I have not posted for myself in a while and figured once again I need some good ideas. I have lost a bit of steam over the past few months and I think I need to put some spice back in my marriage. I have been as romantic as a snail in the past few months, and probably since we have been married, and I feel it is time to change this.

I feel our marriage is making some progress now. I am still not sure the OM is 100% out of the picture, but he no longer works with my WW, and I am sure that has helped the situation. Our 8 year anniversary is next month. I have some ideas, but no fixed plans.

So here is where the question comes in, BK (before kids) it was easy to spend romantic time together. Now with two wonderful boys, three and 10 months, it is terribly difficult to get time together let alone have enough energy to plan romantic time together. So my question to all is, what do you do for Romance with kids? What can I do to make my wife MELT?

Ladies, what do you think is ROMANTIC??

I guess with all that has happened, I am questioning what I thought was romantic for my wife. I am a little insecure about what is romantic.

<small>[ November 04, 2002, 09:36 AM: Message edited by: new_dreamland ]</small>

Hi Dream...

This looks like a fun thread! Well. let's see, If you can get a babysitter, take her to dinner.. somewhere with low lights/candlelight that encourages private conversation, and a meal that requires time, like fondue. Maybe a carriage ride after dinner?? Or how about a concert?? Does she like concerts? I don't know where you are, but some cities have outdoor concert venues, with tables so you can pack a picnic..

If you can't get a babysitter, .. wait until the children go to sleep, then cook dinner, set up the table w/tablecloth and candles, dim the lights (again, fondue would be fun, esp. chocolate for desert! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

Now .. just a sidenote... romance is much more fun for the woman if it's ongoing and not just on the "anniversaries".. tuck lovenotes where she'll find them throughout the day, call just to hear her voice, bring home flowers for absolutely no reason.. it's the daily little things that mean so much. IMHO.

Baby

Some things my H did for me when he was in Plan A...

1) I would come home to a string with little notes every few feet with little sayings on them...it lead to the bathroom where he had a drawn bath with candles!

2) I would go out to my car to leave for work in the AM, and he would leave me a little bag of cookies or chocolate that said "A special treat for you" on my carseat.

3) If I complained I was tired, had a long day, or had a headache, came home to a nicely turned-down bed, with a side table of soup, crackers & Advil. He'd let me sleep until I felt better.

Why couldn't I see then how sweet this all was? I see it now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Bump!

Send the kids to a neighbour, grandparent. Touch her hair, tell her how beautiful you find her. try offering her a back massage. get some scented oils (not too strong though) and rub it into her sore muscles. Set the mood early with nice romantic music (blues or jazz might be good).

One of the greatest things that my WW ever did for me was to make a trail of rose petals to the bedroom. Every so often, there was a little note with sweet sayings on them. The trail ended at the bed where the sheets were covered with rose petals. Whoa!!!

That is the nicest and sexiest thing that anyone ever did for me!!

P.S. If you have never had the opportunity to feel rose petals against your skin, watch out. I have never felt anything so soft.

I guess with all that has happened, I am questioning what I thought was romantic for my wife.
Have you asked your wife what SHE thinks is romantic? Emotional Needs questionnaire.

Are you asking about romance or sex? Seems all the answers given are to get her "in the mood" for a roll in the hay (sex).

The two are not mutually exclusive (meaning you can't have one without the other) nor should they be.

A good quote I heard somewhere, "If you want to get in her pants, you better start as soon as the alarm goes off in the morning."

***A good quote I heard somewhere, "If you want to get in her pants, you better start as soon as the alarm goes off in the morning."***

ROFLMAO!!! That's a good one Chris! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Very funny,,, and yet, very true! Nothing turns a woman on like verbal foreplay <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Baby

Hey Dream,
back in June or July, your W as much as said things she liked. I hope you are working on those things right along.

As far as doing things, I asked my W and she gave me a few ideas.

1. I know you care if you arrange for the babysitter, and don't make me do it all the time.

2. It impresses me if you do things I like ( art show, quilt show, plays,) and not things you like ( football game.)

3. I like you to dress up sometimes.

4. Be on time, don't say we'll leave at 6:00 and get home from work at 6:30.

5. Treat me like you love me for me, not for $ex.

6. Arange for things to be taken care of at home so I don't have to do dammage control and start working my butt off as soon as I walk in the door.

7. Take me over night a couple of times a year so I can really relax, a few hours is nice but it doesn't always do it for me.

8. Lots of other things but I can't think of them right now. (yes, thanks dear.)

Dream, there are a lot of us that care about YOU, I am glad to see some positive from you.

SS

<small>[ November 04, 2002, 02:36 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Yes, NDL,

Me, too - I remember your wife posted an itemized list of the things she thought were romantic - and you also made the point that if the OM did these things, he deposited huge $LB, but if you did them, it didn't quite work the same way. Do you think she is seeing things any differently these days?

She gave you lots of good ideas - but I know the big one for me would have been along the lines that ss' wife said - get a babysitter so I don't have to do that - make all the arrangements yourself - that way, she would know you made the effort especially for her.

She works hard, at home, too - I like the idea of drawing a bath, put some aromatherapy oil in to float on the top (find out which ones are relaxing), and light some candles - rose petals showing the way are a great idea - a few floating in the bath, too - and don't expect s*x afterwards - if you don't expect it, you might just get it!

You know, I can't even imagine having a H who would do this for me!

Hope you are well.
LIR

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by new_dreamland:
<strong>.
What can I do to make my wife MELT?

Ladies, what do you think is ROMANTIC??
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">to make her melt....CLEAN THE HOUSE

Romantic....draw her a nice hot bubble bath, then join her in the tub...wash her back and her hair

WOW!! Lots of great ideas. Just a tiny clarification, when I say romance, I am not talking about trying to get sex. I am talking about doing things to increase her feelings for me. In actuality, being romantic and doing nice things for her makes me feel terrific.

Thanks SS and LIR for reminding me of her previous posts. Actually, the reminder really makes me depressed. I guess I am looking for a magic bullet, and I keep forgetting about the multiplication and division factor of EN's.

Some of the ideas I like and have not tried in a while. I hope my wife is not checking in on this one. It may take away the surprise a bit:

1. Romantic dinner out(Baby Blue). It has been a while since we have been able to do this.
2. Love notes left at the house (Baby Blue). I send her emails, but I do not think they are very effective. Need to mix this up a bit more.
3. Love notes to a hot bath (inafunk). Great idea. Unfortunately, we have a large garden tub and a small hot water heater. Terrible combination for "hot" baths. If she wants a hot bath, you can barely get four inches of water on you. LOL!! Need to fix this, but expensive.
4. Bed of Rose Petals (whathappenedtous). WOW!!! I need to save this idea for later. I wish we were at that stage now, but I do not think it would have the desired effect.

Lots of other fantastic ideas, but these are just a few that I have not tried and plan on trying. Keep the ideas coming.

Some things out of the ordinary I have done recently (within last two weeks):
1. She was having a down yesterday so I brought her flowers. A nice small fall bouquet in a hand painted clay pot. Nothing extravagant, just something to say I was thinking about her. Came home early to give it to her. Funny thing is I went to the grocery store to get the flowers and saw her there. So, I was able to go grocery shopping with her and the boys. Very nice evening.
2. Made her a nice dinner. She was at work, so I made Herb lamb chops, asparagus casserole, wild rice, and a spinach salad. Laid out a white tablecloth, folded the napkins in the peacock shape, red wine, and candles. She was late coming home for dinner, which worked out perfect. The boys went to bed and we had a romantic candle light dinner while listening to romantic music. I had a wonderful night.
3. Yesterday, she was on a conference call with work, which was running late. So, I made dinner. She came down stairs after her call to food being cooked in the oven (chicken with cheese, white rice, cilantro, and salsa). I believe this was what she was planning to make.

I have noticed that for romance it is not the everyday nice things that you do for your wife. These become routine and even expected. It is the things that are not ordinary that makes things romantic.

I have heard romance define as this. A search through a haystack for a needle. When you find it, you have to throw it back in and start all over.

If you expect a reaction and do not get it, you have lost. Part of the game is doing things without needing affirmation for what you have done. I believe you must expect that most of the time you will strike out in the romance department. That is what makes the search for the needle in the haystack so exiting.

<small>[ November 05, 2002, 09:27 AM: Message edited by: new_dreamland ]</small>

new_dreamland ,

this is our favorite when it comes to romance:

This is what I once did with my H. The situation has turned around and he has done it with me now too. I luv it!!!!

Tell your wife to put on something comfortable and that you wanna go for a drive with her.
Make sure that you pack a basket with lots of goodies:

Wine + glasses
candles + lighter
big blanket
maybe even some bread and French cheese

then drive to some place where you can be unsiturbed. We prefer going to a river away from any civilization. It's beautiful.

Then just surprise her. Get out the blanket and the rest of the stuff. Have a pleasent evening and when it gets dark, don't forget to light the candles. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

When we did this the first time, it was honestly the most romantic evening we had ever had. We ended up on our backs, looking at the stars.

And YES we only looked at the stars!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> We didn't talk very much and yet we felt so connected. I still get shivers when I think about it.

take care
bb

Dream-

Your right, it's the unexpected things that make romance what it is. Catching her totally off guard... planning something special. Something that makes her feel that you thought of nothing but her happiness. Not expecting anything in return from her.

If you use your imagination I am sure you can come up with a perfect evening. You know your wife better then any of us... and you I am sure will know what she would want from you. The effort alone would be a start. Sounds like you have plenty of ideas.. now just to figure out what you want to do for your W.

Have fun.. be creative.. I am sure she will love what ever you come up with.