My husbdan and my gut tell me there is no one esl (i.e. no affair). I posted to this Infidelity site, I guess, incorrectly...it was my first time posting. I really think my husband is truly confused and unfortunately, he thinks that a legal separation is a way for him to find happiness.

He came to see the kids today, and funny enought, he spemds most of that time with me! I even told him that today and he said that he enjoys spending time with me as well as the kids. I told him that that is part of what marriage is about...enjoying spendning time with your spouse. He says he has a nice time with me, but that he shouldn't be "having a nice time" with his wife. What does he expect he should have after we've been married for almost 9 years and together for 14?!?

How can I get through to this guy? What can I do so that he realizes just what he has and learns to appreciate what he has and what he may lose?

PLEASE help us!

ilovehimso ,

I don't know your complete story but from what I have read so far, you had doubts whether your H was having an affair or not. You got a few replys and all were telling you that it seemed that he was. Now you say your gut is telling you "NO".

Can you definate the problems you and your H are having???

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What does he expect he should have after we've been married for almost 9 years
and together for 14?!? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've known my H since I was 14 (he 17) we been together for almost 28 years and we've been married for 22 years. I don't think the questions should be" What does he expect?" this sounds as if he is expecting too much, I'd tend to say, what do you expect and what are you willing to put in to make your marriage work?

I can only talk for myself. I want the best and I want to be happy. I give my best and therefore we have became happy again. Giving has became a pleasure for me again and since I am aware of EN, I know that everybody has them and they are a must!!!!!
In order for someone to become happy and comfortable with life, they cannot go (very long) without getting their EN's fullfilled.
I was never expecting anything in return but I'm getting so much. My H has changed so many things just because I have made noticable changes myself.
This is what happens. (yupp, I wouldn't of believed it but it happened for us)

You might try to find out what his EN'S are and start going for that. Fullfilling his needs will make him feel good, it will give him positive things to think about and he will definately begin to see you in a loving manner.
Read all you can here in MB, read about PLAN A. Have you read the book: His Needs, Her Needs. This book really opened my eyes.

I would suggest: Go for PLAN A and concentrate on fullfilling his Needs. Give him some real good things to think about. He will then know what he can expect from you and what makes you so special.

take care
bb
PS: I'm happy for you that you have found this forum, it helps doesn't it??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />