I just found out my wife was having an affair and she says it is over and that she wants to work it out if I want to but there is one big problem, she has gotten herpes from the affair and I have to consider this also. I just hate to throw away 15 years of marriage. If anyone has any good answers please let me know.

Hi and welcome to MB,

As for the medical piece, you have to address that with both your doctors immediately. Also complete STD testing for both of U.

As for the emotional impact of her actions, read the concepts section above, get a good MC locally or setup phone counseling sessions with Steve or Jennifer here at MB.

Read the books: His Need/Her Need and Surviving an Affair. Both are by Dr. Harley.

Take the Emotional Needs Questionnaire to identify the probable causes of her A and how to work it out.

Once you have utilized these tools and seen how both of you are willing to react, then the decision will be yours to know which path to take. You may swing from recovery to D several time. There are a lot of emotions involved in dealing with this issue.

Get good support and work with the doctor. You do have options.

Take care and post back how you are doing.

L.

My WW also contracted genital Herpes from the OM, which in turn she unknowingly passed on to me. That is how the A came to light. Based upon your post, it appears as though you have not been infected at this point. Your FWW can manage her STD with Valtrex, but there is always a chance that you may contract it from her if you have not already. Some show little, or no symptoms, so seek medical care ASAP. If you do not have Herpes at this point, you have a difficult decision to make about recovering your marriage. In my case, if I did not contract Herpes the A would have never come to light and my FWW and I would not be in the recovery process. God works in mysterious ways, but so does Satan, so I figure that it is better to work things out, as that is what God would want. There are numerous support groups for those infected with genital Herpes, so do not feel like you or your wife is in this alone. I had a serious breakout the first time, but have not had one since, so life does go on. I wish you well.