When this happens my W wants to immediatly leave and doesnt want to talk to me for at least 3 to 4 days. I feel like anytime there is a small problem she wants to run. She will tell me that she doesnt want to talk to anyone. She recently lost her job of 8 years. She has been through numerous miscarriages and one tubular pregnancy. And to my knowledge she is not having an affair. After 3 to 4 days of not talking to me then she is ready to see me again. And when we get together it is great that is if we dont argue. But once again when she leaves she thinks we should not talk to each other. She says it makes her feel closer to me and that she needs that. My question is if she is in a state of depression will it make her want to run from every little conflict? We both agree the arguments are stupid and should never happen. When she lost her job that is when she left me. Said she couldnt take it anymore. Im just trying to understand what might be going on. We are sceduled to see a marraige counselor this week. Thanks for any input.

For the most part, those little arguments aren't the issues at all. What needs to be discovered, are the issues that underline everything else. There are deep seeded issues that everyone has. How we deal with them, is what makes a huge difference in our relationships.

IMO, your W is taking her 'time outs' into the extreme category. It's perfectly normal and healthy to take a break from an argument so that LB's can be best avoided... but the issues themselves cannot be avoided indefinitely. And I think that's what is happening here.

Of course, I do not know your story. Although we all have many similarities in our stories, there are still some very unique qualities within these relationships that can make a huge difference in how we respond.

I think it is wonderful that you and your W are going to see a counsellor next week. That's an excellent first step towards some more healing.

Karen

Thanks Topie. I have another question. Why is it so hard for me to give my wife time? That sounds like a stupid question but it is so hard for me. I feel if I give her time she will then think I dont care. I know its for the best. This past week I didnt talk to her for just 2 days and she was very happy to see me. When she came over to see me she gave me a big hug and kiss and told me that she loved me and missed me very much. She even began to cry and tell me that it felt so good to see me. But when she leaves all I want to do is to talk to her and this upsets her. Am I being selfish? She has even assured me that she is coming back home. I need sugestions on how to stop calling her and making contact with her. I love her very much and dont want to screw up the chance of making our marriage work. Thanks.