Well its been almost 2 mos since I came clean with the pa I had with OM to my dh. My dh forgave me and we have been working very hard to heal.

Well I haven't seen OM in about 2 mos.No contact what so ever. On this Friday ,its the Marine Corps ball and he will be there. i will definately see him.

I am worried about how I am going to react:(. The last thing I want to do is stare at him all night or have my dh even catch me glimpsing at him! I am ashamed to admit I still have feelings for him. I don't want to embarrass my dh .... and I am worried that if the OM even glances at me 1 milisecond too long that dh will want to kick his [censored]. ( stupidly the dress I picked out is very sexy) .

So any adivice on how to keep my composure with in OM presence and not be a thorn in my dh side all night? I want to show dh I am happy with him and I love him. But with OM there how am I going to keep my thoughts focused?

Thans in advance this is really really bothering me.

Also any advice for is he corners me or trys to talk to me? should I engage in polite converstation? I have a feeling he MAY ask if I told dh about the PA because it was over after I stopped commincating with him.

I am so worried.. advise please?!?!

( dh is dear husband in this case;) )

Hello ns,

The best advice I can give you is the advice I received in the horrendous early days--go to the info pages of this site and read, read, read. There are specifics on how to handle these types of things, for both the betrayer and the betrayed.

Speaking from the BS point of view, it would have gone a long way in love unit deposits if my FWH had found this sight and invited me to read the info along with him.

Now for my opinion about whether to talk to om or not--I say NOT! This is a wonderful opportunity to SHOW WITH YOUR ACTIONS how serious you are about rebuilding your marriage with him. I understand that the withdrawal stage is difficult for you--watching you go through withdrawal is difficult on the bs too. And seeing om will probably set your withrawal clock back to zero. Is this ball worth that? Maybe you and your H can talk about this and POJA a plan?

Good luck and good wishes to you and your H!

Nobody, you really are somebody special. I hope you will feel well enough to change your name soon. (Big hugs.)

Do you absolutely have to go to the ball? It's not wise to be anywhere near OM.

If you do have to go, my suggestion is do everything you can make yourself ignore OM. Do NOT let him near you. Do NOT speak to him. (You don't want your H to kick his butt and you can't risk talking to him)

Someone once suggested to me (I never did see him and I attribute strong recovery to absolutely no contact) that if I ever saw OM, just give him a glance as though he's someone I never met. I don't think that would work for you.

The feelings are just that..feelings...not sacred vows that you made to a husband willing to forgive you. Choose your h forever--once more. Your feelings got you in trouble and remember--OM was only too happy to help wreck your marriage. He tried to destroy your soul. Honestly--that is what adultery is all about. Your husband--and God--are offering you redemption and a happy, healthy life. I hope you will choose the same.

Why don't you confide in your husband that you feel extreme discomfort at the thought of seeing OM at this event and plan to wear your sexy dress on a date somewhere else with your H? You'll both be glad you did.

Here's hoping for your strong recovery. Hugs.

Hi, and I too hope you'll change your name soon! You certainly ARE somebody special.

It's been two YEARS since I felt what you're feeling, but boy, I *do* remember it. I worked with the OM, and until I could get away FOR GOOD, I never could fully let go.

It's so stupid isn't it?

I would TRULY die of embarrassment and humiliation and rather be skewered with vegies than have the OM see me in a sexy dress of ANY kind.

Look for posts by Susan, she too worked with the OM. She couldn't fully reclaim her life until she CLAIMED IT FOR HERSELF by quitting her job and focusing on her husband.

Now, I know you don't work with your OM, but you have to see him at get-togethers, and I bet your husband is only too happy to have you on his arm to SHOW the OM who's got ya.

It's awful that you still have 'feelings' -- this will continue until you are on the 'other side' and that simply takes time. When you get there, I *promise* you will wonder how far up your butt your head really was to have had an affair with that guy.

In the meantime, if you feel you MUST go (and I'd talk to your husband about how horrid it makes you feel)... I'd hold your head high, don't even GLANCE at OM, and treat your husband like a King that night (well, all the time, but ESPECIALLY that night!). It's gonna be hard, but you CAN do it!

thanks for the support. The ball is not maditory, but it something that is highly recommened that they attend.

I did tell dh I was nervous about going and why. He was understanding and gave a nervous laugh when when i brought up the drinking and how that might lower his inibitions to kick [censored]. BTW the OM was a freind and is a co worker with whom he works very closely with on a daily basis. But thats another story.

I KNOW what I have to do. I was thinking of sharing what happened to a close freind... in confidence... she is a key volunteer and things told in confindance are suppose to be kept that way. She will be there and I was hoping she could maybe help me keep my thoughts and actions on track, but I don't know....

Its going to be hard, but I want to show my dh that I am with HIM and no one else. I guess its like a chnace to prove to him that its over and I want it to be over. Ugh I am really nervous!

<small>[ November 05, 2002, 01:38 PM: Message edited by: nobody special ]</small>

NS,

You really do have to change that name. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You are special to your H or the marriage would be over.

I realize that you and your H need to go to this. My recommendation is that you stay on his arm all evening. Since your H knows, and presumably OM knows he knows, then I would suspect if he has any brains at all he will stay away.

If OM doesn't know H knows, then a simple "stay away from me" from you to OM if he approaches should suffice to give him the message.

As for your feelings about OM, they will fade with time, but just remember this NS not many men could do what your H is doing. I don't see how he handles working with OM every day without taking him out. He must love you very very deeply, because I KNOW what his natural instincts are and frankly many in the Marines would understand him taking OM out.

We talked earlier and I believe I made my thoughts on OM known. He should not be in the military in my opinion. A man that would do that to a comrad and someone he works with is not a man you would trust with your life and certainly shouldn't be in the military.

You may want to reflect on that when you see him at the Ball. It is a grand event isn't it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Must go, but do keep focussed on your goal that will help.

God Bless,

JL

Just learning , thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

yes my dh loves me very much, I still can't belive he forgave me and wants me soiled and all <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I dont' know how he does it eiher:( Other then he has had alot of time off lately due to a SX and so hasn;t had to see him that much. However he did have to walk .5 mile to the barracks to do a barracks to do an inspection with him and he did not say a word. I dunno why but that bothered me that he did not say anything and let the OM engage in conversation like nothing had ever happended! Om even sent him a funy joke email the other day ?!?!?! I nearly died! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> He also called the house looking for dh( had a work related question) and left a message in the machine. That was very bizzare.

Another reason i want to go to the ball is that I am hoping seeing OM will help me realize what I did. And when i see him I am hoping that it will not stir feelings up again.Because right now I still have 'nice' memories in my mind. A few 'bad 'memories would go along way IYKWIM! I am hoping that when I see him I think to myself what a LOOSER and JERK( and a few other things I can't mention on this nice board <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) And maybe dh will finally confront OM about it, hopefully in a non violent way. I think it would be good for him and maybe Om would even appologize . I dunno.

I am feeling stronger already and I can't wait to be by my dh side all night. I was already thinking of asking him to accompany me to the ladies room and to go with me when i see freinds I want to talk to so that I am never alone or corner-able. And I am reminding him of the EN I have of constantly staying in contact when out in public( I like to be touching somehow, leg, arm, hold hands, etc). i want this to be a positive thing. a positive turining poing in our relaionship. The last time i was in OM presence I made a complete [censored] of myself in front of dh, so I want to show him I won't do tha again. AS well as to the OM whom I told I would act like I did not even know him.

Lots to do lots to do!