When I spoke to Steve on 10/11/02 he told me to Plan A my WS. My WS has been living in her own apartment since the end of June. I try to keep in touch with my wife(WS) but she doesn't return a phone call or email. So the question I have is how do you plan A your WS when they avoid you? If I am not on my wife's radar she and I are just going to drift a part. I don't call her or email her everyday. I maybe call or email her about once a week just saying hi and seeing how she is doing. I don't bring up an relationship talk. The last time my wife spoke to me in person she told me I need to let her go and she feels a divorce is the next step. I believe this is why my wife is avoiding me now because she said she doesn't want to lead me on.
What do I do? Do I keep trying to get in contact with her? Do I just let it be and not try at all? Do I try to sending maybe just a card in the mail just saying hi to her? How do you plan A your WS when they avoid you? Does anyone know of any tricks I can try so that I can plan A and she can't hide from me?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by confused_guy:
<strong>When I spoke to Steve on 10/11/02 he told me to Plan A my WS.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I bet these weren't Steve's exact words.

The short answer to your question is, "You don't Plan A your wife at all, you Plan A yourself."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The last time my wife spoke to me in person she told me I need to let her go and she feels a divorce is the next step. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course she said this - and this is likely what she really feels at the moment.

But you have a lot longer than a "moment."

What should you do?

Plan A yourself and leave her alone. You should not be attempting any "tricks." The interaction will happen and your Plan A results will be apparent to her - if you leave her alone in the meantime. If she's in a classic affair, time will work its wonders and she will rethink her decisions. ANY actions you take that could possibly backfire and give her a bad impression of you will stick and she'll use this as evidence of your unworthiness - feeding her rationalizations of her decisions in the first place.

Focus on yourself and don't focus on her. Please discuss this next time you talk to Steve. I'll bet he'll tell you to yes, send a card infrequently, but no, don't appear needy or be pesky. When the opportunity for interaction occurs, be upbeat, confident, and all the things that made you desirable to her in the beginning.

Understand?

worthatry..
You are right those weren't Steve's words exactly. What his words were exactly was try to to have my wife think of me but not sound desperate. Send her an email say I am thinking of you, or I did this and I think you would of liked it, etc.. To stay right below her radar is what Steve said. He said it wouldn't be good for me to break contact with her and that I should try to talk to her or possibly see her without becoming a pest or sounding seperate.
I am going to try and schedule another appointment with Steve some time this week or next week. I am working on myself with the Plan A, but with my wife not living at home it is going to be hard for her to see those changes I have made on myself.
I guess what I am really trying to figure out is how to interact with my wife from time to time when she doesn't seem she wants to. If I leave her alone and I never talk to her this will just allow her to hide and run more from the relationship. This is what Steve said about that, she is trying to not interact and trying to justify to herself for what she has done and is still doing. He also went on to say she has surrounded herself with like minded people. People who are just looking for the next "fun" time for the week and not worrying or wanting to think about "life" in general.

worthatry..
You are right those weren't Steve's words exactly. What his words were exactly was try to to have my wife think of me but not sound desperate. Send her an email say I am thinking of you, or I did this and I think you would of liked it, etc.. To stay right below her radar is what Steve said. He said it wouldn't be good for me to break contact with her and that I should try to talk to her or possibly see her without becoming a pest or sounding seperate.
I am going to try and schedule another appointment with Steve some time this week or next week. I am working on myself with the Plan A, but with my wife not living at home it is going to be hard for her to see those changes I have made on myself.
I guess what I am really trying to figure out is how to interact with my wife from time to time when she doesn't seem she wants to. If I leave her alone and I never talk to her this will just allow her to hide and run more from the relationship. This is what Steve said about that, she is trying to not interact and trying to justify to herself for what she has done and is still doing. He also went on to say she has surrounded herself with like minded people. People who are just looking for the next "fun" time for the week and not worrying or wanting to think about "life" in general.

confused_guy,

Plan A is showing your changes or capable of change to your WS. Now, if WS is avoiding you then you have to leave her alone but you could show your changes to WS's families, common freinds, & relatives. I said show not talk.

Good Luck -rh-