I am not new to this forum but I am new to posting. I have a sexual addiction that is destroying my marriage. My Wife and I started counsoling with a pastor friend of our's and his wife several months ago. We used HIS NEEDS/HER NEEDS for a study guide. My wife knew in her heart that it probably would not help me with my addiction. She was right. I hit bottom a couple of weeks ago and I am committed to getting over this addiction. I needed some time to work through this and my wife needed a break and proof I was searious. So Oct 15th I desided to give up sex for the rest of the year and devote the time to understanding my addiction. I has been a hard few weeks but I am learning a lot. Our paster friend and his wife are still tring to help but the problem is he does not understand sexual addiction. I live in a small town and there is no one to talk to about this that has recovered.

My Question is...

Is there anyone here that has recovered from sex addiction that would be willing to help me?

Thanks

Tony

I'm afraid I cannot be the empathetic one for you. I'm personally not aware of anyone on MB who has overcome SA (at least, if there are, they don't post anymore, or they don't post about it).

I believe that my H has a SA. And I have been doing some research lately. Here is a link to a website that may help you. It's a free online counselling site, specifically for SA.

www.understandingsexualaddiction.org

Your W can still help you now. Now that you realize that you have a problem, your W can be there to support you, and to help you along the way. From what I understand, the link I sent to you has joint counselling for spouses of SA's too.

You can do this!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And although most of us on here can't give you too much advice on your SA, we can still help you to deal with other issues, as they come up during your healing.

Take care,

Karen

Anthony....I am a recovering sex addict and I would be more than happy to help you. Is there a Sexaholics Anonymous group that meets in your area? I have been sexually sober since Jan.5 since I started the program and I have to tell you my thinking of what sex is and what it was is totally different. You have made a great decision in stopping sex until you can see what you need to do and the direction you need to go. It will be kind af a drying out period and a get your head straight time.

The sex addicts program will save your marriage if your wife will stand by you and know that you are changing. This program has completely changed the person I was into a person who my family can be proud of. I lost my wife because of my addiction and that is why I will never go back to my past behavior. You can read some of my other threads and learn how God has taken a broken pot(my past) and is molding me into something beautiful that he can use. You are taking the right step and getting help but you will have a hard road to travel until you get some time into the program.

Like I said I will help anyway I can. You can call me or we can e-mail one another but I am here for you and hopefully we can turn your life around like I have turned mine.

Love in christ
cajunky

<small>[ November 04, 2002, 10:52 AM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

The most popular title to search for is a book called "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes. This book is specifically designed to help an addict deal with SA.

I have just ordered a copy to be delivered to my local library branch. Perhaps you could do the same? Or check out your local bookstore under 'self help / health'?

I have heard nothing but wonderful things about this book - coming from the addicts themselves. I'm not sure how much it will help me as the W of a SA, but that's why I've ordered it - to find out.

You can search for the title at amazon.com, and you can read the first few pages into the book. I'm eagerly awaiting the call from my library so that I can pick it up from where I left off online.

Karen

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Topie25:
<strong>The most popular title to search for is a book called "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes. This book is specifically designed to help an addict deal with SA.

Karen</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will concur that this book is excellant!!
Karen, thanks for the website you mentioned -- I don't believe I hjad seen that and it looks good.

I have assembeled a 15 page summary of this issue & apllicable support groups if anyone is interested.
bhurrican@Yahoo.com

Peace ...

Yes..."Out of the Shadows" is the book that I read in late december and it opened my eyes to what was wrong with me. I have recommended it to several people on this site before.

Love in Christ
cajunky

I Just wanted to give those that posted a big thanks. I have checked out the web site you posted Karen and if think it is what I am looking for. I just need the how to's of working through the recovery process. I truely believe that with the Lords help I can surrender this to HIM and have the marriage HE wants me to have.

CAJUNKY;

Thanks for you encouragement <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I would like to stay in touch with you. I know there will be times that I will struggle and be tempted. It would mean a lot to me if I had someone to turn to in those times.

Tony

Anthony....We are doing a study called "40 Days of Purpose" at our church and I read this tonite and it fits so good. It is talking about spiritual growth but it applies so much to recovery from our addiction.

Here is the part that meant so much and hit home.

Change your autopilot

To change your life, you must change the way you think. Behind everything you do is a thought. Every behavior is motivated by a belief, and every action is prompted by an attitude. God revealed this thousands of years before psychologists understood it: "be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts." (Proverbs 4:23)

Imagine riding in a speedboat on a lake with an automatic pilot set to go east. If you decide to reverse and head west, you have two possible ways to change the boat's direction. One way is to grab the steering wheel and physically force it to head in the opposite direction from where the autopilot is programmed to go. By sheer willpower you could overcome the autopilot, but you would feel constant resistance. Your arms would eventually tire of the stress, you'd let go of the steering wheel , and the boat would instantly head back east, the way it was internally programmed.

This is what happens when you try to change your life with willpower: You say, "Ill force myself to eat less...exercise more..(stop my sexual acting out...this was my addition) Yes, willpower can produce short-term change but it creates constant internal stress because you haven't dealt with the root cause. The change doesn't feel natural, so eventually you give up. You revert to your old patterns.

There is a better and easier way: Change your autopilot--the way you think. The bible says, "Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think."(Romans 12:2) Your first step is to change the way you think. Change always starts in the mind. The way you think determines the way you feel, and the way you feel influences the way you act. Paul said, "There must be spiritual renewal of our thoughts and attitudes".( Ephesians 4:23)

When I read this it is exactly what I have been trying to tell my wife as to how I have totally chaged my thinking. It is what the SA program and God will do for you when you decide you want to change yourself and live the good life.

Another verse I ran across tonite...."Don't become so well adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out".

That is the key to it all. Being changed from the inside out.

Love in Christ
cajunky